Starting Again, Moving Forward...Onwards and Upwards ! :)

[Startingagain88]

Following all your wonderful messages of love and support since my partner of 15yrs up and left for OW, my previous thread reached the 1000 post mark and so i'm starting this new thread with a more uplifting subject title!!

Its only three weeks in since EXDP left and so i know i have a long way to go...but slowly each day I'm feeling more positive and believing that my life can be wonderful without him!

Here's the link to my old thread -

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1421736-In-shock-cant-quite-believe-it-Long-Sorry

Glad that you are feeling a bit brighter this evening and great news on starting the ADs. Walking the dog and having a proper meal (you must eat regularly even if you don't want to) are great for lifting the spirits. Once the ADs kick in and you get a bit more social interaction from volunteering or work, you will be well on the way to feeling strong again.

Sleep well - we are all wishing you well

didnt get to sleep until gone two this morning and tossing and turning from 5.30, this isnt like me i love my sleep! hating this :(

this not sleeping is a new thing over the last few days....... as if i havent got enough problems!

Starting, its probably because you are still worrying about things.. make sure you get some cat naps in during the day to catch up. Try and empty your mind before you go to sleep in the evenings (harder than it sounds I know) but you need to stay strong.

TLNL, i didnt think anyone would respond at this hour thank you! x yes it is worry, when i woke at 5.30 a million things were rushing through my mind, horrible :(

Starting The more I read about this bloke the more I see him as a pathetic man child who needs a mother figure, someone to look after him, throwing a tantrum each time he isn't taken care of to the level he expects. I think you have had a very lucky escape!

You are doing great, even though you might not think you are

Good morning Starting. Just checking in to say hi and well done on taking the AD

Morning, Starting.

A bit of a tangent, but I read up thread that you are an aunt (and an aunt by the sea with the summer coming).

Do you know your nieces/nephews? If not, perhaps you could tell your DB that you would like to get to know them and that they as a family are welcome to come down to you (you imply that he would have to come on his own). Though I have DCs, the relationships I have with my huge number of nieces/nephews are very special. If they are not too big, easy days on the beach with them could be lovely.

Managed to get another hours sleep but feel exhausted, its bloody grey outside here again which doesn't help.....where is the spring??? Feel kinda flat this morning, sort of blank iykwim no joy but no sadness.....

Under, i do need to reconnect with my brother and his family, hes invited me to my nieces birthday party next month which will be nice, once the house is in a better state ill invite them down for the weekend.

Karma, thank you, i am glad i did, hopefully they will make me feel a bit brighter

Hi starting,

Have you tried the sleeping tablets? I am not sure now with you taking the ads wether you can take them as well, probably best to ask your doctor before trying them. I'm sure you can have say nytol but you best make sure with gp.

It's not nice when you can't sleep, I'm like this a bit as I worry a lot. It's horrible in middle of night when you feel the worlds asleep and your awake.

Big hugs, what do You have planned today?

Sorry you've had a bad night, starting. You should be able to take sleeping tablets with ADs - I assume your GP has only given you a few sleeping tablets as it's not a good idea to take them for a long period of time? When I had quite severe depression (PND) I had stopped sleeping entirely (argh) and the ADs got me back on track. Not overnight though - they take a while to take effect properly. do talk to your doctor about your sleeping and if there's anyting you can take eg herbal - Kalms are very good.

Another thing that sounds so simple but is incredibly effective (I don't know if I've mentioned it on your thread before?) is breathing - make sure your breathing is deep and not shallow ie breathe into your stomach not your shoulders. If you catch yourself taking shallow breaths (usually because of what you're thinking..), take a deep breath/sigh - into your stomach! - to get your breathing back on track.

this website may help you to get some good techniques together to combat the effects of depression. And remember you're not the only one! I'm not sure what the percentage is but a very high percentage of people go through a depressive episode at some stage of their lives - it's not surprising you are with all you've had to face.

Keep going sweetie xxx

RR30, no not yet its only been the last few nights where i havent been sleeping well, i started the ad's yesterday, i dont want to rattle as i walk!

I'm not normally a worrier, but now i cant seem to stop! Yes, that feeling of being alone unable to sleep when the everyone else is in slumber is horrible.....

Ive got nothing really planned for the whole weekend, need to sort out some paperwork,do some more painting tidy up, hang some curtains...all boring stuff, i might go out for a coffee later, but the weather is horrible again today!!

Morning Starting. Sorry you had a bad night. Maybe when the ADs kick in more they will do the trick.
I keep a little stock of special memories in my head of when I was feeling very content, but with nothing that will make me sad or angry (so can be hard to find!) and I drag them up when I can't sleep to try and push the more worrying unpleasant thoughts away.

I think we all feel a bit down with this grey weather but I do love the sound of the rain and I would just love to to be able to go and watch the sea in angry mood. Wish I had a dog as well to make me get out and blow the cobwebs away.

