I think my husbands cheating

[fizzyizzy]

Oh God. Hes just gone out to a clients house and I have been tidying his wardrobe. I wasn't snooping. I looked in his gym bag - its so like him to leave his dirty gym kit in there and I've found a phone. It's not his phone, I've never seen it before. There is no reason for him to have another phone. I'm worried that this is a secret phone. That he's having an affair. I can't believe im writing this. He is the a great husband and a brilliant father to our three month old little girl. We are happy and we hardly ever argue. We've been together 8 years we've been through so much together. But I have this niggling doubt. My hearts pounding. What do I do????

Fizzy I really respect you for your strong stance. You have your head switched on.

So glad you are safe and with your lovely mum. Do you know when I read your first post I felt sick for you. What an absolute bastard he is, with a gorgeous twelve week old baby, words fail me at his selfishness. The two faced pathetic cheat.

xx

God my heart has been racing as I read this thread, your world blown apart before our eyes, what a horrible, horrible thing to happen to you.

I am so sorry for what you are going through but you have my utmost respect for the way you have handled this from the moment you found the phone. You asked for advice, you got some truly fantastic advice (though makes me mad so many women have been through this, good grief!) and you have taken it.

Stay safe with your mum and your beautiful baby. We will be here for you whenever you need us.

Oh Fizzy, I'm so sorry your H has done this to you. I found out my H has been having an affair last week.

My best advice would be to not speak to him for a few days at least- you know he has been cheating, and the phone tells you how long it's been going on roughly. There isn't any more he can tell you that will help you right now. The next few days will not be easy as you deal with the shock you are in, and you don't need to listen to any of his drama/apologies/explanations as they will only cloud your head and upset you more. Use this time for the dust to settle and to decide what you want to happen next, as you are in control of this now.

Practically, the best thing you could do is to remove as much money as you can from any joint accounts. You can't trust this man sadly now, and you can't be sure of his next move. Hopefully you have enough stuff with you to last a few days, so you don't have to go back and see him for now.

I've had some horrible, horrible days and nights where I actually thought I would die from the heartbreak I was feeling, but you know what, I'm still alive and I'm ok. I'm not happy about things, but I'm ok and I'm looking after my babies. Good luck with the next few days xxxx

So sorry op

Hi OP. Glad you are in a safe place with your mum. So, so sorry for all of it.

I've been thinking about you constantly and I'm sure lots of others have too. It's downright noble of you to post on here and give an update when all this is going on for you. It shows what a lovely person you are that you have done this.

You didn't need any more evidence but the 'I'm sorry' text says it all. You didn't get it wrong.

Comfort yourself with how well you have handled things. How ghastly the fear and panic must have been for your husband when he realised you'd got the phone and had rumbled him and his sordid little secret, panic that made him ring you up 'to check you were OK' as Vander predicted. Then arriving home to find you and his baby gone.

It's a pyrrhic victory of course because none of this is what you wanted, but I hope you take some strength from it in the days to come. You haven't let him off the hook or been a chump or a mug. You didn't swallow any lies, let him convince you of what you'd want to believe, or expose yourself to him trying to win you round. You've behaved with great strength and dignity.

Your husband will have a terrible Easter weekend with plenty of time and space to reflect on how badly he's fucked up his life and fatherhood. The OW will be no comfort - whatever she can offer him will seem shallow and empty and meaningless in the face of what he's lost. Nothing less than he deserves.

Stay where you are - in a safe place - and stay aloof. Your instinct to do this is very wise, hopefully he will feel too much shame to contact you when you are with your mum. Take strength from your baby (how I envy you a three month old daughter, my dd are much older now, a baby that age is so gorgeous). And hold on to the fact that, irrespective of him, you need to enjoy this time with your baby. It's all yours.

Don't beat yourself up when the adrenaline runs out and you fall apart, just stay in an atmosphere of support.

Cwtchy, read your thread at the time and you've also done inspiringly well and it's great of you to offer your support. Best wishes and strength to you both. xx

Big hugs to cwtchy and fizz, off to bed now but will check again in the morning, you are not alone fizz, you have your mum your DD and a few thousand MNers crammed in that house with you tonight!!

