Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Starting Again, Moving Forward...Onwards and Upwards ! :)

999 replies

Startingagain88 · 27/03/2012 14:33

Following all your wonderful messages of love and support since my partner of 15yrs up and left for OW, my previous thread reached the 1000 post mark and so i'm starting this new thread with a more uplifting subject title!!

Its only three weeks in since EXDP left and so i know i have a long way to go...but slowly each day I'm feeling more positive and believing that my life can be wonderful without him!

Here's the link to my old thread -

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1421736-In-shock-cant-quite-believe-it-Long-Sorry

OP posts:
Original poster
startingagain88 · 12/05/2012 01:41

No Way! :)

Since my last post he has tried to call me twice but no more, he's not outside as I have looked, he is probably at his pisshead mates house getting tanked up (oh sorry he joined AA now ...yeah right!!)

Night all ! X

OP posts:
Original poster
startingagain88 · 12/05/2012 01:43

Thank you everyone for your kind words and support tonight, i couldn't have done it without you! :) :) :)

OP posts:
izzyizin · 12/05/2012 01:50

AA? You mean Arseholes Anonymous? If only they were Grin

Well done - but be prepared to find him on your doorstep first thing... well, second thing,,, 'cos he'll need a fry-up after his skinful tonight.

Plomino · 12/05/2012 02:03

Another one saying well done !

I can't believe this fuckwit' s gall.

I'm really really proud of you, and as for the tattooed finger , I'd give him another finger (or two) if I were you !

midwife99 · 12/05/2012 06:59

I think he'll keep coming back love. Next time call the police or it'll go on & on. Change phone numbers too.

fedupofnamechanging · 12/05/2012 08:19

Good morning Starting Smile

Hope you managed to get some sleep last night.

KirstyWirsty · 12/05/2012 09:11

Hi Starting just caught up on last night's goings on.. well done you!! Hope you got some sleep xx

RoxyRobin · 12/05/2012 10:41

Hello, Starting. Hope all this hasn't disrupted your weekend plans.

Still can't get over the tattoo. As well he didn't, but you'd have thought he'd have had the nous to cover it up with a sticking plaster. If you feel your resolve buckling under his barrage of emotional blackmail, remind yourself that you'll have to see that every day - or else give him the money to get it lasered!

Speaking of tatts, he seems to think you've got an invisible one on your forehead ... saying 'mug'.

Thermalsocks · 12/05/2012 10:48

Wow Starting! Just catching up!
Well done you for standing up to him. He must have had such a shock at the new you.

Doesn't sound as if there would be too much chance of you being tempted by him, and the tasteful tattoo will be a permanent reminder of his stupidity.

Tell him you also want to be single for a while as you are having so much more fun without him.

It must all have been so unsettling for you though. Hope it hasn't set you back. Just try and revel in his misery knowing you have come out on top! xx

captainmummy · 12/05/2012 10:56

good for you starting. I must admit I thiought you might waver, with him being on the doorstep and all. I should have known you wouldn't, you're much stronger now.

HAHA to him and his tattoo, his 'hard' life now, he must really be flailing about now, wondering what to do. His 1st thought will be himself, where can I sleep, where can i get money, where can i get drink/food/sex/a shower now.

Karma. I love it!

Original poster
startingagain88 · 12/05/2012 12:30

Morning all,

Had a good nights sleep surprisingly, no more calls from him but a text this morning saying.........

'Can you give me some money please as I'm going to get out of this shithole, you can phone me anytime you need to talk to me, i will support you in every way i can, i dont want to see you in a state, i still care for you, i will help you in anyway i can, sorry for everything x'

Spoke to Big Bro last night and he said that he thinks the 'ive dumped ow' speech is probably a load of rubbish just to get himself back into the house and to try and sponge more money from me.

What do you ladies think, should i respond to his message?

OP posts:
Thermalsocks · 12/05/2012 12:42

You will have to ignore it. He is really saying nothing different from any other time -- basically I want money but I'm trying the remorse method now.
Besides he didn't "see you in a state" did he? What could he do for you?
Another few years not fixing the house?

I think something has definitely happened with OW, one of them has been dumped or at least they are constantly rowing. He claimed they were rowing and she was suspicious of you early on didn't he?

And he doesn't look happy does he?! And looks as if he is sleeping rough. Am sure she wouldn't agree to such a drastic plan as basically him moving with you. She couldn't trust him!

TimeForMeAndDD · 12/05/2012 12:43

Absolutely not! What a tosser! The first sentence in his text "can you give me some money" THEN follows an apology Hmm. And he doesn't want to see you in a state!! Shock Let him rot, he's not your problem.

oldwomaninashoe · 12/05/2012 12:44

Noooooooo........
Your only response should be to change your number. If you want nothing more to do with him, you need to send him a very strong clear message.

