Just had the biggest fight with DH... he hit me, I hit him...

[namechangeforthis100]

I've spent the whole of yesterday at the hospital... quite a long time after a miscarriage it turns out (joy) I've got an infection. I'm in agony. I feel shit. All my friends are pregnant.. I'm just having a very shit time.

I decided to get stuff organised.. sort of nights out etc to keep us busy and tonight we went out with about 10 of our best friends for a meal (a lot are shift workers from our hey day hence the tuesday random night)...

I have been in quite a lot of pain and on painkillers... but was without and just slowly drinking wine this evening.. The night went great and we all agreed to meet again next week.

We got in the car (DH driving) and she started to go MAD. Apparently during a conversation I had dictated when he could go out and come back (with an old friend) and I hadn't! I know the conversation he's talking about. They were taking the piss saying I would and I was laughing... but I didn't say a word. And all the home he called me vile, drunk, a bitch etc.. (with our daughter in the back of the car who we just picked up from a sitter to bring home.)

We got in, put DD to bed and it escalated. He screamed at me, I proclaimed innocence, He pushed me, I tried to kick him. We ended up having a full out physical fight.

He left. I wrenched the keys out his hand and he stepped out the door.

I locked it.
Jesus christ.

What do I do now?? I'm already in pain. (now more. Have a perfect hand bruise on my chest.)

Its very sad that this has degenerated, i have noticed across the boards that there can never be two sides to an argument, it is always ALWAYS the mans fault (yes, i know it IS the mans fault in this instance) but there is always two sides to a story, always - i think the OP put that across very well, it is a shame that she didn't receive rational advice.

I have pushed posters to Women's Aid many a time on here when they have clearly asked for help, when it has been obvious that DV is going on. But because i don't call abuse at every stop I am an abueser (i assume that was aimed at me becuause i have been violent towards my DP - yes, i was, in the throes of a nervous breakdown, im not proud of it but i am not an abuser). The fact remains the not one person on this thread can know what happened between the OP and her DH, because we wasn't there. The OP is telling us it was two sided, but he acted like a cunt for the rest of the day, maybe they have sorted it out, maybe they haven't.

I have been on mnet a long long time, and thankfully i received so much loving support when all of this was going on between my DP and I, there wasn't all of this bullshit going on . I now wouldn't dream of posting about problems we hve because i would be in fear of justifying his/my every move.

There has been some good advice on this thread, advice on what to do IF things turn out ok, advice on what to do IF sadly, it doesn't. The rest of it has been pretty vile and i admit that i have got dragged into it and am not proud of it.

Nobody giving advice is ranting as far as I can see anyway, but I have to say that when I first posted I had the raised eyebrow emoticon and FFS and some of us wonder why things descend into bickering....go figure!

yes it started in aibu - hence their being people here whose agenda is to have a fight and be right no matter what.

Ah that'll be it then Swallowed, I was a bit taken aback by the venom...

People have listened and spoken bravely with an outstretched hand....dunno who these so called 'frothers' are ...scratches head...

your use of the word 'frothers' is really offensive everlong. just to be clear who are you calling 'frothers'?

everlong you are one of the posters on here i respect greatly, and have only ever seen you give sensible and supportive advice, you have been kind to me in the past as i said before. This thread has clarified things for me, Mnet is not a good place for me to be, it is not healthy for me to get drawn into these arguments and get called an abuser because of things that have happened to me in the past.

OP i really wish you the very best and i sincerely hope you manage to sort things out between you and your DH. If not, i hope you get all the support you need. Either way, in the long one, things will be fine.

the mn frothers are a protest group aren't they, campaigning against public spending cuts?

Is it a thread in 'housekeeping' or a new form of coffee?? I'll have a skinny 'frother' please? Lord knows anyhoo as you were...

Quite a 'sensible' group to be in then MightyNice ok I'll join.

in politics I think!

sunshineandbooks

The reason being is that some people LIVE on here, and they post very directive advice. VERY directive. I have seen it. based on what? their experience and an internet thread from someone they dont know

Unlike many areas people come on here in a real state and a very vulnerable

and I am not 100% sure that this very direct feedback and advice is necessarily helpful

and time and time again I see posts from some regulars that make me wince

thats all

Just because people have experienced DV, it does NOT make them qualified advisers

Swallowed - yes, I do hope I'm right. Not because I need to win an argument with a bunch of strangers, but because I am one of the few people who has listened to the OP shen she says that she loves her husband and doesn't think he's a bad man. If she can be happy with the father of her child surely that is a good thing. I am not of the school of thought that one weekend of behaving like a nobhead makes a man an abuser. SHe clearly want to give him a chance.

Ill my ass over there Mighty!

get

NOBODY has claimed to be a qualified adviser because of their DV experience. Where have they claimed that Porc?

On here people give their opinions. Those saying don't blow this up out of all proportion are no more qualified to give that opinion than those saying leave the bastard.

I agree with you sunshine. But those people saying this is a pattern typical of all abusers...he is an an abuser...he is not sorry...you must call the police...he may abuse your child etc etc etc have no basis for saying those things as if they are fact. They are not. Nobody knows this man apart from the OP. He has done wrong but (in my opinion) that doesn't mean he is now an unfit husband or father. What a sad world if we cannot be allowed to make mistakes and be forgiven by the people who love us.

yousankmybattleship I think people just want to give the OP fair warning because in something like 95% of cases, there is never just a one-off. I hope for the OP's sake that her DH falls in that 5% that break the pattern though, I really do.

That 95% figure is based on research BTW, cited in the infamous Lundy Bancroft book (link here).

How do you know that is what happens in 95% of cases? I do feel your heart is in the right place, but how do you know how many couple have experienced a one-off phyisical fight? How many of those couples tell anyone? It is those kind of things, bandied about as if they are fact that are unhelpful.

Haha! Cross post, well I'll take your word for it because I haven't read the research.