Starting Again, Moving Forward...Onwards and Upwards ! :)

[Startingagain88]

Following all your wonderful messages of love and support since my partner of 15yrs up and left for OW, my previous thread reached the 1000 post mark and so i'm starting this new thread with a more uplifting subject title!!

Its only three weeks in since EXDP left and so i know i have a long way to go...but slowly each day I'm feeling more positive and believing that my life can be wonderful without him!

Here's the link to my old thread -

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1421736-In-shock-cant-quite-believe-it-Long-Sorry

South, i love cycling and do try to do it at least twice a week.... haven't for a while though!! The radio thing is a good, idea i hate the silence!!

Oldwoman, Ive taken quite a few pictures of the house in its current state (which is a s**thole!) and have had two estate agents round to get valuations.

Im waiting to hear back from a job which i went to an interview for, the guy left a message saying that they haven't yet completed the interviews- should hear end of the week.

TBH i'm not really sure that im in the right frame of mind to return to my old type of work as it can be quite pressured....... i did think about getting a more 'easy' job locally thats something i might have to look into......as my low mood at the moment doesnt seem to be going away :( im worried that i have lost all confidence now!

Morning Starting
I don't know much about ADs but I do know they take a while to kick in. If you do a search on the Mental Health threads there is loads on Citalopram.

If I am going through a bad patch I always feel dreadful in the mornings but much better in the evenings. Like SL I wake up to the radio and have one on in every room but I like to hear talking so have R4 or 5 on then I can argue back to them (sad I know!)

I would also endorse exercise for making you feel better. I know you take Bully out but do look into classes locally -- zumba or pilates or something then you are surrounded by people and can be a laugh.

I doubt you need to lose any weight as you haven't eaten properly for weeks but it can only do you good.

That's great to be going out tonight.

How did you get on with the other quotes you got for the house. That would make you feel no end better to get that done.

Well at least the sun is shining here today and I think it is your way too.

Cross posted there.
I had been thinking that it might be a bit much at the moment to take on a high powered job possibly with a lot of travelling.

Don't know what the job situation is like your way but a lower pressure job might be better for a while.
Voluntary is good but you can't keep living off your savings.

Trouble with cycling or walking the dog is that you are on your own unless you join a cycling club.
In a couple of weeks the Ads should be working properly and you'll probably feel different again.

But if they want you, then I'd be honest about feeling nervous and go for it. Sometimes getting back into the swing of things is exactly what you need to rebuild confidence.

I've been trying to post for a few days (keeps going offline) some advice re ADs - take them in the morning and they'll have less chance of affecting your sleep. A friend of mine is in the same position as you re waiting for ADs to kick in and he is taking Kalms to take the edge of things. I can vouch for Kalms, very good. Check with your GP that they're ok to take with ADs though but I should think it's fine.

Heartily go along with keeping the radio on, makes you feel part of the world. I live on my own too. You get to the point where you enjoy the silence, but I should imagine that's a way off for you starting. You'll get there though!

If you can the voluntary work going, that should get you back into the swing of things. ime it happens quite quickly but let it come, don't push yourself xx

I agree about taking the citalopram in the morning & also that exercise esp in a group is great for lifting mood. I do body pump, body balance, zumba & spin which are all group classes. We have such a laugh & I have made loads of local female friends of all ages & walks of life from early 20s to 70!!! People I would never have met otherwise. It's so hard to get motivated when you're depressed but if you could go to zumba I think you'd enjoy it & get more motivated to do other things.

Hi starting

Been lurking on your thread, posted early on. Have nothing new to add, but did want to reiterate taking your ad's in the morning. I have taken them twice - both times after long-term relationships ended. After the initial couple of weeks you will feels much better.

I took them for six months each time and it they really helped. I found it really easy to stop taking them after I felt better. I preferred prozac to citalopram - see how you get on...

Also just wanted to add my two penneth re zumba. It's such good fun, see if you can find a local class - you basically get to have a good dance around with a load of people to fun music. No dancing skills required I always leave with a smile on my face.

Anyway, keep doing what you're doing. You'll get there eventually.

Best wishes x

Just a quick post of support. ride the feelings and accept them, but do not act on them except to seek reassurance from sol, trusted friends inc MN, and trusted family. I have just been through a downswing, but am now on the up. It's all part of the process.

Also, another vote for ADs in the am.

Thermal, I definitely still need to lose some weight!!, every little counts!!! Pinkwellies DP is here at the moment, looking at the leak...he is a nice guy....he is going to start some plastering next week and finish of the staircase landing from the loft........that should make me feel better...then when i get back to work, i can think about the en suite etc!!

Mummytime, If i get a yes from the job im waiting to hear on, i would definitely take it!, the money is very good!!...... fingers crossed :)

Springydaffs, missed you!, ill try taking the ads in the morning.....should i take on tonight and again in the morning or miss tonight's one out IYKWIM! Going to see about the voluntary work tomorrow!!

