I shouldn't be upset about this should I?

[PleaseLeaveGeorge]

But I am upset I know it's none of my business and nothing to do with me but I can't unhear what I heard iyswim.

I have been with dp for a couple of years now and always had a very adventurous sex life, usually quite experimental and he has pushed my boundaries although not overstepped them.

He always made it very clear all this stuff was new to him, that he was nervous, that it was special to us etc

But, I bumped into his ex today and we got chatting. She seems nice, I knew who she was but hadn't spoken to her before. We were talking about dp and his annoying habits and she said "well he was always a dirty bugger lol" I asked what she meant and it turns out that everything we had done for the first time he had ready done with her and I know she is telling the truth as it came from her with no input from me and she was spot on with the stuff we do.

It's not run of the mill stuff, it is based on a lot of trust and it seems he told us both how much it meant to him that we could do this together etc

I feel dirty!

So he lied about his sexual past to convince you to take a risk with your sexual health?

Great guy!

SO you quizzed his ex and she was happy to tell you things? I would really, really think about WHY you felt the need to quizz her. Are you insecure about the relationship in general?

If a woman made a throwaway comment to me about my DH like that, I would walk away...the past is the past. Old relationships are just that and if I was your partner I would be VERY upset that you hade talked about this.

And...if you are having unproteted sex with him, it is time to go to the clinic and get your health checked out.

So, Athing if your DP bumped into your ex today and they discussed your sex life if detail you would be fine with that would you?

If an ex's current partner quizzed me about my sex life with him, I wouldn't answer or give details- the fact that she told you so much strikes me as very odd indeed.

in detail

Trust your instincts!

i am not sure why it is the OP's fault here .
She didn't force the subject, the ex started it. She was the one who made a comment about it.

And tbh, no I wouldn't be up in arms if the situation was reversed. Not in this context

Bear in mind she met this woman for the first time today!

But...but how did the discussion even come about? I am having visions of the two of you discussing sex lives past and present outside of Greggs or something.

I agree, if this post was from a man he would be instantly deemed controlling and inappropriate etc.

You need to have a chat with him, see what he has to say. Bet he won't be expecting that particular topic of conversation.

And agree, go to the clinic and have yourself tested.
You are obvioulsy not the first person he had unprotected sex with.

i cant imagine why she would tell you those things

I agree Peppa, I think the ex was totally inappropriate.

Agree ex sounds like she has an agenda. Don't speak to her again, she's probably enjoying the fact that she is stirring up trouble. You've made her feel that their relationship is still relevant to yours which should never be the case.

Bizarre. Totally bizarre.

It was like this:

Blah blah blah but he's a dirty sod isn't he?

Me: what do you mean?

Her: the way he loves xxxxx, kinky sod

Me:

Her: you know

And yes, then I asked questions.

I feel like I have been tricked. I never thought I would do any of these things and he said we would be trying them for the first time together, acted nervous and fumbling, was amazed after, told me how special we were Because of these things. And has the photos, he also took photos of her.

I wish I hadn't had the conversation with her but I can't change that I did

Euuurgh at discussing your partner's sex life with his ex. Just eurgh.

The no-condom stuff is not good though.

I've downplayed my previous sexual encounters. I don't see why my DP needs to know. I don't consider it to be deceitful.

She is trying to make you feel insecure.

You do need to have a conversation with DP though.

I am at loss as to why the 'how did you get to talk about that' is seeing more important as the 'how is it OK for this guy to be lying ion this way and to be putting up a huge show to back himself up. How is it Ok that he used that to convince the Op to have unprotected sex wo any checks/ How is it Ok that he used that to convince the Op to do things that she would not have even thought about before?'

This is a major breech of confidence because he lies to obtain some sexual gratifications he probably not have had otherwise. He lied to obtain a confidence that he might not have got otherwise.

For all you know he may have discussed doing things with her but never actually did them because the trust wasnt there for him. She may still want him back, picked up on your insecurities, and had a field day!

Just remember there are always two sides to everything. The fact that you trust each other to do these things (and I think I know what you are getting at having been in a similar relationship) means a huge amount. Even if he had tried stuff it doesnt mean it was to the same intensity as with you.

He has played you. You were pretty naive to fall for his lines but lesson learnt.

He sounds slimy to me - I'd get rid.

How old are you George? You sound a bit niave. I work in a college and it sound like the teenagers I deal with everyday.

Photos? Are you mad? Never trust anyone with intimate photos! Relationships aren't forever in a lot (most) cases.

Basic stuff this George. I think you better tell your DP before X does!

I think we've all done that Kiss.

But blatantly lying about it and putting on quite the show as op's dp has in order to coerce your other half into doing something you want them to is different.