My guess is he wants some dosh to get over to Ireland (this would be him keeping out of your way) to woo OW back, if it prooves fruitless then he would up his charm offensive to you, he is very devious, I don't believe he can be trusted.

You are doing so well, please don't waiver, you wouldn't forgive yourself

fedupofnamechanging · 12/05/2012 13:10

I also think you should ignore him. He didn't give a toss about you when he was off shagging OW. Think he is just trying to worm his way back into your bank account Sad

izzyizin · 12/05/2012 13:28

It's just another of the many variations on a theme he's going to be playing on the violin - if you let him.

I suggest you respond along the lines of 'I don't need any help from you and you won't be getting any from me. If you keep harassing me I'll call the police'' and thereafter ignore any texts/calls from him.

If he turns up on your doorstep again, don't give him any warning - just call the police and let them warn him off.

Give this man an inch and he'll take considerably more than a mile. He needs to get the message that it's over and the only way to get it across to the likes of him is the hard way.

He made his choice. Too bad he made the wrong one but now he's got to live with her it and the sooner he gets used to it, the better it will be for you.

RachyRach30 · 12/05/2012 13:38

Oh so he's trying to worm his way back in. What a idiot.

He's caused you so much hurt and pain. Do not give in to him. He didn't care all those weeks when you have been sat there in tears and felt like shit whilst he carried on his rendezvous, whilst still trying to fleece you for every penny. Not only this he showed no thought, he knew you had no family around and friends.

Revenge is sweet, we knew it would come to this and it has.i hope your feeling happier now and looking forward to the future.

That texts shows he just wants money and wants you to provide it. He doesn't give a toss. I wouldn't be surprised if he's getting Nasty because the ow realised he has no money and looks a crap prospect so he is trying to bully you into giving him some so he can go back to her and say look I have some now I'm not such a loser and lazy arse.

I'd be tempted to text back saying I've told you once, I've told you twice now this is the last time I'm telling you, Your not getting a penny from me. It's my house, my money. Your a lazy scrounger who did nothing In our relationship but bleed me dry. You've no rights to anything... If you want to fight me then I'll see you in court. I don't want you back EVER! Couple of smiley faces to finish it off. Do they have a v sign one?

izzyizin · 12/05/2012 13:44

He's trying to engage you in 'conversation' in the hope that you'll open your front door and let him in when he turns up again - which he will do sooner rather than later.

If you send any message to him, keep it brief and give him no cause to think that you may be wanting or expecting a reply.

Xales · 12/05/2012 13:59

He is still trying to get money out of you every way he can. He didn't help you when you needed it and he was in a strong, happy position. He is only contacting you because he wants something.

He wants money. He does not want you.

You are nothing more than a cold mechanical ATM with a 4 digit code to get it. He will push the buttons he thinks are your pin number until you hand it over. He has had more than his 3 attempts and you have now taken his card,told him to contact his bank and moved on to the next in the queue. You have nothing left to say to him or do for him.

Don't respond. Don't engage.

cenicienta · 12/05/2012 14:18

you can phone me anytime you need to talk to me, i will support you in every way i can, i dont want to see you in a state, i still care for you, i will help you in anyway i can, sorry for everything x'

From what you told us you were far from being in a state! And he probably realised this. He thought you would take him back with open arms, what a shock for him to see that not only did you not, but that you are also not "in a state"

I agree a short text saying what izzy said then change your number!

Starting why haven't you changed your number yet? Please, bite the bullet and do it today!

PooPooInMyToes · 12/05/2012 14:59

Sounds like he's the one in a state!

midwife99 · 12/05/2012 15:05

He's the one in the state & wants to bleed you dry support you?? LMAO!!! Please oh please change your numbers!

Sallyingforth · 12/05/2012 15:20

I disagree about changing your numbers. It will be a nuisance for you and everyone else who might call you, and he's caused you way too much trouble already. Just ignore his calls and he will have to give up.

PooPooInMyToes · 12/05/2012 19:06

I agree with sally.

JaxTellerIsMyFriend · 12/05/2012 20:46

give him nothing. not a penny, not an ounce of consideration. He deserves absolutely nothing!

You have been strong, just ignore his texts/calls. If you find that you cant do that, then do change your number.

well done on staying strong, you need to make your position clear - although you already have, but 100% you dont want him, or anything to do with him now.

I also think he is spinning you a line re the OW. And the drinking. sorry.

Swipe left for the next trending thread