Starting Again, Moving Forward...Onwards and Upwards ! :)

[Startingagain88]

Following all your wonderful messages of love and support since my partner of 15yrs up and left for OW, my previous thread reached the 1000 post mark and so i'm starting this new thread with a more uplifting subject title!!

Its only three weeks in since EXDP left and so i know i have a long way to go...but slowly each day I'm feeling more positive and believing that my life can be wonderful without him!

Here's the link to my old thread -

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1421736-In-shock-cant-quite-believe-it-Long-Sorry

Make sure all the doors/garage/back gate and windows are secure.

Call the police on the non emergency number and warn them that your estranged ex who has not right to the property may be attempting to threaten/bully his way in tonight and you are worried.

Generally I say don't text back it is engaging. However in this case I think simply text him back saying No.

If he replies do not respond.

If he turns up DO NOT open the door. Not even to talk to him.

If he turns up tell him through the door you will not hesitate to call them to have him removed for trespassing on your property plus for all his harassment (photos of you out/nasty texts etc).

If he raises his voice call the police and ask for him to be removed.

Have you got any friends who can come around?

Please please do not even open the door to him. Once he has a foot inside you will never ever get him out without a massive fight.

Don't waiver now you have come so far. Not for us but for yourself.

Text him to say:

It is my house. You have no right to enter it. If you harass me I will phone the police.

If he comes round do not open the door to him, or engage with him in any way. If he does not go away, call the police, as you would if anyone was harassing you. Don't be afraid or embarassed - tell the police that he is your ex-partner who left you two months ago and that you own the property.

Yes I agree call the local police on 101 to warn them you might need them tonight. Give them his details & description plus his vehicle reg & tell them he has been harassing you & has sent texts saying he is going to try to enter the property tonight unlawfully.

Stay strong and resolute, Starting - let him go and try these tactics on OW.

If you do feel you are feeling sympathetic please remember.

He told you if they split up he was not coming back to you. He is coming back for a roof over his head not because he has seen the light and realises you are the one but because the OW has kicked him out.

He told you to put up and shut up. You and him were over. Your (joint) debts were your problem and he owed you nothing. Despite taking £200 off you a week after moving out and trying to get another £2k out of you now.

This time last week he and OW were packing their over night bags with their sexy underwear and getting in the car to a swanky posh hotel for a dirty romantic weekend. No thought of you.

He couldn't even look after your dog for you. It was not his problem it was yours.

There is so much more I could post just from memory not even from reading back over your 2 posts and all the really shit things this man has done.

Please please don't waiver!

He is really trying his luck isnt he..clearly the OW has thrown him out

let him sleep in his fucking van that YOU paid for!

Hope you are ok starting, you must be really worried right now X

I know it'll be hard for you, Starting, and you'll have to call upon all your reserves to cope with this, but please, please don't let him force his way back in - literally or metaphorically.

Delurking.

Phone 101 police as suggested, for advice. Tell them he may have been drinking.

Lock up.

Read through this and your last thread to remind you of all the pain and distress this man has put you through.

Can you ring you brother?

Hope you are ok? X

OK, i have contacted the police and they have taken my details and some history behind all of this, they were really kind and helpful.

They told me basically what you guys have said that he has absolutely no right to come into my property and that if he attempts to i should call them and they will send someone round to arrest him if necessary.

I also spoke to collaborate on the phone who has advised the same and that if necessary i could take out an injunction on him. I don't think it will come to that, i think that since it has all gone wrong with the OW he is shitting himself and just wants to come back to what he knows!

I texted him' You cannot come here, you left me to be with OW, as you said you have a new life and i am trying to rebuild mine' since that he has called my mobile three times and the house once.

Cant get hold of Big Bro..... ill keep trying!!, I am going to be my own gatekeeper here, as i said yesterday he is not setting foot in my house.

In a way it gives me great satisfaction that this big 'love affair' has fizzled out and he has to come crawling back to me for money and somewhere to go...its pathetic, he is pathetic, I hope he patches it up with the OW they deserve each other.

Thank you all for your advice, you have rallied round once again- love you guys!!

Everything is locked up, Bully is on high alert and Ill keep trying Big Bro!!

Ill keep you all posted.....xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Please do Starting, I keep coming back to see how you are..pleased you are sounding strong!

All his chickens are now coming to roost..hope he enjoys the van LOL

Stay Strong Starting - it is going to be hard,him on your doorstep crying and wheedling and even possibly trying to hug you. He will stop at nothing to look after himself. Don't open the door.

As I said, he's made his bed. If OW's chucked him out of it, HIS problem.

Phone the police if he tries anything, please.

Let us know you're ok. I wish I was nearer. I'd come round & camp out at the gate to see him off - the cock lodger!!

If you are within an hour of Farnborough Hampshire PM me and I will come sit with you!

I think she's in Whitstable

Get a friend/relative round. Don't engage with him but be prepared not to let him in and to call the police if he pushes his luck.

Just get someone there with you for some moral support.

Sorry, missed a page!

Stay strong, and use your confidence that it has most definitely gone to shit with the OW to your advantage. It should give you strength. Don't feel sorry for him or listen to him when he inevitably says he wants to come back. He needs to try harder than that.

Good luck for tonight.

I'm so glad you're coping with the situation - well done xx

Cheeky fucker!

Hi Starting.

Can't believe his outrageous behaviour. That 'man' really does have no scruples whatsoever. It's good that you have spoken to the police though - they will have a record of all this now, should you need to take further steps against him. I hope it isn't necessary.

Come and talk to us - we will keep you company x

Well that was hard, he texted to say he was outside, he came to the gate and tried to let himself in, i told him he couldn't come in but he persisted in trying, threatening to climb over the fence, he said he wanted to talk to me, and couldn't do it through the fence.

So I opened the gate stepped outside and spoke to him in the street.....same old story looks like shit, greasy hair beard the lot.....says he has been sleeping at friends places the last few days, the most awful thing is that he has got a tattoo of her name on his wedding finger!! (We always hated tattoos) I asked him whether they had got married he said no...he said he was drunk when he got the tattoo done, christ it looks so chavvy and awful :)

He said they had rowed and she had gone back to Ireland, and that they are over, he said he didn't know her real personality and found her hard to live with, he said he has given up drinking and is going to AA (liar) one of the mates he has been staying with is and serious drinker and has been to AA in the past so i bet that's where he got that from!!

He begged me to let him stay at the house on the sofa or even in the garage, i said no, he said maybe he could stay for a few weeks ' and you never know what might happen' ie we could get back together.....although he says he wants to be 'single' at the moment what a tosser!!He thinks im going to fall for that.........

He said he made a mistake, and that he never should have left, it was lust not love and that he missed and thought of me a lot............bullshit!!

He said that he is entitled to half of the house, i said no you're not and i will fight you tooth and nail through the courts if i have to, he looked shocked at that, he then said whether i could give him some money to buy him out, again i said no you're not entitled to anything, you've had enough.....

He got into his van and drove away..... then texted me to say that he will be sleeping in his van tonight.

I don't know whether what he has said is truth or lies, but i really don't care, i don't want him back anyway :)

Wow starting. Well done. He really thought he had you on a string didn't he.

OMG Starting you are amazing!!! Seriously amazing.

To be honest so is mumsnet how many predicted this and almost gave you what would happen word for word. It must really have helped when talking to him to have known in the back of your head what his next line was going to be!!!

Be prepared for a bit of a downward dip won't you.

Massive hugs

Brilliant, well done for staying strong.

Can't laugh enough at the tattoo.