Welcome to the Turning Tavern

[Gay40]

This is a thread for women who unexpectedly (or not) find themselves attracted to another woman.

...to keep communication open.

Loveis yes just as I thought it was toddling along nicely as quite a cheery chatty thread it's gone all serious again

It sounds like you've been through what sleepless is currently experiencing, 'total head-fry' is pretty apt. As we've all said at some point, the aim of this thread was to offer support to women in those circs - it's easy to trot out the 'cheating is wrong, just leave your partner' etc lines - some things are a given (yep, cheating is not good) and I don't think it helps to keep returning to that point. It ignores what sleepless is going through right this minute and denies her the chance to air her feelings (anonomously, which is crucial if RL support is lacking).

I think I should put the kettle on and make a big pot of (lesbian) tea.

After sending the email at half 11 last night I got a reply at 2.30am, and I couldnt have asked for a more heartfelt kind message. I have more respect for her than I thought possible and I think I did the best thing possible under the circumstances and she already knew how I felt

I wasn't going to return and update the thread but you have been so good at listening and trying to help me that I felt I had too. I don't really feel comfortable posting on here any longer as I don't want to disrupt your thread but we talked a lot last night and I am more than happy

sleepless Very glad for you.

sleep you are being enigmatic. I can see that you wouldn't eant to post anymore, but can you at least explain what was the outcome of this heartfelt talk - are you going to stay in contact, as friends, or did she say she may be interested in more at a later stage? I'm ve taken it all to heart so would be so grateful if you replied to this in brief, or even PM me (once).
Loveis - thank you for being on my side, I've learned the same from life, could have been flippant in my 20s even 30s , but now I'd treasure any real chance that comes my way.

IHeart, she didn't just latch onto the woman, it sounds like her r-ship has been feeble or even bad for a while, and only now this happened, and sleep said she never felt like this, so it's not a flippant distraction - they do seem to gemuinely love each other's company and have closeness. I had crushes when my marriage didn't work but they were more irrational and mostly unrequited (i.e. they only wanted sex, no feelings), in this case the connection is real as conmfirmed by hte response from wiq (in the middle of the night). I don't agree that this is easy to find - I still haven't found that mutual closeness, while also admiting and respecting a person, even though I had r-ships for years since divorce. I have admiration and respect for my wiq but she hasn't encouraged me openly (yet?). I did think that sleep's woman is too free with her praise, but then so was sleep, so it' shard to tell whether it's purely friendly (her wiq may be just scared of the leap).

*while also admiring

As stupid as it sounds I can't put into words what she said without totally violating her privacy as she was so totally and utterly honest and open with me that I can't post her feelings on an open forum.

She said she knew how I felt but didn't know how to approach me about it. She said my email made her cry and that she wanted me in her life, that she felt the same way I did, that she hadn't felt this way when splitting up with boyfriends as she felt with the thought of losing me, that I am part if her. That she loves me.

But not in a sexual way, she doesn't want a sexual relationship.

It's difficult to put into words. It's like having a boyfriend but with out the sex, which she says she wants.

I am gutted that I upset her so badly,

She thinks that once we get over these feelings we will be really close friends. The thought of not having me in her life hurts her

She wants me to come over Thursday but I have said I don't know if I can, I don't think I can face her.

Sorry to be clear, she wants a relationship but not a sexual one.

I see, well thank God you are not losing her altogether and she's not prepared to lose you. I felt so strongly about your situation because I could feel; that your connection is not 'dime a dozen' and it IS precious. I think you should have each other on whatever terms - fwiw if my wiq said this to me, I could understand it and accept it at least to see how it goes, as I have no clue myself how the sexual would be..BUT in so many cases with two women it starts as being soulmates and then very gradually becomes sexual (one lady here had exactly this happen to her it worked out as a r-ship after a while! neithe of them thought it will become sexual but it has). In any case sex or no sex, I'm so glad I haven't been mistaken that the loving feeling is mutual!

thank you sllepless, I felt quite upset actually and now this really made me happy (yes, not all slotted into place, it would be too good to be true, but love is there and no nasty silences or surprises).

