Starting Again, Moving Forward...Onwards and Upwards ! :)

[Startingagain88]

Following all your wonderful messages of love and support since my partner of 15yrs up and left for OW, my previous thread reached the 1000 post mark and so i'm starting this new thread with a more uplifting subject title!!

Its only three weeks in since EXDP left and so i know i have a long way to go...but slowly each day I'm feeling more positive and believing that my life can be wonderful without him!

Here's the link to my old thread -

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1421736-In-shock-cant-quite-believe-it-Long-Sorry

I really hope he hasn't turned up. and if he did I hope Bull bit his balls off

bully

OMG what a bloody nerve he has

Good to read your are getting angry with him starting

I was like reading the latest from him..I hope he is sleeping in his van and is cold and damp..maybe the weather being cr@p has an upside here!

I suppose if he's asking for money (as a loan) then he's given up on the idea that he is entitled to money from you?

You can use that; tell your solicitor - if he does turn round and start demanding his ' share' - that he wanted a loan, so obv does not think he is due anything from you.

Ohhh good captain. I never thought of it like that

Collaborate on the legal thread already established he's entitled to SFA so whether he asked for a loan or not is all by the by - he's still not entitled to anything!

How are things today Starting?

Morning!,

Didn't respond to his texts and didn't hear anymore from him yesterday and not yet today.....

I think he and OW probably did have a row and he left/she threw him out, but they have either made it up or he is staying at friends, saw his car yesterday parked outside a house of a guy we both used to know, it was pretty much there all day.

I agree that even though i don't want him back, this has set me back a bit, had a bit of a cry last night looking through some old photos.

Still cant quite believe what a tosser he has become, it makes me think i didn't know him at all, how can he just see me as an ATM? we were together for 15 years.

There is no going back from this.

Hi Starting,
just catching up on your thread & just wanted to say how well you are doing.

What a complete aresehole that he is involving you in his break up (or not) with OW.

You are being very strong. Very good for doing the voluntary work (this definitely helped me & has gained me some good new friends). It looks like you are being very focused on your needs and your wellbeing and at this stage that is very much necessary. Eat as healthily as you can (but treat yourself as well) and just keep plodding on. Try not to dwell on the past too much. I assure you slowly,slowly it will get better. I firmly believe you have the right attitude.

You need to believe he is a tosser .. & quite frankly he can toss off into the distance because you will move onwards & upwards

Well done starting - I'm so glad you're not tempted to take him back or give him money

You are definitely doing the right thing by not replying to any of his messages. The more responses he gets, the more likely it is that he'll think he has a way in- to get attention, money, all of that. If there's no reply then hopefully he'll think that it's a dead end trying to squeeze cash out of you. Give him nothing to engage with.

Well done Starting for not responding.

I think he might be just getting the message and realising what he has thrown away.
It is bound to make you feel sad and confused but at least you don't now need to fight that image of him and OW together in an idyllic honeymoon glow!
Even if he has gone back I think the end is in sight. This wasn't the first rough patch they have had and she sounds so delightful!
If car/van (has he got both?) was at his mates he obviously had no work either.

Keep strong xx

I'm sorry to hear that, Starting. It's to be expected that those texts would upset and unsettle you so that you'd end up crying.

Why can't these men recognize that when they've hurt someone so deeply the decent thing is to stay out of their lives and allow them to recover instead of seeking to re-open the wounds?

He is a weak and selfish man.

Cheeky fucker!

I can't stop thinking about this... he treats you appallingly, threatens to take your home away from you, tells you he would never take you back, even if things didn't work out with OW, tells you after 15 years he just doesn't love you, sends (or allows OW to send) abusive texts calling you "fat", has left you in a situation where you are so traumatised by his behaviour that you need to take ADs to be able to get through the day, then comes back to ask you for a "loan"!

He really has no respect for you does he?

I have just read all 29 pages of this thread and I am LIVID on your behalf!

How DARE he do that? How Dare he send those texts, and now ask you for money.

He is an absolute, utter twunt of the highest order.

I am so pleased that you are stronger - get out and about, meet new people, volunteer again and LIVE your LIFE! Dont contact EX and dont reply to any texts/calls.

He is really not worth your tears any longer.

Stay strong.

Thinking of you.

Starting,
Well done for not responding to his texts. However knowing he's homeless, desperate and a shameless money-grubber I think you need to prepare yourself for a personal visit.

I wouldn't be at all surprised if he just rolled up at your door, looking like a dishevelled lost puppy, imploring you to invite him in for a cup of tea and a chat, just as a 'friend'. Once he's got his foot in the door he can apply emotional blackmail and call on any residual affection you have for him and beg you to bail him out. Or allow him to carry out repairs on your home for some cash. Or just sleep in the spare room 'for a few days'. Or accept that he's made a terrible terrible mistake and if you'd only forgive him......

I don't think you ought to worry needlessly but you may want time to buy a giant spud gun or flame thrower - mentally prepare a response to this scenario.

Utter twunt!!!!

You okay, starting?

Hope you're ok and that you have a restful night.

Don't let him undermine your progress. I think the hate waves from all corners of the land are focussing on him with particular intensity right now!

Thank you all for your overwhelming support :) :) , Roxy, hopefully he can feel the hates waves from all of all you!

He HAS treated me appallingly and instead of crawling under a stone with the OW and getting on with his new 'relationship' as any decent human being would do, he cant help himself, he has to try and come back for more, more drama, more money.

I think the AD's are really kicking in now, i can see things more clearly, what he has done, how cruel and manipulative he has and continues to be, what a leech he has been on me financially and emotionally.

He is not getting any more money from me, and is not setting foot in my house again, he is the OWs problem now. I think he will try and go for a share in the house, but i will fight him tooth and nail to defend what i have worked so hard to get, the robbery needs to stop, enough is enough!

Went to lunch today with a lovely single woman who I met via volunteering (which i did again yesterday), so now i have two friends!!,....she loves to sail and we are going to her sailing club next week, she is taking me out on her boat with some of her sailing friends (apparently there are lots of single 'eligible' men at the club, there is a shortage of women there so you never know! :) )

oh my GOSH look at her go!!!!

starting! you are a revelation! I am in AWE

of your resolve and clear thinking. Dear dear me, what a joy to read your post. By jove, I do think you're going to have a fabulous life! [shines with respect]

Sorry, forgot to mention that he hasn't been in contact since the 2k text!, probably he and OW have made it up, but tbh i getting to the point where i really don't care who he is with or what he is doing :)

Oh thank you springy!xxxxxxxx

I wouldn't have got to how i am feeling now, without the help of all the wonderful ladies who have taken the time to hold my hand through this horrible experience.

I know i still have a long,long way to go, but i really do feel like i am turning a corner and feeling much more positive :)

maybe, but you did it girl, you're the one at the rock face climbing up that vile mountain. Pretty far up it, I'd say

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx