Starting Again, Moving Forward...Onwards and Upwards ! :)

[Startingagain88]

Following all your wonderful messages of love and support since my partner of 15yrs up and left for OW, my previous thread reached the 1000 post mark and so i'm starting this new thread with a more uplifting subject title!!

Its only three weeks in since EXDP left and so i know i have a long way to go...but slowly each day I'm feeling more positive and believing that my life can be wonderful without him!

Here's the link to my old thread -

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1421736-In-shock-cant-quite-believe-it-Long-Sorry

More bloody awful weather! Hope you had a better night, but I don't suppose gales howling round the house would help.

There won't be many people out and about enjoying themselves today! After your canine chum has dragged you round the neighbourhood, I should hunker down in the cosiness of home - it's what most of us will be doing xx

Hi All,

Went out for a coffee yesterday, got back into the car and had a cry....got some chips came home, popped to the bathroom and the roof is leaking again! ex was supposed to have fixed that weeks ago, i think its coming through one of the windows in the unfinished loft conversion, i didn't panic was very tempted to phone ex to see if he could get someone round...........but instead phoned pinkwelllies (whos new fella is a builder)......he coming round tomorrow to fix the leak and to give me an idea on price to finish the loft!

I stuck a bucket under the leak and let it drip, the wind and rain was unbelievable here last night, but i braved it out, the wind has calmed down today so no driving rain and so no more water coming in at the moment!

The dog got the chips!!, but i watched a couple of dvd's when the gale was blowing and had some crisps,chocolate and a couple of JD's and coke...went to bed at 1.30- woke at 6.30 checked the leak then went back to bed until 11.00!!

Weather is still miserable today so am on the sofa with dog watching corrie, not a bit fan of sinitta at the moment!! :)

Hi Starting. Well done for not ringing the ex.

Weather is dreadful here too (Wales). My son is playing Lord of the Rings on Playstation (yawn) - I envy you the access to your own television!

I have to brave the wind and rain and go to Iceland for packed lunch stuff in a minute (see how glamorous my life is). I quite fancy sitting on the sofa and watching Corrie. Enjoy

Over the last few days i've been feeling pretty flat and empty, i do still have peaks and dips, but not as many as before.........the mornings are worst for me...i wake up and the house is empty and quiet, on a Sunday ex would always cook a huge fry up, and we used to chat for hours about our plans for the house business etc just general chitchat........i really do miss that.

Am glad to hear that things are evening out for you a bit - you are bound to feel the loss of the nice things from the past. You will have nice things again, in the future x

Karma, thank you!

I know, the motogp is on later and if ex was here i would be relegated to the bedroom or office .....

Make sure you wrap up i think you might have the weather now which we had yesterday, it was bloody awful!

Your ex talked a lot, but he didn't actually do much. Next time, you could meet someone who actually finishes his plans (I know it's early days, but you sound lovely and a new man would be lucky to have you)

I'm the eternal optimist when it comes to weather (I don't know why - I live in Wales fgs. You'd think I'd have learnt by now that it rains a lot). Anyway, because of this relentless optimism stupidity, I don't own any coats with hoods and hardly any warm clothes!

I miss the togetherness most, having someone here to talk to, show affection to, eat with, cook for, it is very hard to adjust to, but ill get there.

I do wonder whether he misses some of the things we used to do, the things we did for years, the shared memories, the comfortable feeling of being with your partner for so long, or whether all of that love and time has been trumped by the newness of the OW, and totally disregarded and forgotten. :(

Hi Starting

It was windy here too!

If you can and it is not too late. Get photos of the leak. It is all evidence against his improvements to the house. Hardly an improvement if the rain is coming in after he fixed the supposed leak!

Also all the costs to get it sorted. Keep all this information.

I truly don't know the answer to that one. I think some people, when they've done something really awful, maybe don't allow themselves to look back. If they did, it would mean admitting that they made the wrong choice, and treated someone badly, who didn't deserve it. If they don't look back, then they don't have to feel guilt or shame. I think they throw themselves into the new life, to justify what they did to get there - so they have to pretend (even to themselves) that it was a great love and worth all the shitty things they did to other people.

I really don't believe though that life with OW is perfect. I think he's shitting himself about money and keeping up with the image of himself he's created for her. The shine will wear off and then, who knows. I don't think he will admit to any regrets though.

Karma, i know you're right........when he last came to the house he really did look upset, he cried and said that he was sorry that he hurt me and that i didn't deserve it...........however.........he then went on to say that he loved the OW, didn't love me anymore and even if it didnt work out with her he would never come back to me......so he most certainly wont admit it at atm, even if he is having regrets........

"he then went on to say that he loved the OW, didn't love me anymore and even if it didnt work out with her he would never come back to me..."

Huh! Does he really think you'd still have him? If anyone said that to me, I hope I'd have the presence of mind to say "Oh well there we are then" if a very off-hand tone.

"..so he most certainly wont admit it at atm, even if he is having regrets..."

I don't suppose he will ever admit that what he did was wrong, he'll have his face to save. But if he's already saying "if it doesn't work out", it doesn't look good for him. Ohdearwhatashamenevermind.

Patty, ive told him i wouldn't have him back...he knows that what a tosser!!

Yep...hes told me that she can have tantrums if things don't go her way and she can be 'rough' at times....sounds lovely doesn't she!! but as you said its not my problem........ohdearwhatashamenevermind! :)

Tomorrow will be eight weeks since he left (seems like longer).... i seem to be getting angry today, angry at the way he left, angry at how he has treated me since and also angry at OW who thinks she can send me abusive texts when i am the one who has been wronged here!!

Honestly i really think they are welcome to each other..... i have to start pulling myself up through this now...noone else is going to do it for me.....i know that i will continue to have sad days for a while, but i hope tommorrows milestone will spur me on to start moving forward instead of looking back :) XXXXXX

Im going to have a MASSIVE loaded baked potato later with salad and i might even have some fruit and nut afterwards....im not eating properly, i need to eat!!

GO STARTING!

Bollocks post disappeared.

when he last came to the house he really did look upset, he cried and said that he was sorry that he hurt me and that i didn't deserve it...........however.........he then went on to say that he loved the OW, didn't love me anymore and even if it didnt work out with her he would never come back to me......so he most certainly wont admit it at atm, even if he is having regrets........

What this really means is make Starting think there is a little bit of hope, just to keep his foot in the door and stop Starting letting go.

Words are easy. Actions show what he really means.

I am sorry for what I did - but I still did it because I wanted too...

She is a bitch - but he is still with her because he wants to be. even if she is a complete bitch compared to a nice person like you.

Hi Starting.
Wow! How lovely, sleeping till 11am.
Sorry about the leak but Pink Wellies and her fella to the rescue again¬

Well, every cloud, as they say ---how great never having to watch Moto GP again, or be banished from it. Corrie rules!

There's no doubt he's landed himself a prize bitch. I imagine a few rows and tongue lashings from her will soon wipe the shine off this relationship!

I still fume at those texts! Her main aim seems to be to get her hands on your money.
How very dare she!

Your best revenge is to get that job soon, get the house finished without his help, get yourself well, look drop dead gorgeous, plaster a smile on and make sure they don't get one penny.
One day you will see them and he will be jealous and she will be furious (and jealous!) as you leave them behind in their private hell with all their debts.

That sounds a much feistier you.
Go Starting! xx

Just been trying to eat my massive baked potato... couldn't it seemed to stick in my throat...... i only ate a quarter or so....doggy got the rest!!

I feel a little anxious tonight....i think its because i know he's back from his break ..........i so want to be strong and tell him to bugger off regarding money and f off out of my life, but i feel isolated and alone compared to him he has her backing him up!!

Xales, he has said things like that to me a few times' i need space to think' ' i still miss you' blah blah....all lies....

Thermal, the list of things to achieve is just what i want, im determined to be more positive next week, this week has been a wash out! in more ways than one, i just need to get some strength from somewhere to keep going.

Hope you have a good night, Starting. Shame your appetite is so poor, but that's understandable. I find that no matter what catastrophe has descended I can always manage a banana. Yoghurts are always easy to get down, too. And a tin of rice pudding, perhaps.

Glad you restrained yourself from texting your ex about the leak. I think if it was me I'd let the roof fly off into the North Sea before I contacted him! Great piece of good fortune that pinkwellies' OH is in the trade.

He has her but surely that is just a false illusion of comfort as she really can't be up to much to take up with him! I mean, he is showing her what he's like from Day 1 by how he is treating you, whereas you had to wait 15 years until you saw that side of him properly.

Morning,

Went to bed about 12, read a book for a while, fell asleep, this pattern seems to be emerging where i wake a 5am sweating, worry for half and hour then go back to sleep, could this be the AD's??

Anyway, got up this morning, launched myself into stuff round the house, place is a tip at the moment and i still haven't finished the painting downstairs!! Getting on with things but still have this feel of anxiety, any tips on how to get rid of it???

Pinkwellies fella is coming to fix the leak in the roof later....and then im going to her place for a Chinese haven't seen her in a while so im looking forward to that...

Roxy, i had such an urge to contact him re the leak, as that is what i have done for the last 15 yrs, it took every bit of my strength not to do it, i called pinkwellies instead!

April, thats right their relationship is borne out of lies and deceit, but he does have someone on his side which makes me feel even more alone....:(

Morning Starting. I know the weather's been dire but could you try getting out and about for some exercise? It's said that the endorphins you get from exercising can really help (not in place of ADs I know) and running is free too and gets you out of the house (I know you have things to do in the house but being stuck in just thinking 'I have to do x, y and z' can make anyone feel frustrated etc.

And you said that you hate the mornings when it's so quiet. I stick the radio on in my bedroom as soon as I wake up (Chris Evans, wakes me up) and also in the kitchen so I have something to listen to and dance/sing along to as well. Makes the house feel more alive iyswim.

Starting, you are not alone, we are all here behind you!

I don't know if someone has said this before, but you really need to take detailed photos of all the work that ex left unfinished also get an Estate Agent (or two) in to give you a valuation of the property , unfinished, as it stands. This is just to cover you if ex does go all out to get some proportion of the property, if you sell it in the future.

Perhaps Pinkwellies DH could give you some idea of the value of the work that ex did?

Hold on in there you are doing brilliantly, however I do think you will feel tons better when you have a job, if you can't get anything for the moment would you cosider just taking anything available?