Welcome to the Turning Tavern

[Gay40]

This is a thread for women who unexpectedly (or not) find themselves attracted to another woman.

For crying out loud, as it's my comment that seems to have caused such outrage, I will say one thing -

I am not encouraging her to cheat on her partner. I was (in a light hearted way, which obviously went down like a lead balloon) suggesting a way she could get sometime last night to talk to her WIQ. sleepless seemed very keen to do so - she's tying herself in knots trying to work out if her feelings are reciprocated. If they are, then sleepless has some serious thinking to do, but I think you do her a miservice by suggesting she would cheat on her partner just because some posters on here are (allegedly) telling her to. I'm sure she has her own mind.

This has been going on for a few days and (afaik) nothing untoward has happened between them. I was not suggesting she invite WIQ over for a night of unbridled passion.

And to dworkin and bunny - several of the posters on here are in relationships but have suddenly developed feelings for someone else who happens to be a woman. As Gay said, this post thread was started for women to discuss those feelings without being judged. That's life, it's messy sometimes.

I'm with Polly. Some people need to lighten up round here. No one has done anything wrong. We are all just ruminating about feelings and possibilities. We're in a tavern after all, not a nunnery.

Yepyep to polly and Loveis. What's with all the judgment? Nothing has happened, and how the hell else is the poor woman supposed to work out if she should stay in her current relationship or not? She's pretty much going to spend time with this person while she works out what on earth to do, if anything.

Crushes often blow over and are based on nothing but illusion. This could be a big deal in terms of what it signals for sleepless and her sexuality. It's not wrong to have feelings for someone, it's wrong to act on them if you are in a closed monogamous relationship, and it's pretty much always wrong to lie to your partner, but sleepless has acknowledged these things already and how guilty/conflicted she is feeling so there is no need to continue throwing stones.

And the hypocrisy continues.....

polly - Life is complicated? Really? Wow thanks for that nugget.

The OP is clearly going through a confusing time. But let's not get carried away....she has developed a schoolgirl crush on someone she barely knows.

Of rather more importance is the partner she has and the child they have together. Surely it would be more beneficial to the OP to encourage her to address the reasons behind her sudden change of heart rather than to encourage something that is teetering on the verge of at least an emotional and possibly a physical affair? After all sudden infatuations like these often occur when someone is struggling in their relationship. It's the ultimate form of escapism isn't it?

It could well turn out that this woman is the love of her life and that the OP finishes with her partner in a decent and respectful way and they all go on to live happily ever after. Forgive me if I'm sceptical on that one.

I have no problem with the objective of this thread whatsoever. Somewhere to air feelings you can't share in real life can only be a good thing. But it's now become solely about sleepless and her potentially very damaging crush.

Again it makes me no end knowing that were sleepless a man she would be run out of town by the usual MN pitch-fork wielding band of harpies.

Bunny you are my new girl crush.

Well we are in the right place for it Spacegirl

oh! i wanted to come and chat but seems i've walked in on controversy.

HepHep 'how the hell else is the poor woman supposed to work out if she should stay in her current relationship or not?'

Well its pretty obvious to me, She either loves her Partner or she doesn't!

If a little bit of attention from another person being male or female causes this much tension in her life then the answer is there, But keeping hold of someone till she works out her feelings for someone else is just wrong!

I'm not throwing stones, Believe me I am no Angel and made big mistakes in my life like everyone else.

I really feel for Sleeples's Partner though during her Am I/Am I Not feelings, I can imagine and I may be wrong that things must be pretty stressful at home for her now if all her thoughts and attention are on someone else.

Waves at swallowed fly..

this a passing thing or the general tone dig?

It's a bar brawl. Hopefully things will cool off shortly.

Also waving at swallowedAfly, and good morning to Loveis

I'm hoping it's a passing thing...:)) hi loveis...and teedee.
Off to the gym to lust at my girl crush...

G'day HepHep, Tee, Swallow and Dig

Just for the record, I did start a thread and was pointed in the direction of these lovely ladies.

Also, it's not about having an affair or cheating on a partner. It's about feelings and emotions and realising you might not be the person you thought you were.

My thoughts about her are not fair to dp, but they are my private thoughts and im entitled to them. I've not so much as said anything in appropriate to her unless telling he she is gorgeous counts, I've not touched her, I've had fantasises about her but like any other adult, married, gay or straigh, my fantasises are my own - I don't know what dp fantasises about and it's none of my business.

