Welcome to the Turning Tavern

[Gay40]

This is a thread for women who unexpectedly (or not) find themselves attracted to another woman.

what's a 'fat ninja' look regarding clothes?(puzzled)

Nothing like KD lang I'm afraid...for a start I have hair lol

I think G40 looks much more warm/kind than KD Lang.

KD Lang always reminds me of a sad Eskimo/Inuit.

haha exactly, with respect!

I love KD Lang, gorgeous woman. Sleepless I so remember that feeling. I was horrified/exhilarated when I had the lightbulb moment that I fancied a woman at college.....for weeks I had been puzzling at why I felt so flustered and tongue tied around her! It had literally never occured to me that I might have a relationship with a woman. I felt so freaked out. It was like that feeling you get when your are on a plane and it takes off but then suddenly feeling as if you were on the wrong plane!

It took me a long time to get comfortable with those feelings, to come out to myself as it were. I think, in truth we are all different. Some people do only ever fancy women (like my DP) and others have had relationships with men and only in later life explore being with women, and others like yourself are taken completely by surprise by their feelings for a woman. It's way too soon to worry about labelling yourself but I do know what you mean. I remember crying to my best friend saying "but I don't want to live a lonely life with loads of cats"!!!!! Bizarre!

Cherries have you ended up with a woman though? or cats ? I'm in the same boat as sleepless, at 40ish.

I much prefer Mary Portas look to KD Lang, she's quite boyish in manner/figure but not androgynous. She is bi though, maybe majority of always-gay women do look androgynous (?).

I went out with blokes till my mid 20's and then one day i read a magazine article about a woman who had always fancied women but had ignored it and gone on to get married and have kids and then fallen for a woman etc etc. I had a sort of epiphany and realised that I couldn't ignore my feelings any more. I then had a few flings with women followed by a 10 year relationship with a woman. During that time I had my DD (a friend was a donor). My ex didn't want to be a parent (it's a long story, wont bore you with it now!) so we split up. I was then single for a couple of years before meeting my wonderful DP (gorgeous, gorgeous woman) on an online dating site.

That was 8 years ago. I can't imagine myself with a man ever now, oddly enough though, hope this isn't tmi but it's not really about the sex, more about my identity. I just feel like myself when I am in a relationship with a woman in a way that I don't with a man. Also I feel alot more feminine with a woman, I used to be quite a tomboy when I had boyfriends but now, as a lesbian I am really girly! It's strange!

Mary Portas is so great! I don't fancy her but I do think she is fabulous! Likea many of my friends have been in your situation so, as you are finding you are not alone. I used to run a gay womens drop in and many of the women attending were in a similar position.

interesting about being boyish/girly. I can only go by one example (my crush who is the only woman I'm interested in ) but I haven't chnged so much in physical sense, if anything I'm a bit less girly than with men but I never was reaclly girly, but my personality is different when relating to a woman I'm attracted to. With men I'm quite bossy and very outspoken, also quite short tempered when they annoy me (some of them who are slow/not too bright) but with the woman I'm quite happy to give her the lead and almost do as she wants (REALLY unheard of from me in r-hsips before) maybe because I really admire her taste and intelligence and she can't do much wrong - but even if we don't agree on something, I can't see myself shouting at all (we are not in r-ship, just friendly, but i can easily imagine), so have MUCH longer fuse than with men. As to fancying women - I can never fancy a very feminine woman, probably because I'm still part-hetero or bi and my taste leans towards boyish, but not butch, I mean even more so in personality - I can't deal with wet soppy/crying women as partners or even friends! I'm very sensitive so a woman needs to be sensitive but quite with it and strong (not too much, but not weak). Mywiq has that but also she has grace/delicate quality that men don't have (if they do it feels unpleasant).
I don't fancy Mary as such but I like her.
Great to hear you found the right woman! how did people you knew take it? accepting?

Sometimes people change their own style when their sexuality shifts. I've never really understood why.

I don't fancy Mary Portas either....somewhat too angular for me.

polly , well lets just say that over the past couple of years i have been exploring more unusual elements of my sexuality (since break up of my marriage) so my partner and I (male) have been to a couple of swingers parties, so at one of these parties in one of the darkened rooms i ended making out with a couple of women. I was really suprised about how 'different ' being intimate with a woman was. Even though I didnt know these women, some how it felt more comforting and to me at least almost maternal in nature.

I prefer more boyish women. Kd Lang in her youth. Coribels-that sounds interesting.

yeah, fun as well.
I know this 'club' has parties for those who are bi curious , so i may go to one of those if i can get up the nerve ;)

Morning all.
Cherries - good to hear your input. I worried a lot about what certain individuals (just a handful of in-the-box-thinking family members/friends) would think about my sudden switch from a seemingly straight married woman to a raging lesbo woman madly in love with another woman. As it turns out I haven't told that many and the people who know have been really cool about it (to my face at least). If it feels really right you can't see how there can be anything wrong with it. If other people have a problem with it, it's their problem (or prejudice). I suppose all the time I was married I was thinking: is this it? Will I get butterflies thinking about someone else ever again?
I never had feelings for a woman before and I always say this is a one-off for me but I guess you can never be sure. I may think that because I just want to be with my WIQ and no one else. She is the one I'd like to spend the rest of my life with. And I've never felt like that before about anyone (including the man I married).
In terms of my identity, I don't feel I am one thing or another, just not entirely heterosexual. How I see it is my life has got a lot more interesting than I thought it ever would.

