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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Welcome to the Turning Tavern

999 replies

Gay40 · 09/04/2012 21:32

This is a thread for women who unexpectedly (or not) find themselves attracted to another woman.

OP posts:
Original poster
Gay40 · 14/04/2012 21:53

Nimpy we don't do labels here. We've voted against it democratically.

OP posts:
Original poster
Gay40 · 14/04/2012 21:54

Hello Mags. You are very welcome to join in, providing you adhere to our civilised lesbian tea drinking ethos.

OP posts:
MagsAloof · 14/04/2012 21:56

Pmsl! at Gay40

I can do tea. Oh yes indeedy.

NimpyWindowmash · 14/04/2012 22:00

I appreciate that Gay. Its not about so much labels, although they are inadequate. My discomfort is about having certainty one way or the other - that is just so alien to me. People posting things like "I'm getting more convinced that I'm a lesbian" for example. I just think I would never have that certainty - I'm always swaying in the breeze. Perhaps I'm just a bit jealous of those that are sure.

Original poster
Gay40 · 14/04/2012 22:05

They might be more convinced that they are a lesbian, but that doesn't necessarily mean for the rest of their natural born days. They are probably swaying about as much as you over a lifetime.

OP posts:
Synchronicity · 14/04/2012 22:11

Hmm, ISWYM Nimpy I stressed for quite a long time as to my sexuality, wanting to be sure, to label myself in effect - probably beause as you said that felt like a more certain place to be. At the moment, although as I said I'm not sure, I'm trying more to just acknowledge my strong feelings for women, but also the fact I've had rlx with men, and stop trying to square the two quite so much. It's helping me feel less turmoil about it all. It helps to be out of my truly shite marriage as well.

Nice to meet you cherries and mags too :)

sleeplessindenial · 14/04/2012 22:12

Evening all,

Polly! Brilliant news :-D

I've had a lovely day with wiq, took dc to the park and we went on the swings which was fun. Lots of laughing and giggling, a few comments about fit rugby players as they were playing on the field near by us.

Again she sat close to me but the house was very crowded.

The text messages that were exchanged afterwards were nice, she said I'm a lovely lady Smile I said that I think the world of her and she said "I feel the same, you're the first person I call when I have something to tell things too" Smile

And we were talking about going for lunch Monday and she said I had to make sure she was good (regarding g food she is dieting) and I said that I'd try my best but I could never be strict with her.

She replied "you make me sound like im special" so I said that was because I thought she was special. She also said I was a wonderful woman and she was very glad she met me, and that all she ever needs and wants for is for me to be myself And that she is looking forward to Monday. Talked a bit about diets and told her she didn't need a diet cause she looks great.

We will be without children on Monday for the first time, apart from the baby.

She also said she had a dream about me the other night, that she had won the lottery and bought me a house!

I saw my other friend this evening, she is married to a lady and they have recently become parents. I was reading and replying to texts and she asked who it was and I said it was my friend, she started laughing and said "that's more than a friend Blush" I did explain to her about how I felt and she was really surprised. She had a look at some of the messages felt that wiq was flirty and sweet and that even if she wasn't interested she must know how I felt because it was obvious in what I had written.

I'm still very unsure whether wiq is just lovely or interested and lovely.

Everything about her is so amazing.

pollyblue · 14/04/2012 22:14

HI Allotment

and a cheery 'helloooo' to all the newcomers.

No, I've no plans not to work with her next week, now I've excused myself. I did mention it to her in my reply to her email of earlier and I've not heard anything back...

Synchronicity · 14/04/2012 22:16

Thinking about this more, I guess I started with a thought process which went OMG I DO fancy women...holy shite I must be a lesbian after all...but wait, I'm married, WTF do I do? I'm going to have to come out to everyone...oh crap what if I'm wrong and actually I have a relationship with a woman and I'm not a lesbian after all, but I've told everyone I am... etc etc.

I'm trying to replace that with thinking, let's just see who I am (minus the labelling, but in various areas of my life), if I meet someone I'm attracted to who likes me great. I'm kind of in the space of hoping that's my friend a woman, but hey I guess it could be a man. not likely I'll find the time to meet anyone given I have two under 5 and a job

pollyblue · 14/04/2012 22:18

good evening sleepless!

