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[Gay40]

This is a thread for women who unexpectedly (or not) find themselves attracted to another woman.

I mean of course, very few couples split without the reason mantioned, with exception of physical abuse.

Gay, I am not naive thanks.

Fucking someone else outside of your marriage is simply that.

get out of your marriage first.

there is nothing "special" about fucking someone else behind your partners back...it is just as tawdry, deceitful and devastating between any sex

what about my husband,,,would he be supported in trying it out with a member of the same sex whilst still married to me ? I mean, there's a different dimension, I suppose, so would I hold back on my judgement of him ? No need to reply to that one.

some men mull over what they feel for a new woman for months or years before confessing to their current partner (and often sleep with her meanwhile). Sleepless had about 10 days to get her thoughts together! just give her a bit of time, she has all intention to do the right thing, in these complicated circs, I'm sure it won't be a month even!

thats a patronising comment you made there, Gay

I don't know how those "extra dimensions" feel because I haven't experienced them ?

what I am seeing on this thread is excuses made for infidelity

go right ahead, but don't call it anything different...there are no "extra dimensions" or "special considerations" ...it's common-or-garden cheating

she's not going to F* anyone behind p's back. If it comes to ANY interest from wiq I'm sure she'll tell her partner that they are separating, if you read her posts it's clear that she would do the right thing. The only reason she's not doing anything drastic is because she doesn't know whether she's making a fool of herself, not because she's keen to lie to anyone. If there is no interest from wiq she could then still decide to separate but in a measured way.

Wading in with concern for Sleepless's partner without having any particular knowledge of the issues surrounding the problem would seem spectacularly naive to me.
Anyway, I'malready annoyed with myself for allowing the thread to be taken off topic by moralising and judgemental comments which bring nothing to the table but yet another stereotypical heterocentric response.

And I'm happy enough to continue to patronise you AF as you've successfully demonstrated your naivety on the topic of the issues surrounding a change in sexual orientation.

It's rather bizarre that the flak has been directed at me, as a monogamous out lesbian

Heterocentric

Psychology- The belief that heterosexual activities and institutions are better than those with a genderless or homosexual orientation.

I had to look it up.

Gay, I believe that infidelity in all it's forms is low, unfair and deceitful. I believe that honesty is better than lying and cheating. Gender and sexual orientation has nothing to do with it. Unless you think homosexuality confers special consideration, which I obviously don't agree with.

G40 you don't have to be that defensive as AF will still stick to her opinions. I've been also pointing out to AF that she seems not to have bothered toread the facts in the first place, we should discuss situation in question, not go personal.

there was no "flak" directed at you, Gay, you decided to take it up on behalf of everyone else

and if "hellooooo, have you women realised you are cheerleading cheating?" is "flak" then I am not sure what you expect

AF please do read my last few responses about this particular situation, your onslaught and sparring with G40 sound 'blind'. Sleepless is NOT planning to shag wiq behind partner's back.

I didn't make any mention of special consideration. I'm not sure who you are quoting there. I made mention of an extra dimension to the problem.
If you've read what I've put, I'm of the same opinion as you on infidelity. Maybe you missed it?

I have said over and over that I am not going to cheat in dp, that I am just trying to make sense of the fact that I am suddenly attracted to woman that's all.

Not that it matters as I am in the middle of typing her an email telling her I can't see her again and the reasons why. I feel like I am deceiving her by not telling her and over analysing every word she says. It's not a fair situation for anyone and it's the best solution I can come up with.

I also had no wish to derail your thread, as I detest it when it gets done elsewhere. Kind of inevitable I suppose though, it's uncomfortable when some interloper points out the truth of something some of you were getting a bit carried away by.

You weren't the first to put that opinion across, please don't flatter yourself. But well done on the derailing.

It's a short derail, Gay.

Sleepless, I hope you can work out what it is you want, with the least hurt done to others. And that text tennis you quoted, if I came across my partner indulging in it, would hurt me tremendously.

This thread strikes me as having vigorous enough energy to get firmly back on the rails .

sleepless. good idea with the email. If she feels the same she'll let you know and then you can make decisions, but you really don't have to stick with DP whether she is interested or not. I hope that she gives you a chance.

AF, I have the greatest respect for you and we have spoken many times under my usual name, you have told me to leave the bastard repeatedly and you have given me some fantastic advice.

I truly do not want to cheat on my partner emotionally or physically which is why I am sending her an email stopping it before it started, of it was ever going to start.

I need to get my own head sorted and decide what I want whether it be dp, her
Another man or woman but I don't need to hurt anyone else's feelings in the process

Nothing to add, save I agree with Gay and Likeas recent posts, they've explained the situation regarding sleepless very well imo.

AF you don't anything about sleep's partner ot whether he gives her what she deserves, by all accounts he's a selfish man. Your partner and you might be loved up, so these comparisons aer misguided.

I think if Sleepless was a woman detailing all of these texts, and the recipient was a man, a fair few people would be baying that it was an Emotional Affair, with some of them piling in to tell her that it was worse than a physical affair.

but slleplees, you aer not shutting the door on her, are you? if she shows interest, you should both give it a chance once you separate from dp. I didn't know you posted before but even from a few posts I gathered that he is not making you happy.

"You don't know how special you are..."
"You are gorgeous"
"You light up the room."

Put this in the context of a man saying this to a woman, and you'd have them all screaming "it's an emotional affair!"

I think her response that she is a "gobby cow" shows she is a bit worried about how the conversation is going, is trying to lighten the atmosphere a bit, and is thinking "Oh fuuuuck, I didn't mean gorgeous in that way."