Starting Again, Moving Forward...Onwards and Upwards ! :)

[Startingagain88]

Following all your wonderful messages of love and support since my partner of 15yrs up and left for OW, my previous thread reached the 1000 post mark and so i'm starting this new thread with a more uplifting subject title!!

Its only three weeks in since EXDP left and so i know i have a long way to go...but slowly each day I'm feeling more positive and believing that my life can be wonderful without him!

Here's the link to my old thread -

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1421736-In-shock-cant-quite-believe-it-Long-Sorry

It's not THE house .. it's your house - tell him to fuck off

Kirsty,

Its just so annoying as i was feeling good this morning......talk to him for ten minutes and im on the floor again...... i just dont want him to walk away with more than he has already had.......

MY HOUSE :)

Thatagirl!! :)

Perhaps a wee call to your solicitor is in order .. ? She can advise you on the best course of action

KWx

Whatever you may or may not want, things are NOT going to be amicable, so put any illusions that they might right out of your head now to avoid future disappointment.

The best way to handle the situation is to avoid face-to-face or even phone contact - as everyone on here says. Please don't let him undermine your recovery, which is still very fragile. You are simply not robust enough to cope with his presence at the moment, so avoid him like the plague (which he is).

It's all the more important to keep away from him if you think he's going to try to extort a promise to give him money out of you. The fact that he's removing the last of his stuff from the premises will likely upset you more than you expect - it'll be a symbolic end to your relationship - and you won't be in command of yourself. The very worst time to handle the financial attack he's likely planning.

Do as the other posters have suggested and leave the garage door open - then leave the premises. If you return to find him hanging around like a bad smell in order to ambush you, refuse point blank to discuss the matter. Say just that - "I refuse to discuss the matter" - and keep on repeating it, five hundred times if necessary, until he buggers off. All he can then do is have recourse to a solicitor - and it will be interesting to see how far he gets. I hope his 'divorce lawyer' employer puts him right.

It really is time to harden your heart and your head now.

Don't be afraid - we'll all be rooting for you xx

Another hug ((starting)) ..I am so for you, what an absolute cunt of the first order your ex is.. you will need to stick to your guns about your house, is there any chance anyone can be with you when cockface comes to collect his stuff?

I forget where you are but Id be bloody prepared to drive there and be with you

Roxy, i think i understand that now... he gets angry with me if i don't give him the answers he wants or get 'narky' as he puts it.... his priority is her and him now....he said that once we sort out the 'finances' we can be friends but until that happens we can't, what a bastard why would i want to be friends with someone who is trying to rip me off?

TLNL-he knows i haven't got any friends that i can call on, thats why he uses the ' we can be friends after we settle this line'...he even said 'it must be hard for you...i have someone to go home to in the evenings, you don't!'- how can he be so fucking cruel after 15 years? I really dont get it!

Firstly may I say. WELL bloody DONE for being out and about so much yesterday that he could see you I'm 3 different places (Shame mr stalker didn't see you at the solicitors office)

Secondly I would advise you weren't around when he came to pick the rest of his stuff up.

Thirdly. If you HAVE to be there and have to talk to him can I suggest you have a pre prepared statement to fall back on. I quite like the 1 below:

"Look you lying, cheating, manipulative, freeloading, sponging, money grabbing arsebadger! I would like nothing more than to end this here and now and never have to see your pitiful excuse for a face again, but if you insist on persuing what is rightfully mine and try to claim a penny out of MY house I will fight for all that you owe me from OUR business like the van I paid for, the books I kept, the plans I drew, the sales leads i brought in and when that's done i will go after the Merc, that i have a record of making most of the payments on.

Not to mention the 4 years i kept you, the holidays i paid for, the materials i bought for the house, the legal fees and stamp duty i paid.

If you really try to get a single red cent out of me i will hunt you down and take you for everything you have now, or are likely to have in the future.

Your girlfriend is welcome to my dregs. Now fuck off to the far side of fuck and when you get there fuck off some more"

(Only is not one to be fucked off)

Good God! This guy is a bastard proper piece of work! He must take you for a complete idiot! He is playing and manipulating you with words in order to get what he wants out of you. Edit the text he sent you when he was drunk and send it him! Tell him there is nothing to sort out apart from him removing his crap from YOUR house, if he thinks different then he can contact a solicitor. Which he will find difficult to do with no money. Tosser!

OMFG the more I read about this man the more I actually want to hurt him, and I dont even know him personally

I like what you are saying only4tonight

Think starting is far too dignified for our gutterspeak though but I hope she finds that anger she needs to ignite the fire in her belly sometime soon and tell him exactly what you said.

Hi,

You really didn't need to take this call from him. You could have just emailed him or text him his last date to collect his things then it's charity, sell or skip. You shouldn't be waiting around for him to set a date - just tell him.
It's obvious that he's sweet talking you to get some money. I bet the other woman isn't rolling in money and wants a piece of the pie too.

I know you want to cling to him but the longer you have his things in the house he will treat you like a mug.

Also he's used the conveniently bumping into the divorce lawyer to scare you. It's a indirect threat. He's a selfish, nasty man. He's moved out left you alone and he's still kicking you when your down. Are you not seeing him for what he really is now?