I've said over and over that I don't want to cheat on dp. I am only talking with people that understand about how I feel, how confusing it is and also how scared I am.

Dp is no saint btw, far from it but this isn't the place for that.

I took the send him to the pub comment in the spirit it was intended couldn't though as he ha just started an alcoholism programme which was as a jokey throwaway comment.

I will retire from this thread now as I don't want to cause any upset to anyone but wish you all lots of luck!

I am off to pick my charger up at 5pm so get to see her

Will be sorry to see you go sleepless :(
I hope things work out for you.

dig how was the gym?

Sleepless - come back! Don't be put off by negativity and a few school marmy comments. This thread was started so we could all air and express our feelings. You have many supporters who have been or are in similar situations and we can all hopefully help each other through the minefield of sexuality and life changing (or not) moments.

Come back sleepless, the majority of us want you here. I like your posts :)
In my own sexuality musings today online I found this blog post which you might find useful, the first bit of it anyway which is almost the reverse of your situation, but the advise still holds true. Kind of says what I wanted to say upthread better as well, as I don't think I unscrambled the contents of my head properly enough to put it in the right way.

swallowed, welcome, and don't be put off by the cat fights . Pull up a barstool and stay. I love living vicariously through others stories and experiences

And to all those judgemental folk that have commented the thread recently, if people are really happy in a fully functioning relationship these feelings Sleepless is having probably wouldn't arise. We don't know all the intimate details of her relationship with her dp (and frankly it's nothing to do with us.) When you judge someone else you are really only judging yourself.

sleepless I'm glad I didn't offend and you realised I was joking.

I should learn to re-read before posting I think

And I'm sorry that comment seems sparked moral consternation in some quarters. Please don't let that put you off using the thread.

Afternoon Polly - let's hope this rumpus calms down and Sleepless will tip-toe back to bar

Hello Loveis

I'm all for a bit of heated debate (God, do you remember Mrs Merton?!) but it was the trotting out of the same hoary old lines that irked me a bit, esp as there seemed to be a bit of deliberating misinterpreting/ignoring some of the things that had been said. Anyhoo....I realise my comment didn't help matters.

My trouble is I still think I'm on Likeatonnes thread! Which was quite straightforward (inasmuchas she has no partner) and generally pretty lighthearted/banter-ish. I know sleepless is in a much stickier situation so a bit more gravitas is needed.

Hi everyone
I've been reading this thread with interest and have finally decided to post!
I'm quite young and am really confused about my sexuality. I've always found other women attractive and have only fantasied about women (never men) I've never thought of myself as a lesbian and have never fancied women (only men). I regret not experimenting with women but the opportunity has never arisen I'm not even sure if I could label myself as bi! This is so confusing!
Thannk you to everyone who has shared their stories on this thread they've been very intresting.

Also only just found this tavern and have enjoyed reading about the experiences and insights :) Didn't enjoy the little brawl I saw earlier, I was quite enjoying the very friendly and helpful tone of the earlier pages. It's really quite an interesting group and the first time I've ever wanted to contribute anything to a question about sexuality. I shy away from Lesbian stuff, as I'm in a straight relationship. I shy away from Straight as I fantasize about women regularly. I shy away from Bisexual because that suggests I actively want to date both (not at the same time) men and women. Like others, it's not the case. I don't fancy men more or women more. I fancy attractive people, and I could fall in love with an attractive personality.

I never intended to fall in love with DP. It was actually my intention after my last break up to finally try a "girlfriend", I even had someone in mind. But I met him and he's amazing. I have no intention of ever leaving him, he's perfect for me in every single way. He also knows about this side of me (we were very open when we first got together as it was supposed to be a short fling so there was never going to be any jealousy) and I'm glad he knows. He trusts me infinitely anyway, so it's not like it's going to be a problem - you know, when people say "Now I know she's bi, I can't trust her with men or women!"

I've had one very drunken threesome encounter with a girl back as a teenager and didn't necessarily enjoy it. She wasn't my type and I was a bit overwhelmed. I do regret now that I'll never be able to have an intimate sober experience with a woman I actually like though. Sometimes it does make me sad that I won't ever go there properly (the same as I regret not doing the university experience, or having an 18-25s holiday!)

What do you do to escape those feelings of remorse at a missed opportunity?