Blimey, when I read that you were pregnant, I thought there?d been an Easter miracle for a moment 
.
Now, onto ELT (entitled little tosser - a most excellent name Fiventhree) - he really is a piece of work isn?t he? You see Cwtchy you didn?t follow the script. You didn?t let me him have his cake and eat it. First of all you took the control out of his hands by discovering and exposing his affair before he was ready to wheel out his new partner, once they?d cobbled together their web of lies plausible story of her helping him through his heartbreak and then - poof - cupid?s arrow struck them both but ... but ... the cheek of it, you outed him and then didn?t let him come home for his creature comforts. Poor ELT. So now he?s floundering around trying to figure out what to do next so all he can do now is sulk. That is the measure of the man. The whole inch of him.
Look at how you have fought him Cwtchy since he pulled your world apart. Your sword is made of intelligence, maturity, love, dignity and self-esteem. His shield is quite the opposite of that - it really is. From what I have read, he cannot boast a single one of those traits.
Based on my experience, which so many others echo, I expect that in the next few weeks, maybe sooner, your grief and sadness will start to turn to anger. I kind of feel sorry for him when that kicks in because that will be when you start to see him for what he is and you will be 10 times the force you are now. Poor bastard! The anger phase is tough because it is a double-edged sword (ooh, I?m on the weapon metaphors tonight, aren?t I?). With my anger I felt a rage that consumed me and turned me into quite the best horror writer going. Actually, had anyone seen what I was thinking I would have been arrested, I?m sure. But that rage does help you so when it starts, make sure you recognise it, let it flow and ride it.
For now I can give you more trite words based on experience. You won?t be the woman that the see in the photos because we all grow and move one and few of us can ever be the women we were and, quite frankly, why would we want to be - we need experiences, good and bad, to help us grow and evolve as individuals. You will be different but different in a good way. You will rediscover a joie de vivre, you really will. You will develop a spring in your step and a glow. People will comment on this. But the big thing that you may secretly be thinking and so scared of is that you will trust someone again. You really will. I said I would never trust another man again as long as I live and I?ve been proved wrong on that. I?m no-one's fool and I don?t have ?mug? tattooed on forehead - which for a while I did wonder - but I know, a year on from discovery that I can trust a man and that?s a big deal and a surprise. I haven't yet fallen in love but I've stood on the edge of that cliff and felt that I could just fall off into a great big pillow of swooning love. I didn't - he had flaws - so I dumped him . So at the grand old age of 46 I've learned that I can trust again, love again and dump someone (that last one's a new skill!). That's all lying ahead of you, my lovely. It wasn't in your plan or on your map, but it's not terrible, it really isn't.
The other thing that surprises me is that I can think of H and I feel sort of caring about him. I think I still love him in a way but when I look at a photo of him I see a stranger. I see a man that I don?t fancy, that I don?t want to be intimate with and I certainly don?t want to kiss him so those scales do fall away from our eyes. It takes time and I?m sure that each of us has a different rhythm whereby we reach the recovery milestones at different times and, possibly, in a different order but we do move on. I?ll say it again, but from the way you write and the things you have done, you will move on very positively, you really will.
Don?t worry about feeling too sad to post; you don?t need to post much but it?s nice for us to know you?re OK.
As for sorting out the house - don?t do it until you?re ready (sort his shit out from the house but no need to tackle the big stuff yet). If he has to live with Mum, or in a shoebox to pay his share of the mortgage while you become strong enough to tackle the shit then tough. ELT had a choice, he took the wrong turn, made a shitty bed so let him lie in it.
I would strongly recommend that you don?t let him decorate/sort out the house. For now I think it would be a disaster for you if you had him spending all that time in the house, either when you?re there or not. I imagine you would come home from work looking for signs of where he?s been and what he?s been doing and you would become slightly demented from it - I know I would. I also think for him to be home when the DCs come home from nursery/school/shopping with you, would be terribly hard and confusing for them. I remember being told about one incident with DSD1 (then aged 8). H was at what had been the martial home sorting out something on the computer for their mother. The DSDs had been away on holiday for a week with Mum and when they arrived back he opened the front door and waved at them. After he left, DSD1 was inconsolable because she thought that her Dad had come home for ever ... so do try to avoid something similar if you can.
I think it?s a good thing that you?re back at work tomorrow. I?m a believer in routine and a believer in garnering support during hard times from every corner, including work. The hardest thing is telling people but then, you?ve done nothing wrong so remember:
- it?s his loss;
- it?s his shame;
- he will regret it;
- he is an Entitled Little Tosser.
Good luck tomorrow at work. Mascara, lippy and a deep breath will see you through. Oh and I hope there's plenty of room in your office because the MN crew will be there with you, we really will x