*how the sexual side

She said she had never felt this way about a boyfriend, and that I shouldn't be worried because I hadn't freaked her out as she felt the same way.

She thinks it's because we have both been through the same thing.

Sleepless - sounds like you have been very brave. Takes a lot of courage to lay your cards on the table like that. I hope you manage to sort out your feelings for your dp. Maybe this experience will give you more clarity on how you want to proceed with your r-ship with him and what changes, if any, need to be addressed one way or the other and how you see your future whether it's together or not. I'm sure you and your WIQ will stay close friends and this whole speedy friendship and mutual admiration will mean you have forged a strong bond between you both. There won't be much to hide so you will always be able to be very frank with one another...and who knows in the future if you are ever single again, she might change her mind and want more than just friendship. You'll have to see. Hope you are ok and not hurting too much. Must be painful letting go of these feelings you have had over these past few days. Life sure has its unexpected twists and turns and you never know what's round the corner. Sometimes it's bloody exhausting.

She was so upset and it was my fault, that's what really hurt. I am so relieved that she didn't think I was disgusting and that she didn't just ignore it or patronise me either. I am glad I told her, the only downside is that I don't think I can face her again, she phoned me today and I ignored the phone because I just had no words.

It's great in a way that she feels the same, because it makes it real, at least I know im not crazy. I'd not really thought past kissing her so the sexual side of things isn't an issue.

I am scared to see her again.

It's good you got to know her point of view, that's got to help!

Now sort things with your DP and you can try and be friends with her at some future point and see what happens, when all this is less raw. I had close friendships like that in my teens, with women I mean. There was no sexual feeling but they were way more intense emotionally than anything I've experienced since. It's partly the memory of how I felt then that is making me wonder if I am a lesbian, as opposed to just bi.
Anyway, good luck sleepless and come back and let us know how it all panned out in a few months or so, when you've moved on with the situation (and hopefully moved on from DP as well!). :)

Sleepless, you probably need some time just to reflect on everything and I'm sure once you have had some distance from all the emotional turmoil you will be able to face her and I'm sure you'll even be able to laugh about it. As Hep says, you're probably still feeling raw and it's all a bit too close for comfort. Hope you find strength to sort out your situation on the home front so at least some positive good will come out of this.

exactly sleep I'm also so relieved she hasn't ignored you or laugh, but I didn't think she would, going by what you told us about her, it was a tiny risk. You know I did hope that she will take her into her hands a bit and will be contacting and reassuring you! don't ignore her calls for too long ! She was upset but no doubt also happy to tell you how she felt as it must have been overwhelming to her. I'm so pleased you seem to think and feel alike, even though you thought of kissing her - this may come later in her case, but in any case please don't be scared to see her, just give it a few days for your nerves to settle, and see her as a friend now. I'm pretty sure you will miss each other too much to go for long without meeting! you'lll see that you want to, in a few days.

Thank God also that you responded to her and not ignored, as I knew she'd be really upset with your email suggesting you never see each other! must have been a shock to her. It's all good now, really . She probably admires you for your courage.

*take THIS into her hands a bit

polly, now that I can think of anything apart from sleepless, as it's on the right track, I realise I didn't ask about your drink with wiq - any progress with the plans? she's got one last chance not to mess you around !

Sleepless , I hope you stay with us and I hope that in our many forms we can support you in whatever challenges lie ahead.
Guaranteed if you think you are on your own, there will be somebody here who has been through a similar situation. Don't suffer along on your own.

I just wanted to add: likeatonneofbricks sterling work on defending the thread and more eloquently than I was able to x

Next on the horizon: Polly's drink with the Titian bolter and likea's next hookup with Ms I might be, might be not.

Looking forward to both

G40 thanks.

I know, I know. Slow burn.