Well, a lovely day by the sounds of it but no closer to knowing how she really feels. Maybe on Monday you'll have a chance to find out?

Synchronicity · 14/04/2012 22:19

sleepless have read all your posts - sounds like you had a nice day, but it does seem like confusing signals too.

likeatonneofbricks · 14/04/2012 22:33

sleep - can't wait for Monday! the only chance to tell her what you feel -and the response - when it's just the two of you. Shame you didn't get time to yourselves today, this must be trying your patience, the pent up feelings! I agree with oyur friend that she must know you fancy her by now, remains to be seen whether it's mutual, I think there is a chance. If she was just friendly, wouldnt she think she encourages you too much (knowing how you feel)?? if she goes to gay bars she must know he signals even better.
polly - is your wiq very tall or you like to be taller than a woman you like? I kind of feel I want to be less tall haha, I'm quite tall but with heels I'm muchtaller than wiq, so I try not to wear heels (not that i generally do, only small ones). You know, I did visualise you as tall and lanky Smile!

sleeplessindenial · 14/04/2012 22:38

Sorry I xposted with lots of people, hello to all the newbies Smile

Been crying over ncis tonight and my eyes are still stinging Blush

I don't think she is being deliberately confusing, more that we don't get much time to talk alone face to face if one of the dc is always chatting with us, they are a lovely close family. So we talk a lot by text, I will have to try and test the waters a bit on Monday.

I don't understand how I can get to this age and suddenly fall for a woman? I am also having a panic like the other poster ( sorry on phone so can't scroll back) about maybe at some point coming out as a lesbian, even the word scares me. About what people would think, and say. Then I reassure myself that even if that happened its not for a long time and it's not worth worrying about.

likeatonneofbricks · 14/04/2012 22:39

polly, after many drinks, do you think you could restrain yourself not to get colser in some way? Grin you do need some plan/tactics, unless it IS strictly friendship that you want Wink.

pollyblue · 14/04/2012 22:40

Likea no she's an inch or two shorter than me but I've seen her in bonkers high heels which made her taller than me and a bit intimidating Grin. So when I got her email earlier my first thought was 'right, must get the high-heeled boots out!'

Original poster
Gay40 · 14/04/2012 22:42

I was thinking tonight that if only the Chancer could see me in my normal clothes (as opposed to suited and booted workwear) it should put her off well and truly.

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pollyblue · 14/04/2012 22:42

Oh yes I can do restrained (and not as in, she'll need a restraining order either Grin).

Even with a few drinks inside me I'm not one to throw myself at someone with gay abandon - I really hope we can be friends so i wouldn't do anything to scupper that.

If she lobs herself at me though....well it would be unkind to push her away wouldn't it?

pollyblue · 14/04/2012 22:43

are you a bit of a bag lady Gay?

likeatonneofbricks · 14/04/2012 22:44

sleep - you are hardly alone though, same happened to me (shock) even though the chances that i get into actual r-ship are slim and yours are higher with your wiq. Same worries too. People would label as lesbians as you can't go and tell everyone that you used to be hetero, they identify you from what they see Now (if you start livingwith a woman).

pollyblue · 14/04/2012 22:45

...though I quite like the unkempt intellectual look myself.

pollyblue · 14/04/2012 22:46

sleepless try not to worry in advance, just let things evolve and see what happens. Baby steps.

Original poster
Gay40 · 14/04/2012 22:49

I'm scrupulously clean and perfumed as MrsG's toiletry budget will testify but my non-work look is a cross between a skater boy and a fat ninja.

OP posts:
pollyblue · 14/04/2012 22:51

bloody hell Grin

likeatonneofbricks · 14/04/2012 22:52

i was just going to say polly, no need for restrain if she starts anything, that wd be too harsh on YOU, haha. I can never be shorter than wiq whatever her heels, but thinking of it I prob wouldn't want to be shorter than her as I'd feel even more 'junior' being younger and smaller - on the other hand being taller somehow means I'm more likely to hug her than she me, and that's not always good.

NimpyWindowmash · 14/04/2012 22:53

Gay40, I have you as KD Lang on a better day, but that's stereotyping for you