Starting Again, Moving Forward...Onwards and Upwards ! :)

[Startingagain88]

Following all your wonderful messages of love and support since my partner of 15yrs up and left for OW, my previous thread reached the 1000 post mark and so i'm starting this new thread with a more uplifting subject title!!

Its only three weeks in since EXDP left and so i know i have a long way to go...but slowly each day I'm feeling more positive and believing that my life can be wonderful without him!

Here's the link to my old thread -

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1421736-In-shock-cant-quite-believe-it-Long-Sorry

Sometimes mn can give you a skewed view of the world and make you think everyone is horrible. Threads like this turn that on its head. starting you are a very strong and lovely person. Pinkwellies you are amazing and truely one of the worlds good people. I wish I lived closer and had friends like you both.

Guy from kennels came to collect doggy, (as i cant fit him in my car)...i felt like i was being so horrible to him sending him away, as he has already lost ex and maybe he thinks now i dont want him anymore..... i know im being silly, but it still hurts :(

Came back into house and his bed and toys are there and i feel so sad....and so lonely....what is wrong with me? why cant i get through this? Ex left six weeks ago now and i am still crying nearly every day (although it is getting less), i just dont seem to be moving forward in any real way.

Oh yes you are, it is blindingly obvious from your posts. It's perfectly all right to feel like this, you are grieving.

I hate putting cat in kennels, it feels like putting her in prison

Seeing dogs go off like this is a bit upsetting for anyone, but in your vulnerable state it will hit a very raw nerve. But he will come bouncing back, tail wagging, in a matter of days, and you have lots to get on with in the meantime!

You are expecting too much of yourself at this stage; fifteen years with a man is a lot to get out of your system - it's bound to take longer than six weeks, but will come gradually. Don't know what you mean by not moving forward 'in any real way'. You seem to be making progress to me - both practically (getting stuff organized about the house and all) and mentally (you're getting a perspective on ex's behaviour).

Speaking of which, sounds like there's trouble in paradise and that the bed of roses is spiky with thorns! You might be too nice to relish it, but if it were me I'd be enjoying the Schadenfreude (in fact I am ).

Wow sounds like he's got himself a keeper there! Evil -

6 weeks ago could you imagine yourself saying you were going to spend a few days with freinds? You have seen ex true colours and you dont want him back, you have the house sorted, you have started councelling, you have put feelers out for work, you have had estate agents round...... And you dont think you have made any progress?

If the tears have you in a vicious cycle of negative thoughts I would seriously urge you to reconsider the anti depressants. There realy isnt any shame in it.

He has gone from lovely, laid back, supportive you to an insecure, devious, witch with white carpets!!! Lucky him eh.

You will feel heaps better once you've done your painting and be physically tired.
You are doing really well, just hang on in there !

Thanks all....! :)

Had some guys here about the loft earlier (same guys as before)..... god the gaffer is gorgeous you could swim in his eyes :) Hes small but very sweet!

Locksmith is here at the moment...hes a nice fella too..just talking to people helps...a bit of human interaction!!

Only...i wish you lived closer to me too!!...you have given me such great advice and I would like to make more friends god knows i need them at the moment! Practically i can see that i am starting to move things forward, but emotionally i still feel very weak and drained.......

Thanks Pink and Roxy, i did feel awful seeing doggy go but TBH i havent been that good company for him the last few weeks and so he will probably enjoy his little holiday...i hope so anyway :)

Poo .... i said to ex that OW's behaviour was really nasty and that he should think about that..... ie she sounds like a bunny boiler, very controlling and possessive he should watch out!

The last time i spoke to ex he said that he still cared and worried about me, wanted to help me and that he needed 'time and space' to think about things....i think he was trying to say that he was considering coming back, trying to keep me dangling for a few months to see how things work out with OW (i think he is having doubts already), my future is full of unknowns at the moment some scary some exciting, but there is one thing i am sure of......i will NEVER take him back! :)

Good for you!

Seconded on poo's good for you, and I would love to see the look on his face when you get the chance to tell him that..for I forsee it happening

I third it .. and his face will certainly be a 'Kodak moment' when it sinks it that you don't want the Booby Prize

I've been lurking on this thread & I just want to say how strong you are & it sounds like your life is going to be so much better in the future than it was in the past!!

