Welcome to the Turning Tavern

[Gay40]

This is a thread for women who unexpectedly (or not) find themselves attracted to another woman.

Put another 50p in the meter for God's sake Likea!

no, I'm on a train, polly! will move to a lighter seat.

FWIW, I think it's bad form for someone to start another thread about this

To be fair others seem to know more about sleeps destructive relationship with her DP. I can see that it would be extremely grim for him to find out that she was seeing his ex.

Have sent the email now anyway so problem solved.

AF fortunately not many people have responded, but I think we'd all agree that it's apretty shabby thing to do, even if she didn't refer directly to sleepless's situation.

AF people are not robots, they don't slot into 'how it should be', and it really depends on each case whether you can judge them - situations can be vastly different, so are people. Sleep is obv a good person, and long-suffering it seems. I think a person in a loveless r-ship has all the reason to fall for someone else, as love is a human need, yes they should leave as soon as it happens if reciprocated (which she would), and if not they can take their time and still leave.

Alright AF, sorry. Maybe not stabby, but you've lost your sense of humour or summat, and I don't just mean this thread, by the way.
Anyway, I'm off to bed, it's blowing a hoolie out there and I intend to snuggle under the duvet with a good book. I'm not tame at all, me

You are brave sleep, I do feel for you. This must be a very strange time.

Cherries - it is not grim, remember he left this ex in a very shabby manner, and it was he who left. They could be strangers really, he hardly cares for her.
sleep, I hope you haven't shut the door in case she responds positively?(excuse me if you saw this question already, but after all the posting you may have missed it).

I have shut the door I'm afraid. I've told her that I won't be contacting her again and that I don't expect a reply.

I think it is an ok email and explains things properly.

Worrying about what I said in in now but it's a bit late for that so no point trying to change what I can't.

I've just told her the truth and wished her well.

well, Hep, as far as this thread goes, I don't find much funny in watching a car crash happening before my eyes

single women...go for your life

women in fucked-up relationships being encouraged to start an emotional affair with her partner's ex ?

I have read back to some of the posts from last weds and thurs and they are blatant encouragement, some of you are being rather hard-faced in your denials of it, or just keeping quiet I dunno. I shan't quote them, they are there in black and white

a car crash

the rest of my postings, hep ? You are entitled to your opinion.

is this because your gut feeling is that she's not attracted? or another reason? mind you if she was interested really, she'd still contact you.

sleepless, you are currently making the most sense on this thread, while around you are strange hostilities

AF she had FEELINGS for this woman, whether she's someone's ex or not - surely you understand that she hasn't chosen that deliberately?? her p dumped the ex and there are no hard feelings, who bloody cares? again you just love to measure all situations with the same stick. Yes if the ex hurt him or he still cared/they had children, there would be a point to try and restrain feelings (but still could be futile). Someone should be encouraged to go for love when in loveless r-ship, and indeed finish it. I can't remener anyone advising sleep to stay with her P while seeing the woman.

Because I don't want to make her life complicated, I don't want to mess with her head, I think I owe it to dp as the father of my child to talk through our issues before involving anyone else, I need to organise my own thoughts I think before considering what she thinks of me because to be honest I can't take anymore complications, ups and downs etc

It's so scary and unnerving to be attracted to a woman in the first place, that I think I need to deal with that first. I don't have any room inside my head for anything else.

It wouldn't be fair to her for me to encourage her only for me to say I can't cope and back off iyswim.

I don't know, it's all a jumble.

If she does reply I have a feeling it will be telling me not to be daft.

I wasn't being horrible likea, I am just trying to see it from all angles. I was just a bit alarmed by something AF said that made me feel as if sleeps DP might be volatile and if he is this is not likely to go down well.

Anyway, i have a feeling sleep that you have done the right thing in being honest with this woman and if she does reciprocate your feelings she will let you know. I really admire your honesty.

"Strange hostilities"? Thanks AF!

tonne, read back to last weds/thurs

have a look at the breathless urging for updates, the "wear something sexy", the strategies advised to get more time with the OW, the admission of a "vicarious thrill"

it's there (and more)

in black and white

although I suspect there may have been a couple of posters getting a leetle bit more out of it than that

sleep - you know it's exactly what I fear my wiq would say if I confessed that I'm attracted - 'don't be daft'! oh well. But you never know, enough stories on here of two previously hetero women falling in love. You say 'mess with her head' but it could be her choice to go for a woman, she did say she had enough of men fwiw. I meant that if she does express interest, you don't have to leap onto anything, you can give it time. I can't see how havbing experiencing this you can just go back to P - he has to completely turn around his attitude to you, is he capable of that? of course you need time to think, we all said that things aer going with break neck speed, but you do have time surely. If wiq was interested she'd also give you time (her being single at least).

well, cherries, it doesn't apply to you unless you are being strangely hostile

like HepHep was

and bad mannered ...."I know you but you don't know me, and you are a little bit shit now all over the rest of the site, but never mind". Lovely.

I'm not sure about dp, but I don't think this is the thread for it

I honestly hope she doesn't reply, and if she did I doubt very much that I'd reply to her message. I don't want to play games, leave her hanging waiting around for me to make decisions, I respect her to much for that. I wish I had never met her to be honest, in a good way iyswim.

It wouldn't be fair to her for me to encourage her only for me to say I can't cope and back off iyswim
that's also how I feel, especially on physical level, but if you do separate from P, imo it's worth trying and failing than not trying, as you are equal in this with wiq (it's like any relationship, always a risk). I'd still rather try and fail if my wiq were to give me a chance. You did say that your connection is amazing, I'm not even as connected with mine but willing to take a risk if she's positive. Mind you, your wiq sounds like a person who wouldn't passively go with what she's told , so if there is anything there on her end, you won't be the only one who decides on the outcome!

No, I'm never bad mannered or strangely hostile. Just trying to be supportive to someone in a difficult situation - as are you.

I have said several times how opposed I am to infidelity and my DP is the same, we have both been on the receiving end of it before BUT I have to admit that when I was at the end of my relationship with my ex had I met my current DP at that time a similar obsession to that which Sleep describes might have ensued and frankly I would have been mad to have ignored it. Fortunately we were both single so that made life alot simpler.

I just don't think we should berate sleep for using the site to talk about her new and confusing feelings. Anyway, I hope you are ok sleep. Take care x

sleep but you shouldn't make decisions for her, it's hardly 'games' the way you felt was genuine quite obviously. If you needed time then it's not disrespectful, obviously you could be platonic before you decide about P.