Midwife...thats sounds exhausting!! I was thinking about going to a slimming club (i'd bet everyone at the moment as im not eating!!) Zumba sounds like fun!

Thank you Shoegal, i really hope i will get there sooner rather than later!!

Pink, thanks for your support, had a really low period last week, woke up a bit flat this morning.... but cleaned the bathroom, dusted and mopped the floor in the living room, mowed the grass in the front garden, swept the drive, hung out the washing, brought in the washing......... been determined to keep myself busy today!!!

Slimming clubs don't work - otherwise why do they offer a lifetime membership??!! Lol I was suggesting Zumba as a fun social thing not for weightloss particularly. It is a larf - everyone gets it wrong & ends up hooting with laughter - a tonic if ever there was one.

Hi Starting, just unlurking to answer your AD question. Take a dose this evening AND a morning dose tomorrow. You won't have any problems with this and it is definitely better to be taking them in the morning. (I am a GP.)

Pinkwellies DP is here at the moment, looking at the leak...he is a nice guy....he is going to start some plastering next week and finish of the staircase landing from the loft........ See what a real builder sort of a person can do and how fast!!!! Your ex may have some money in for jobs now but without the decent back room support that will soon run dry.

What colours are you painting in?

Plus if you need help. You are welcome to use any excess energy to come do cleaned the bathroom, dusted and mopped the floor in the living room, mowed the grass in the front garden, swept the drive, hung out the washing, brought in the washing for me!

I will provide cake and coffee

One thing about ADs though - when the time comes, it's really important to grade them down slowly when you come off. I think I may have posted that already but it bears repeating! many people feel so good (themselves again) on ADs that they think they don't need them anymore and stop abruptly: disaster! Please make sure that when the time comes - and it will - you come off slowly.

slightly besides the point but I'm on a mission with this. GPs etc don't tend to flag this up and therefore I'm on a one-woman crusade

shoppingstar, can i ask if Kalms are ok with ADs? You may not be able to answer but I have to ask!

It's amazing how good a sustained bout of housework makes you feel :-) I love it when the house is lovely and tidy and I can sit and enjoy a glass of
I second springydaffs re weaning yourself off ads. Have you got any plans for tomorrow starting?

Xales, lol happy to..... something to keep me busy!!

Springy, seem to be feeling worse today, and hot and sweaty is that normal on ad's????

Shoegal, haven't got any concrete plans for today, back garden needs mowing and wanted to tackle some finances stuff...........but.......

Had a lovely evening with pinkwellies last night....didnt want to come home :( when i have been out, even just to the shops etc i find it very hard to come back to an empty house....i dread it.......feeling low this morning....hopefully will pick up later. Im really fed up of feeling sorry for myself!!

I second the idea of Zumba - anything really to get you out of the house of an evening and meeting people. Try the gym, local pub-quiz nights, church, even WI !!

Cycling clubs.

Evening classes in Spanish/car maintenance/jewellery making?

Feeling very very low this afternoon, non stop crying im afraid....want this all to stop now...fed up with feeling shit all the time :(

Oh love I wish there was sthg I could say to help you feel better

Oh dear. That's awful. Hope the crying allows some of those horrible feelings to flow out of you along with the tears.

I suppose you just have to cling on and ride it out for a couple of weeks, when - according to everyone on here who has experience of the things - the ADs will stop you feeling so desperately unhappy.

The bastard; I could drive down to Whitstable myself and home in on him like a shit-seeking missile just to slap his face for him.

midwife99 so do i!

the ups and downs of this are overwhelming, i feel like ive had enough today :(

roxy, i'm trying to hang on, but its very hard atm, feel like i havent got the strength

I don't know if this will help or make you feel worse. When I was going through sthg v similar (but with a newborn baby too) it helped me to focus on people who were much worse off than me. Like you I had my own home, the ability to earn my own living & my health. I also felt very depressed & went on ADs but I tried really hard to feel grateful for what I had & that I wasn't in the same position as women in other parts of the world such as war zones or the 3rd world. It sounds trite & pious but the change in attitude helped me through a bad time. I still howled with anger & grief at times but felt much more grateful for what I had which it turned out was quite a lot.

I know ... but you must. When you're as low as you are it can seem that you'll never start feeling better. It's bleak and it's grim and it's miserable. It doesn't matter what everyone else tells you about their similar experiences - you still feel that you are the one who won't overcome this despair and get over whatever serious setback life has decided to inflict on you.

However, you must keep putting one foot in front of another - that is the only thing you can do. Don't lose hope.

midwife99 - that's just the sort of thing my mum used to say to me! I used to think *&#!! but I realised she was right. I trot this out myself now .

I know Roxy - I was afraid to post it because it's just so bloody mummsy & cliche but it did work for me.