How you doing?

How is the break with pinkwellies treating you

hoping you are having an excellent time starting

Hope you have had a nice break

Hi All,

Been a while so i thought i would update you all!!

Last week was quite busy, stayed with Pinkwellies for three nights, as she doesnt live far from me was coming back during the day to carry on painting! The company really helped me and we had a great night out on Friday and a lovely day out on saturday.

Had two interviews last week, i was really worried about going along as i have lost all my confidence, the panic was terrible but i went to both and am waiting to hear how i got on!!

Had an ok weekend.....still feeling very lonely and depressed at the moment.... no contact from Ex all week until........

Withheld number on mobile yesterday, answered as waiting to hear about jobs....it's ex he's changed his mind we want money from the house.....he said he was going to solicitor as i 'wont give him what he is owed'.......i said ok then....

Panic all night......upset all day...went to GP this afternoon to get some AD's I now feel like i cant get through this..........help! :)

You've come this far starting and you've done fantastically well so don't let him get to you - from all the advice you've had it sounds like he (twatface) hasn't got a leg to stand on - let him go to a solicitor and he'll find out for himself.
The solicitor on mn sounded like he knew his stuff - are you going to use him?

Aw honey, he is such a fucking prick.

Firstly, don't panic and don't offer him anything. Quite possibly he is yanking your chain to see if you cave and make him an offer. Well done on saying 'okay then' and not 'biting'.

Secondly, you need to start playing hard ball now. If he goes ahead with this, then you must counter claim, for all the investment you have made in the business. I think now is the time to instruct a solicitor about getting the van back. Sometimes the best form of defence is attack. If he is made to realise that actually, he could end up having to pay you money, he may well back off. solicitors don't come cheap and he would be hard put to pay one if he couldn't work, due to you having the van back!

I hope you have kept the texts from him about not wanting any money.

You can get through this - I would be very surprised if he got anything from you. You weren't married, the house is in your name and paid for with your money and he has not added value. He has received far more in the way of financial support than he ever contributed.

Remember that he has to prove what he has contributed - the court won't just take his word for it.

What karma said.

Dont panic. He is not entitled to your money. Let him find out how much it costs to even try to coerce you.

What Karma and Captain said.

He's not entitled to your money. And as for her she entitled to fuck all.

Hey glad to hear you went to interviews.

Solicitor will either tell him he's no chance, or will tell him to try to build up costs. Either way you have no problem. Collaborate has confirmed what we have all been telling you... He is entitled to nothing.

If he calls you again just hang up. You don't have to speak to him. You have texts from him admitting he owes you nothing.

Do you have bully back yet?

Thank you all, i need this support now as i am floundering!! :(

Why oh why am I so frightened about this? Because i have time to think...it churns around in my head....... :( I was considering giving him some money to f* off but is makes me sick that he will be spending that on her...

It took all my strength to go to those interviews, the person i loved most in this world rejected me and its hard to regain your confidence and believe that anyone will want you again after that ...even for a job....also to put yourself in the position where you may be rejected again is very hard.... fingers crossed!

Bully is still in kennels as i am painting and he loves to makes a mess!!:) hes coming back in a couple of days....phoned the kennels...they said he is having a lovely time and making new friends........ i need to do more of that!!

OK, now focus!

Just about everyone on MN (including a solicitor who specialises in divorce law) has told you to sit tight and wait. It is most unlikely that he has a case, so the best thing you can do is nothing.

But in the meantime your demeanor and attitude is of the utmost importance.

Don't let them see you are worried! A lot of this will be him trying to scare you into making an offer. If you must reply to him just keep replies to the minimum, smile (even if he can't see you he will hear it in your voice) and say you can't comment without talking to your solicitor.

He hasn't even seen a solicitor yet, when he does, you'll see how quickly he backs off.

You are so much better than all of this.

Sorry x post.

Of course you're scared.

And interviews are terrifying at the best of times, let alone when you've just had the rug pulled from under you.

Really hoping you get a yes for one of those jobs.