namechange I wish I was more eloquent than I am. I wish I could show you what I've learnt!
I used to be like you. I am a good person, a strong woman with an enormous capacity to love. I also want to be loved.
In the past I found it very difficult to see clearly what was going on when my exP treated me badly. It took 15 years of mistreatment before I started to understand that I was part of the problem, in fact I was allowing this to happen to me.
Your DH has treated you very badly indeed. Is it really a one off, or indicative of something deeper? I'm strongly inclined to think it's his personality, but let's put that aside for now - just in case he is indeed a good man and this is a one-off
But actually I'm not as concerned with your partner's behaviour as with yours. I recognise it. I would have done the same with my ex. We were in love, I wanted it to work. I would be so worried when he disappeared (sometimes for days at a time). Even - perhaps especially - after an argument which had got out of hand. I understand that the first thing you wanted to say to him was "I love you, let's sort this out". I have been the same. I tried to make my ex see sense, I tried to help him and see how his behaviour was destructive to him and me (and i knew he loved me, so at the time I was sure what we had was worth fighting for).
But I was wrong to act in this way. I now see that the only correct response to someone hitting you (or doing anything which is over the line) is to end the relationship - or if you really want to give them another chance, then you have to draw a line which says this is absolutely unacceptable, do it again and it's finished. But the only way you can make this work is to genuinely be prepared to leave if it happens again, and make this clear. (And the best way to do this is to leave until they have apologised enough. But you've done the opposite.)
But you can't make your DH afraid he'll lose you if he hits you, by showing your love, begging him to come home or explaining it to him. Once you do these things you have already sent a very clear message saying you care more about staying in the relationship than you do about your own self esteem or saftey. You've already given him the green light, he's got away with it. You've shown him that he can get out of this by talking, he doesn't really need to address anything.
What worries me is that he should be begging forgiveness, and you should be taking no shit. But that's not you. (Yet).
See, even if your DH was the nicest man in the world (he's not) there's still something wrong here, and that's that you're not able to see how to stand up for yourself. And this means you are very vulnerable to being manipulated, which I fear is what is happening here.
I got away from my ex but it took years. It was years before he hit me first by the way! The first time I thought it was out of character too. I hope you don't go through what i did, but I hope you do find a way to protect yourself better. You should be outraged at this point, not trying to patch things up so soon. He should be the one squirming and begging.
My self esteem has taken a battering and even though I'm with a nice man now, I still haven't recovered from it properly.
It may take you a while to see how you are not looking after yourself properly (it took me years).
But whether you patch things up or not, could you consider going to a counselor to talk about your own self esteem perhaps?
I really hope I've made some kind of sense here.