Wanted to add was it hard telling friends/family about your love for a woman? Did it make people think differently about you (in a good way that you were open to other experiences not just what might have been expected of you)? Telling children could be tricky but I guess that depends on what age they are.

coribells so you're coming at things from a different angle to many on here then - that is, they have developed crushes on a particular woman without knowing if they would actually enjoy sex with a woman. Your experience was sexual, with no previous emotional tie to the women involved, and that's really interesting to hear about.

Loveis I think you're right re the children issue. Likea has concerns about her WIQ because her children are grown up and therefore will have their own opinions about sexuality - especially relating to their parents because you get to a certain age and the idea of having to think about your parents as sexual beings is enough to make you run screaming in the opposite direction.

My DCs are still very young so it would be easier to introduce a WIQ to them as a friend, and for them to have time - years! - to know that person before becoming aware that our relationship was more than just friends. So it's a gradual process.

Yes in regards to telling my children I guess it will happen organically as things unfold. I suppose it's HOW you do it and not making a big deal out of it?

Morning all

Wiq is very quiet today cause she has a life that doesn't revolve around me gahh so I am feeling a little despondent but I'm not going to worry about it.

Interesting about telling children etc, mine are all under 11 and I don't think it would be an issue for them, as they have gay uncles etc and same sex relationships are seen just as normal as mixed sex relationships (so they should be) even before I met wiq and started to question myself I've been very sure to make sure they understand that comments such as "that's gay" about things that a uncool etc are not acceptable, they would never say it but a lot of kids round her do. Growing up with a gay sibling has made me very aware of how tough he has had things at times he is far and above the nicest young man I have ever known and I am so proud of him

Wiq has adult/older teenagers and a grandchild so I'd imagine this would make things so much harder for her big if if she does feel as I do

Just checking in to say hello on my way through! Polly, I'm absolutely thrilled for you that your wiq has finally gotten round to asking you out... About time too! I think you've given us all a bit of a heart warming feeling that no matter how negative the vibes may seem sometimes, there is sometimes hope...

Which rather ironically leads me to say that I have rather given up hope for my wiq. Her life is far too busy and exciting and there is no way on earth that she would be mad enough to be sitting around having the kind of thoughts that I do. I once again feel like an utter fool for my feelings, and ashamed of them too - not only because I'm married but because I can imagine her being the type (from her rather lofty, sophisticated-life position) to think I would be really sad, not to mention ridiculous to be having such thoughts.

Not only that but I am married and to the rest of the world living the dream with my perfect house, friends, and family, and I have decided that I need to focus on what I have, and what I could lose if I were to jeopardise any of it. I owe it to my dh to focus more on our relationship and stop taking it for granted. He doesn't deserve to be messed about.

So I will be checking in and out, lurking a bit, possibly the occasional post, but I'm going to have to try and keep away for a while (if I can!) I really hope that you all have lots of good karma girls.

Polly I hope you tether her down!
Sleepless I hope you make the right decision x
Tonneofbricks thank you for starting the string of threads that have ensued, it's helped knowing that others are struggling with unrequited feelings too! But good luck, I have a strangely good feeling, that this is a slow burner.
Digbert I hope you find a new, single crush soon to focus on and hopefully make merry with!
Gay your counsel has been wonderful, wishing you and your dp lots of good vibes
Crushing I hope you are ok, a lot of what you've said resonates with me, and I hope you find peace in your mind soon, as I hope I do x
All others, lots of love and good wishes. Life is bloody complicated sometimes, if only we could programme ourselves to be less so!

Bye for a while xx

Trapped...you are welcome back whenever you like x

polly i have definetly had crushes on women in th past, and do find myself attracted to women. When I was younger if the oppurtunity had arose I might have pursued a relationship. But nothing ever happened. I then got married , long term monogamus relationship etc etc and i forgot about it. Though continued to have the odd crush on women (and other men as well) . That interest has now been re awoken, and its suprising. Im not sure id be ready for a full on relationship with another woman though, ( i have a long term male partner, but its a polyamarous relationship , so i could pursue it if I wanted. But that really is uncharted territory.

Trapped, I'm glad you made a decision, some feelings are there just to be felt, not acted on - I suppose we should be thankful for them as life experience and even a gift, rather than always wanting more - but it's very hard. This happened to me a while ago(impossible situation with a man) who I still love to some extent, but with the wiq I actually see possibility of being together as there's no serious obstacles and I love her as a person first, whereas with that younger man it was a bit irrational (not the nicest person). But strong feelings do not go completely. I do wishh you to meet someone new! Of course my wiq could have an issue with making a leap, or with telling friends and children, but it's not an unsurmountable thing I hope, like your situation is. Thank you so much that you have a good feeling about my thing (though I try not to hope too much) - I also have found a more peaceful state and sort of accepted that what will be will be while still making steps. I always resonate with a lot of you say - do come back sometime! I too feel that my wiq could see my thoughts as silly , she has a very busy social life and would hardly sit and think of me or fantasise, sometimes she's spaced out when I talk to her if a lot's on her mind(cue to stop at those times) - the positive is that she's not married or loved up even though preocccupied with her child emotionally but this is balancing itself now. she may be drawn to me if she feels I care for HER, rather than it's yet someone else to care/worry about - she could have more sexual thoughts but they are on slow burn most likely. She's not in a lifestyle like yours, not glam as such, but she does go out a lot and thinks I'm odd for not going out much in the eves, which is purely due to the lack of partner or a family-free friend nearby, so I'm worried and also feel a bit guilty in case she has no idea. I tend to go out a lot when with a partner, but in any case her life at the moment is busier and more entertaining than mine, so I'm not feeling that confident as to her opinion generally, even though I know she likes me somehow, possibly because I like her a lot, ha.
sleepless, we all hope monday lunch brings some clarity!