You did make it to the end of another day and you'll be a little bit further forward too. I am always in awe at what we humans can endure, both physically and mentally.
AF is right. His dishevelled state will be down to self-pity, the fact he is not in control now and worrying about OW's reaction. That's brutal to read isn't it? But this is all so horribly brutal.
Your desire to talk to him, to counsel him and to understand him stems from the fact that you love him and care for him and the hard truth is that you will for a long time yet. Yes, you can tell yourself you?ve detached but the reality is so fucking hard, I know, I?ve been there. In your Sasha Fierce moments you will be detached but mostly you'll be heartbroken in Cwtchy moments and need to brainwash yourself to a certain extent to detach and you need to stop liking him, stop hoping and stop caring. That all takes time my lovely.
I was in that same place once and I tried to talk to my H. I was convinced that with everything out in the open all that my H needed to do was talk to me again and, hey presto, the hurt of discovery and the lies and deceit would all vanish in a puff of smoke. It didn?t. All that happened for me was more hurt and bewilderment because he had already detached.
The trouble is I did have to talk to him, I did have to find out more and I had to see his coldness for myself. As Wisey says, this is a process. It?s a fucking shit one but it?s a process and maybe you?re like me and you just need to go through those steps, no matter how hard, and see the fallout for yourself. None of us can help you with that one - it?s deeply personal to you.
I recall a point around about this time last year with H when I was, invariably, emotional and I think it?s fair to say I was pleading with him to tell me the truth. I probably seemed unhinged and I was definitely desperate but not for him to stay with me but for him to tell me the truth but do you know what he said? He told me that the more desperate I was the more pathetic I seemed and the less he wanted me. I think a lot of men interpret our desire for information, truth and facts as a desire for them, ?clinginess? I believe they call it, when it?s so often not the case.
If you can try and leave it a while before you try to talk to him I do think that would be the right thing to do but I totally understand why you feel the need to talk to him. If you can wait you might find that he opens up more and you'll stand to get the facts you need. The trouble with that is it could be a long wait ...
And good for you for fixing up arrangements for him having DD tomorrow, that must have been bloody tough.
I'll check in tomorrow. My heart goes out to you, it really does xx