That sounds a great idea to have your brother and his family to stay. You will be a very popular aunty!

Do hope you manage to have a better day Starting. xxxx

Springy, my GP hasn't actually given me any sleeping tablets i was thinking about kalms as you suggested or something similar!!

I try the breathing tips tonight, last night i was very panicky, and my breaths very shallow, it gets worse the more you panic.... its a vicious circle!

Thank you for the website link- ill take a look this afternoon!

Thermal- im hoping that the ad's will kick in soon..... the not sleeping is a new thing.... (except for the first week).... im not sure why is happening now......

I am trying to keep my chin up........but its 12.30 and like a day earlier in the week im still in bed.......got up to let doggy out etc then came straight back upstairs.

The weather is crap outside and as its the weekend, it makes me sad that everyone is with their families, partners etc doing things while im stuck at home :(

Don't make the mistake of thinking that 'everyone is with their families, partners etc'.

I've done this before when I've felt very miserable and lonely; everywhere you look there seem to be couples holding hands and cheerful families. But there were doubtless just as many feeling like me - I just didn't notice them. And what's more, many of the happy-seeming ones were maybe not as happy as they looked - you don't know people's problems.

Starting, you poor love.

I, like many many others, am on my own as well. Like you I always used to imagine everybody else in happy family groups or with their partners all doing lovely things but now I am aware that the reality is often a lot different.
There is often a lot of unhappiness behind the facade.
Now I have got to enjoy being on my own. In fact on a day like today I am so glad I am not shut up with noisy kids and a grumpy husband watching football!

It has taken me a long time but I have gradually got to know other widows or divorced or single people and we meet up when we feel like it.
But in the early days I felt just like you do now.
Sundays particularly are very hard which is why I began walking with a group and we usually end up in a pub.

One day when you are happily settled with a family you will look back and envy the peace and quiet and freedom you now have!!

Don't force things, just begin doing things you enjoy and you will begin meeting people. Go for your cup of coffee and read the papers, potter round the shops, go to the library and see what's on, go round a craft or antique fair or an open garden, go round Dunelm looking for things for your house.

For today, don't worry if you are still in bed. Put the radio on, get a good book and try to enjoy it.

You are bound to feel like you do at the moment, it is very early days but remember there are a lot of us around and some will be living near you.
I do feel for you so much, it is a horrible, horrible feeling and a horrible time for you but I can only keep saying that it WILL get better.

Sending you love and big motherly hugs XXXX

Roxy and Thermal, thank you so much for keeping me going...you dont know how grateful i am......

Roxy, i know you are right, its just in my current frame of mind i find it very hard to see!

Thermal, your posts always make me smile (or cry!), the loneliness is very hard :(, i know in time i will get used to being alone but the transition is more difficult than i ever thought!

Initally i did make more effort to get out etc......i need to start doing this again! I think that this week the shock of all this has really worn off and the reality is sinking in, that i need to do it all on my own, im sure that at some point this will seem exciting to me but at the moment its very frightening!!

I think once the ADs kick in & the sun finally shines you will feel more motivated. If you want to be a super popular aunt you could offer to have the nieces/nephews during the school hols to give their parents a break/ help with childcare if they work? July/Aug is long enough off to plan for maybe?

Midwife......i hope so, this shitty weather seems to really have affected my mood......but i have made a decision...im going to get dressed face the rain and go and have a coffee, i might even get a bag of chips! :) when i get back bully and i will face the weather and go for a long wet walk!! Towel at the ready!

And then get the fire going, open a bottle of wine & a massive bag of kettle chips & watch The Voice in peace. Bliss!! (Jealous weekend shift worker with 5 kids & a messy DH) I do sympathise though love - weekends are esp hard when you're on your own & everyone else seems coupled up. They aren't - honestly.

Go girl. That's more like it!

Yes I think we can tell that you have been very down this week compared to others.
I think it must be a combination of the contrast from being away in company, the shitty weather and I suspect you are thinking about ex and OW away splashing the cash. Well if they are in this country, it will have been a bit miserable and then they will get back to reality and the bills will come in!

I think Midwife is right, when the sun comes out and ADs kick in things will look different.

Enjoy your coffee and crisps. xx

I think the not-sleeping thing is probably because the shock is beginning to wear off and reality is biting - but the main thing is probably you hearing about the 5* trip and him lying to you about money/giving you a hard time over the direct debits etc ie being really HORRIBLE.

All those things are an incredible shock, when you are shocked to your roots already. Bless you starting, you will get through this. Plenty plenty of us have. oh and don't be fooled about everyone looking 'happy' and 'sorted' - things aren't always what they seem.

Hope you manage to get a better night's sleep t

(sorry posted too soon on phone!)
...tonight - take care