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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Starting Again, Moving Forward...Onwards and Upwards ! :)

999 replies

Startingagain88 · 27/03/2012 14:33

Following all your wonderful messages of love and support since my partner of 15yrs up and left for OW, my previous thread reached the 1000 post mark and so i'm starting this new thread with a more uplifting subject title!!

Its only three weeks in since EXDP left and so i know i have a long way to go...but slowly each day I'm feeling more positive and believing that my life can be wonderful without him!

Here's the link to my old thread -

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1421736-In-shock-cant-quite-believe-it-Long-Sorry

OP posts:
Tamdin · 11/05/2012 20:17

Starting I have never posted but have read every both your threads in full. All I can say is you're an inspiration! You should feel extremely proud of yourself for handling tonight so well and leaving you will be the biggest mistake of HIS life.
YOUR life will be full of love peace and happiness. Well done :)

fedupofnamechanging · 11/05/2012 20:19

Well done, lovely. It's really good that you told him he is getting nothing from you and is entitled to jack shit.

Please change your number - it would honestly be so much better for you not to get his updates via text. You've said your piece, regarding his lack of entitlement to anything you own and you don't need to hear anything else he's got to say.

Helltotheno · 11/05/2012 20:20

he then said whether i could give him some money to buy him out

Buy him out?!?! Of what exactly? What a twunt...

Well done OP not to fall for that transparent BS. You should treat yourself to a well-deserved Wine after that but not too much or your steely resolve might weaken!

Slambang · 11/05/2012 20:22

Wow. Just WOW.

Four4me · 11/05/2012 20:38

starting you are an amazing woman. He thought he could wander back into your life and home when he fancied. What a silly silly man.

Hope you are feeling ok?

PooPooInMyToes · 11/05/2012 21:01

You've come so far! Look how strong you are! Smile

PooPooInMyToes · 11/05/2012 21:02

That sounded patronising, sorry about that!

RoxyRobin · 11/05/2012 21:07

Good for you. He really thought he could just come back and make use of you like that, didn't he? He has no respect.

And the way he held out the possibility of you getting back together as an inducement for you to comply with his wishes ... well, I thought nothing he could do would shock me, but that did!

From what you say, he doesn't look a very tempting prospect, does he? He wants to be single? Well, it seems likely he'll get his way! (Form an orderly queue, there, girls!)

startingagain88 · 11/05/2012 21:49

Thank you so much everyone, it took every ounce of my strength to face him, but i did it! He tried every trick in the book, anger, tears, trying to get my sympathy saying he will start drinking again (he hasn't stopped- Liar), his business will fold and then lastly dangled the carrot that we could maybe get back together..... knob.

Since my last update he has texted ' i am sleeping outside ' (the house i presume) and ' can i have a shower please' what an absolute knob!!

I think that maybe he wants to get into the house so it will be more difficult to get him out IYKWIM.

OP posts:
Xales · 11/05/2012 22:00

He going for the pitiful woe is me please dig into your maternal caring part and feel sorry for me phase.

Must have been one heck of a shock to him that pathetic fall back option Starting kicked him to the kerb! He is so used to you rolling over he isn't going to give up that easy!

Can you see outside to see if he is there? That would really creep me out. I don't know what the police would say about him staying there.

RoxyRobin · 11/05/2012 22:02

What a knob indeed! He still thinks he can arouse your sympathy when all he's doing is arousing contempt.

I suppose you will feel a bit uncomfortable with him outside, but if he tries anything you know you've got the police primed.

What a day it's been for you! Hope you can have a reasonable night's rest in spite of it all xx

fedupofnamechanging · 11/05/2012 22:05

If he's outside then I'd call the police - it's harassment, surely. They might be prepared to have a word and get him moved on. Either way, it would send him a clear message that you are not wavering.

TimeForMeAndDD · 11/05/2012 22:07

Tell him you have organised him a room for the night. The police will be along to collect him any time soon.

He is quite something this one!

Ponders · 11/05/2012 22:13

starting, I'm another delurker - have been following your progress for weeks & am lost in admiration for how you've dealt with all this Wine

tell him to get down to the local baths if he needs a shower!

(& change your number!!!)

BoreOfWhabylon · 11/05/2012 22:19

And here comes another delurker!

Starting, I don't usually post but I have been following your threads and cheering you on from the sidelines. You are an inspiration.

This unsavoury leech is harassing you - get the police to move him on and take collaborate's advice and slap that injunction on him. Don't let him hang around your neck like an albatross (or maybe an ancient mariner)

You are building your new life and it is going to be wonderful!

midwife99 · 11/05/2012 22:27

Call the local police on 101 & report him for harassment & that he is still outside your house texting you. Do it now love or he'll be there in the morning. Plus you won't sleep if he's there. Please do it now!!!

izzyizin · 11/05/2012 22:53

Did he find her 'hard to live with' before or after he got the tramp's name tattooed tramp stamped on his wedding finger?

What a shit 5* break that must have been for the other guests Hmm

It's all lies, honey. She's as bigger lush as he is, they've had a drink fuelled argument, and he'll be back with her next week.

In the meantime, he thought he'd crash at your place and worm some dosh out of you with a view to turning up on her doorstep bearing gifts.

Time to deliver the coup de grace. Call the police on the non-emergency number and refer to your earlier conversation, say you managed to prevent him coming into your house but that he's texted to say he's parked outside in his van (give the reg no.of the vehicle) and isn't going anywhere.

Say that you're fearful that he might attempt to enter your home later tonight after you've gone to bed, and would they please come round to move him on and tell him not bother you again with texts/phone calls/visits.

If you don't you may find that, if she has genuinely gone to Ireland for a few days and not left her keys with him (sensibe woman), tonight's scenario will repeat itself and ruin your weeked.

Given that already he's ruined more than a few weeks of your life, enough is enough don't you think?

And aren't you glad you changed your locks! Well done you.

midwife99 · 11/05/2012 22:54

And change your mobile & landline numbers. You've changed the locks already I think? Oh the tattoo - laughed or what - I nearly peed my pants! Grin

izzyizin · 11/05/2012 22:57

If he's got her name tattooed on his wedding ring finger, I wonder what he's got on his dick? Grin

midwife99 · 11/05/2012 22:59

crusty the clown the cock lodger can explain to the local bobbies why he's lurking outside can't he?! Wink

midwife99 · 11/05/2012 23:02

Sorry don't know how to strike out text!! Blush

Ponders · 11/05/2012 23:03

just put -- either side of what you want to strike out, midwife Smile

PooPooInMyToes · 11/05/2012 23:17

Is he still there?

cenicienta · 11/05/2012 23:20

I think he's basically a weak person. If you call the police now that should be enough to show him you're not going to fall for his act. Otherwise he'll just keep coming back to harass you.

Can't believe the tattoo. He really does have serious ishoos (I have a tatoo btw so not against them as such, just this particular one is, well, hmmm :)

izzyizin · 12/05/2012 00:47

I do so hope you haven't taken pity on him...

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