Starting Again, Moving Forward...Onwards and Upwards ! :)

[Startingagain88]

Following all your wonderful messages of love and support since my partner of 15yrs up and left for OW, my previous thread reached the 1000 post mark and so i'm starting this new thread with a more uplifting subject title!!

Its only three weeks in since EXDP left and so i know i have a long way to go...but slowly each day I'm feeling more positive and believing that my life can be wonderful without him!

Here's the link to my old thread -

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1421736-In-shock-cant-quite-believe-it-Long-Sorry

That's a shame. Getting work would have meant this other issue would no longer be at the forefront of your mind. But nil desperandum - nobody's actually said 'No' yet. And get looking for other openings. Interviews will be easier when you get back in the swing of them.

x post! You will recover - with a scar, but we've all got them xx

Oldwoman, i understand, but i suppose as he is all i have known for 15 years, i do still look to him for friendship, when the fact is that he is away for a luxury weekend with the OW while i am in bed depressed, upset and distraught feeling like my life is never going to get any better.

He has completely moved on, and i am left here to deal with all the house problems, my hurt feelings and try to get a job all at the same time and to top it all off hes saying he wants more money!

LIFE IS SHIT ATM :)

Please don't make him any offers! Stay strong.

If you haven't and still can, print off the evidence of the 5* hotel stay. It disputes his skint comments.

Get a new phone number. If you are registered with any agencies give them the new number. Once you have heard back from any external jobs you have applied for with that number ditch it.

Are you still paying his telephone or car bill? If not and he is just hanging around trying to get pity money out of you for them please don't give him any. He is in a 5* hotel with OW FFS you would be paying for that if you gave him money!!! If the bills are in your name or coming from your account get them sorted asap so you are not paying them!!!

Make a note of when he moved out and work out what his share of all bills, gas electric, council tax EVERYTHING that you were paying for and that he never paid a penny towards. Especially one where he left before the quarters bills were in etc.

Make a note of all the jobs you set up and arranged all the paperwork for and are entitled to a share of.

If he wants to talk to you about his 'share' of money on the phone again before he can say anything get in first and say something like 'cool that is really good I have spoken with my solicitor about what my share of your business, van, car, work I did for you until you left is.' Once your solicitor has contacted me I will get mine to correspond with them and you and I have no further need to speak. Don't tell him any more than that or agree to anything.

You will get through this. Look how far you have come in a few shorts weeks. /hugs

:( not :)

On a more positive note have just had some tea and toast....i hadn't eaten since sunday night!

Ooh! Tea and toast - think I'll go and get some myself. With Bonne Maman blueberry jam. Yum.

Starting you really need to look after yourself. You need to eat and you need to take the anti ds.

I'd you can't face meals get plenty of picky stuff in. And I am still coming to get those chips when I can too if the offer is still there.

Also not hearing from that other job yet does not necessarily mean a no. Sometimes at work they have to interview over a couple of days and then they have to schedule a time to go over the notes etc so it can take over a week.

Oh honey I'm sorry - I think a duvet day is definitely needed with toast & tea & chocolate & crappy tv. I found a bit of night nurse or piriton has helped calm me at times of crisis so I could just sleep & sleep & hide but longer term the ADs will help get you through this & may make all the difference. Are you on Facebook or msn messenger. The MNs you have connected with the most would be good friends to chat to when you feel alone.

very very low day today...... getting angry with myself now i should be getting over this :( need to get on with my life...... i havent taken the AD's scared of the side effects will get some kalms tomorrow.

god i feel like shit :(

only, yes would love to meet up for chips! would love to meet up full stop... i really could do with some more RL support even just a chat on the phone.... its the isolation which is the hardest thing to cope with.

i need to pull myself together!

Where are you in UK?

near whitstable in kent

Herefordshire borders - anyone nearer?

Do please take the ADs, I am on 20mg paroxatine and they let me feel normal, they shouldn't zonk you out or anything, if they do, go back to the GP as sometimes a particular one is not right for your physiology. They do take 2-3 weeks to kick in though.

I've been having trouble eating properly, I have felt hungry but didn't fancy anything, however when I have cooked something (usually pasta and sauce) and made myself eat it I have been surprised how restored I felt afterwards.

