Welcome to the Turning Tavern

[Gay40]

This is a thread for women who unexpectedly (or not) find themselves attracted to another woman.

well, didn't I say that Sleep didn't intend to have an affair and that she'll do smth constructive asap? maybe the new posters should bother to read the thread and get the measure of a particular person before having a rant! and these generalisations are ridiculous - if a woman is ignored or frozen out in a r-ship it's only natural for her to have emotional affairs but the crux is how she handles it once she has the feelings - and sleep obviiously has integrity, posiibly towards the partner who doesn't treat her well, at that!

agree Likea.

I have read the thread, thanks.

And I stand by what I say. But this is obviously not the place to post if you disagree with anyone on it.

Well, we will soon find out what wiq thinks, MrsS, without your unkind input! she already sent the wiq an email so that all is in the open.

Realistic. Not unkind. Or not intended to be, anyway.

as I mentioned ten times alsredy it's been 10 days!! men who have emotional affairs keep it secret for months (and it's usually not just emotional). Did you stop for a minute MrsS and thought that sleep's P doesn't give affection, eh? she has a right to feel alive, you know! it happened within a coldish r-ship and she's dealing with it constructively now by being honest.

MrsS of course you can disagree, but the last few pages just seem to be going round in circles, and it doesn't sound as if you're trying to judge sleepless's situation on her own merits but just applying a blanket 'this is how it should be'. The aim of this was to be a support thread; it's not in AIBU.

MrsS has very maturely started another thread about sleepless's situation.

no! really? and tha's after sleep mentioned to AF that AF davised her to leave her partnre many times (isn't that ironic!!)

it's the 'if a man is ignored or frozen out' one. She names no names or bothers with any of the details but....

likeatonneofbricks, I don't think you are being kind in "supporting" sleepless in something that is highly likely to make a bad situation about a million times worse

this woman is the ex of her current partner

this man is treating her badly it seems

all the more reason to get out of this situation with her self esteem intact

sleepless has already said she is putting a stop to it, but you seem intent on continuing to make excuses for her mooning after this woman and potentially making a very big fool of herself, as well as risking the complete decimation of her by her shitty dp if this ever gets out

it would be wrong for someone not to point out that sleepless is currently on a collision course with a complete meltdown, and the one who will come out worse is her ...thankfully she seems to have realised this now

Utterly pathetic point being made on the other thread, imo. Best ignored.

Heaven forbid anyone would come here to discuss the situation they have got themselves into without the moral majority pointing out the bleeding obvious.

I don't get you tonne, what is "ironic" about me telling sleepless to leave her shitty partner ?

she still should, IMO

but when she does that, she needs to spend a very long time figuring out what she wants from life , not leap into a headfucking relationship with his female ex

which is pretty standard relationship advice

leave your relationship, sort your head out, don't date anybody until it is sorted

I go to answer the phone and now look at what happened!

Seriously, the dissenters - it's all been said upthread. Just scroll back through and save yourself the trouble of typing. This reminds me of that cartoon that gets linked to on FB a lot. 'Come to bed' one stick figure says to another, who is hunched over a computer. 'I can't right now' hunched stick figure hisses, 'Somebody on the internet is wrong!'
I agree with Gay, but I really can't be arsed arguing. Considering that ones sexuality is changing/may not have been what they thought it was is a major life event and it doesn't excuse bad behaviour, but I think a bit more empathy and tact is needed, and less thread derailing please. AF I love your posts and you've helped me a lot in the past (different name) but you seem to have lost your sense of humour on MN over the past few months and got a bit stabby. Not sure what's up with that but I liked the old AF better, for sure.

As for starting another thread about sleepless, oh my goodness, have they really? My, that is very mature. Pffft.
It's not even a full moon!!

World, I would have thought Cornwall had a budding gay scene but it seems not to be, there are no gay clubs that I could find (perhaps in Plymouth? But waaaay too far from me) and no regular meets that seemed particularly well-attended. Looking online is hard because I can't tell how out of date stuff is. There was a nice lesbian newsletter that closed down 2 years ago due to lack of time/funds.
On the plus side I talked to GF on the phone and she's feeling a bit better physically, and we talked about living closer to each other in the future, which would be fab :)

AF I'm saying that she shouldn't shut the door on the woman IF she's interested, obviously. And it is an 'if', But if she was, no need to try and finish before giving it a chance as she's probably leabing her P anyway (sounds like she should - and by her account you advised her to). I didn't suugest that she 'moons' just that gives it a chance if there is response, what is it with you and Mrts not reading posts properly? By all evidence hte woman has been EXTREMELY encouraging and returning compliments, so it's not that sleepless is completely deluded.

AF, standard r-ship advice is a sill concept imo. Why should shje wait for God knows what if she aklready happens to have strong feelings for someone? it may not happen again. Lots of people leave because they met someone and it works for them, they don't have to all sit and think X amount of time as prescribed. Her feelings aer not some flash in hte pan desire for a shag.

*silly concept

and ho would she may further fool of herself? she already explained things to the woamn in her email, and then all will depend on response, if wiq is not interested that's that and partner won't know, so how would she be seen as a fool? a wiq may see her as a fool but that's an inevitable risk - and she's taken it already. So how do you encourage her to make a foll of herself in future, I fail to see.

make, not may

stabby, Hep ? Strange choice of words.

I don't think trying to bring somone to their senses is "stabby". And by all accounts, my advice is sometimes welcomed, and sometimes not, so no-one has to take it. They could simply choose to take the advice they agree with at the time. Which kinda makes all of it a bit of a waste of everyone's time, doesn't it ?

Why bother posting, why bother replying, in that case ?

Or, better still, everyone can be honest about that they think is happening here without being called "stabby" or implications made that I consider my heterosexuality as some sort of advantage.

like it or not, tonne, "standard" relationship advice is least damaging for the grown-ups and children mixed up the absolute messes that are relationship breakdowns

mixed up in

AF and MrsS Lots of us have expressed concern for sleeps Dp and for their relationship. If i remember rightly Gay was the first to do so. I'm not saying that you are wrong in your suggestion that if the situation was reversed we would be siding with the DW, that it almost certainly true. The thing is though, Sleep has only just met this woman, hasn't actually done anything and has never been more than friends with another woman in her life.

I don't know about her current relationship but from everything she has said I gather that sleep is not very happy but was trying to work things out. During that time she met this woman and this all happened in a very short space of time to her absolute amazement.

She has not embarked on a torrid affair, she has an intense crush on someone (many of my married friends have them!) and is trying to sort out her confused feelings on an anonymous forum.

As someone who has never cheated but has been cheated on I know exactly how horrible that can be but i do think that sleep is being about as restrained and up front as she can humanly be about this.

I meant 'how do I encourage her to make a fool..' (God, dreadful typing in dim light!)