Just or thing why would you want to remain friends with him? He's not your friend. He just wants to bully you and manipulate you. He's more like your enemy.

Don't talk to Him about the house, its nothing to do with him. Go on text/email him and say Saturday is your last day, your lucky I am giving you this last chance to collect your belongings after the way you have treated me, after that it's charity shop and skip . There's nothing I need to talk to you about on Saturday. ( an email is prob best as you can then tell him like only said about how you have paid for everything and list the lot. ) then say you owe him nothing, tell him what he owes you. He will be so shocked you are standing up to him. He's a bully and he needs telling. Then tell him to leave you alone! Enjoy his life with his bit on the side. I would be tempted to get at her too, like a dig in her direction. I bet she's insecure about him having other women or still seeing you both.

Your girlfriend is welcome to my dregs. Now fuck off to the far side of fuck and when you get there fuck off some more"

I love that!

I think i've said on here before that when my father went offf with a OW my mum went to peices. She agreed to forego any claim on his pension (after 25 years) any claim on the house (we eventually got her 50%) and any maintenance - in the hope that he would like her more than the OW. That he would see what a wonderful, caring, generous person she was (which she is, and after 25 years i think her 'd'h should have known that anyway). It made no difference, he still went, probably counting his money and laughing with relief that she didn't take him for everything she could.

Once he's taken his stuff your dp is OUT of your life. You do konw that, don't you?

Stop speaking to him there is no need.

Send him an email/text so you have a written trail. This will prove very useful when you go to the police eventually about him following you around or stalking you.

Do not talk to him about the house. There is nothing to say. This man's only intention is to screw you for every last penny that he can get out of you.

He can be so fucking cruel because you are nothing to him. Please you really have to see that the man you thought he was does not exist.

This man is NOT your friend.

This man does NOT care about you.

Stop engaging. Not for us. For you.

OP, I have been reading your thread and you have done so well! And what a prat your ex is : even if the lawyer said he had a case, he is very unlikely to tell her how much you have put into the business, and very slowly will back away!!!
Regarding his stuff, can you not bag it all up and take it all away and drop it off somewhere? His parents, OW?? Sounds awful thing to do, but would not give him any reason to come near the house again. Also make sure the locks are changed for the garage and house, last thing you want is him having any access. And defiantly don't be there for when he comes around if you do let him, but make it very clear it is the final time and he will not be allowed around again.

Roxy, i am afraid, afraid of losing what i have worked for over these years....

Just spoken to my solicitor he says that is it hard to predict how things thing will pan out and he would need to look at all my paperwork to really understand my position that's going to take him ages........at £200 an hour!!

He says that if i want to, i could offer him an amount of money as a 'good will gesture' to bugger off basically, he would sign a document to that effect..........??!?!?! This is so confusing!?!?! He has said that i should ask him what he wants......then we will know what we are dealing with!

I would just not engage with XP at all Starting If he wants to come after you for anything let him pay solicitors etc and take you to court ... I wouldn't offer him anything!

God no! I wouldn't offer him a penny. I agree with Kirsty to let him pay out for solicitors.

I'd go down the route of threatening him back, for all the years of support he's had. I couldn't bring myself to give him the steam off my piss!

Btw I am Liarswife Time to move on from letting that tosser define my user name!

He must know Starting that you are too nice and thinks he can bully you into doing what he wants because you don't want any confrontation - show him the error of his ways!

He must know that he is not entitled to anything after all you've already stumped up for him!

Actually that's not a bad idea, why don't you just come right out and say via email or text what are you looking for. It's obvious this is what he is sniffing around for. just be blunt, hes sweet talking you so he can work up to asking for some money either cash, goods, house etc So be blunt ask him then you'll know what he's hoping for. I don't think he's got a chance but let's see what the little worm says. So cut to the chase forget this nicely nice just say what are you looking for money wise?

Nooooo! You owe him nothing! I think you should say something along the lines of "I do hope after all the time, money and effort I have put into getting your business off the ground, you aren't going to be as ridiculous as to think you have some sort of claim on my house, are you?"

Just spoken to my solicitor he says that is it hard to predict how things thing will pan out and he would need to look at all my paperwork to really understand my position that's going to take him ages........at £200 an hour!!

That's two people trying to fleece you hon :( You know exactly how much you've ploughed into this guy (all for nothing) over the years. You don't need a solicitor to charge you for telling you that. I Would really love to see you pull a fast one here - sell the house without him knowing and get out of dodge, never to be seen again...

I think deep down you're harbouring this hope (if you're honest with yourself) that by staying amicable and giving him anything he wants, you'll stay friends and gradually he'll see he made a mistake and come back to you. Who'd blame you if that's what you're thinking after 15 years?
But seriously, that's never ever going to happen. After he bleeds you dry (which he will, if given a chance, make no mistake), he will cut you from his life and you won't see him again.

Please be the first to do that to him. Harden your heart and f$%k him off OP, seriously, please do it..

Yep did you mention your claim on the business to your solicitor. If you do decide to offer anything offer just that. You won't claim on the business and he won't claim on the house.

He has screwed you over once, don't let him do it again.

Please

Also 200 an hour is a lot! I am sure there are cheaper options around. And I am also sure if you fight back you can sort it before lawyers get involved. If you can't afford a legal battle, damn straight he can't.