You might be at the even earlier stage that I was with eating - I would just rove the shop buying possible things - stuff like mini-cheddars, and beans with sausages, and chocolate cake. I usually fancied eating something I had bought, eventually. Weetabix with milk is good too - let it go soft, then you can just shovel it down like fuel.

You were with him a long time. It will take a long time to get over him. You are allowed to have a day of wallowing, don't punish yourself for it.

As for anti ds I didn't have any side effects at all. They worked like painkillers. I didn't notice the gloom as it went, it wasn't dramatic. I just noticed after a while that I wasn't so down any more and I wasn't crying so much.

ah, I lost my post!

What I said was that YOU DON'T NEED TO KNOW he is at a 5* whatnot - you just don't need to know that shit.

Where did it start? You spoke to him, he asked for money, saying he was skint - you did some digging... and you found the 5* stuff.

you don't need to know that stuff. You dont need to know that he may never be your friend. yy you do need to face it at some stage but today isn't the day imo. these things comes gradually, anyway. They go at a pace we can cope with. You've got a significant wound to heal, you don't need it digging up with the 5* shit, you've got enough to be getting on with.

My heart is pretty broken at the mo (not a man). I specifically don't want to know the gory details, specifically avoid them. My heart's broken enough, I don't need to know that stuff.

I'm the opposite side of the country - but close in my heart!

Do try to get some nutrition down starting. You'll feel a hell of a lot worse if you haven't eaten. even a babybell here or there, or some smoothies, soup. It doesn't have to be mounds of 'normal' food.

Pink- my gp gave me a months supply of citalopram 10mg looking at the side effects has worried me! i find eating wise that if im out or if someone puts something in front of me (like pinkwellies pasta bake) i eat it, but when im alone i dont tend to bother.....

only- it seems like it has been going on too long already! im fed up of feeling like shit!

springy...i didnt go looking for the 5 star shit! it popped up in my inbox!! i dont particularly feel the need to know what he is doing as tbh im not that interested all i know is that he left me for OW that is enough!!! sorry to hear you are going through a tough time as well......bloody shit isnt it? :(

Hi Starting

Sorry to thread crash - I just wanted to tell you that the side effects of ADs are waaaay less unpleasant than the side effects of depression. DH says ADs allow him to be the person he really is and to cope with the shit that life can fling. He doesn't feel 'altered' in any way - just more 'centred'. They can take a few weeks to kick in but dh felt more himself within 3 days of starting a low dose.

Worth a try, perhaps?
Slam

yes it sure is.

I keep my life simple just to get through it. I know that one day it won't hurt so much despite the godawful scar . I kind of pace my grief if that makes sense.

darling, not that many people get side-effects. They've got to print that stuff to cover themselves. I know we're supposed to be responsible but your GP know what's what with you and 10mg is a very low dose indeed, unlikely to cause any significant side-effects.

Note to starting-self: don't read side-effects

That's right about the side-effects. I've had a lot of illness over the last 15 years and have had to take a number of different drugs. The only side-effect I ever had was cold hands when I was taking a beta-blocker, even though the leaflets warned of all sorts of possible dire consequences. It's like the 'may contain nuts' warnings at the supermarket.

ThePink, have you got shares in Weetabix?

Don't let him grind you down.

Your having a bad day today but just think your on the roller coaster, it's hit a dip but it will Improve, honestly. Just think of the big one at Blackpool.

I know how you feel about the ads. I was scared shitless of taking them. You might feel a bit more depressed to start with before they fully kick in. I didnt notice this side effect but some do experience that. Which ad is it you have been prescribed?

I know you feel worse today because it's rainy... I know how you feel it is here too and grey. Sometimes I like a bit of rain so I can hide away. Your ex has gone on his break and you feel crap, I know it's a punch in the face, but you know i doubt he will be having a good time, soon enough he will hit rocky waters with her. Your feeling down now but you will come out of this stronger and happier, you just need to carry on on the rollercoaster, it's a process, yes it's shit but you will come out the other side the happier and stronger one.

Dig deep bare with it. Be kind to yourself. Try todo things that you enjoy for now eg watching a movie. I love dirty dancing or have a hot choc with marshmallows.

Just thinking dirty Dancing might not make you feel better but then again it might because you can now find your patty swayzeee! Nobody puts starting in a corner. Your ex is hardly him.. I love the film. It takes you away ... Romance and try love?

Sorry TRUE love it was supposed to say haha x