Fizzy, so proud of the decisive action you have taken. While I'm sorry you are going through this I am glad you have some solid evidence and an admission of guilt instead of just suspicions. You may be shattered but he hasn't the opportunity to witness that thankfully. Because now his plan will consist of trying to keep your dream of 'your family' alive. He will try and guilt you about taking your daughter's daddy away. He did that. He can still see her. You will be setting a good example for her, you wouldn't want a husband like that for her? Alternatively, if you plan to try and salvage the marriage you are in a great spot:( to as you hold all the cards. He can knock himself out doing EVERYTHING possible to regain your trust. Make him bark like a dog grovel. I am so sorry to see what's happened to your life in the last few hours but glad you are in a strong position. Sorry also for your mum (hugs for your mum) this must be hard for her too. I too envy you a 12 week old baby girl! She will grow up to be strong like her mum. X

Sorry for no gaps, posting on ancient phone.

Horrific for you Fizzy , take care this weekend. So glad you and your lovely girl have your Mum. x

Good Morning fizzyizzy, the first thing I wanted to do today was to say I am thinking of you as you wake this morning full of the disbelief no doubt of what has happened to you since last night. In just twelve hours your life has been turned upside down.

My heart goes out to you again today. Stay strong and wise and follow you gut, you will survive this but don't compromise your values ever. xx

My advice is to get to your house and make sure he is chucked out
Take your mum with you
Thinking of you

Fizzy,how are you feeling today,hope you managed to get some rest,thinking of you and your dd.xx

Morning lovely. Been thinking of you x

I hope you and your lovely DD managed to sleep a little bit last night. You're in my thoughts and prayers x

Been following this since 8pm last night. So very very sorry that man has put you through this, and at such a vulnerable time. What a scumbag xxxx

I'm so sorry to read this. Hope that you have managed some sleep overnight. What a twat, a gutless twat.

I've just read your thread from top to bottom and I'm raging mad on your behalf. Your ex is an arsehole. An utterly spineless fucking wanker. I'm so very sorry.
Sending you lots of love and strength to get through this horrible time. I'm so glad you could ring your mum for support. Take care x x

When my OH cheated (i caught him out via email) the OW didn't have a clue until i told her. She was devastated,I don't understand how any woman could knowingly have a relationship with a married man. Your husband is a bastard. Hope you are ok OP.

I couldn't sleep last night and read this whole thread.

Fuck me, what a dreadful shock you've had. And what a terrible betrayal.

Your husband is a weak, foolish, selfish man who has let you and your baby down with devastating consequences.

Sorry if it's beginning to sound like a stuck record - but you are doing amazingly well. I admire you.

Good luck and post when you can x

Keep strong fizzy he didn't deserve you or your precious baby. Don't lose sight of that.
x

Really sorry you are going through this.

He sent a text to the other phone - HIS other phone saying 'I'm sorry'. Well that is proof if you needed any that it is his phone. He can't deny now

If he is anything like most of the stories on here it will be 'we are just friends', 'it was just texting', 'we only kissed', 'it was just the once' before you find out the sordid truth if you ever do.

Do what you want in your time scale. Don't be pressured by others into forgiving or dumping. Take all the time you need and make the decision that is right for you.

Please take yourself to an STI clinic and get yourself checked. If you do get back with him ensure he also has a complete check before his knob gets anywhere near you. Personally I hope it turns green and falls off but that may not be your hope.

Try to eat and let your family and friends look after you and your baby. /hugs

So sorry love. I hope you're coping this morning & had some sleep. What a horrible shock

Fizzy, I'm so sorry you have woken to this nightmare. You have been so strong and decisive, and will have given your H kick in the balls he needed by removing yourself and your baby DD from his world. Stay strong, make sure you have enough money from your joint account, and try to arrange a free initial consultation with a solicitor, just to find out where you stand. If your H is an IFA you'll need all the information you can get, as quickly as you can, as he'll be savvy.
Hope your mum is looking after you and your DD.