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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Can you ever get trust back?

173 replies

Whatacrapday · 26/03/2012 13:18

Found out last summer that OH had cheated with some woman he met on FB. He said it was only stuff by phone and a few texts, but I found hundreds of them on FB mailer and he's always kept his phone close. Some of the texts said he was in the bathroom at the time, which sounded so tacky. He tried to lie about the naked pics they both texted even though they praised them on FB. He blamed me and said we weren't close but he'd never said anything to me and I thought we were happy, I'd always tried to think of him first and support him in everything

Anyway that was nearly a year ago and I tried since then to be really loving to him even though I thought I already was. Things have gone on somehow and now we've booked some breaks away this summer, but I can't look at him the same way. Every time he gets nasty I'm afraid its with me and he'll go off and break our home up. He's never liked talks about feelings and I can't find the words to tell him how I feel not the same as I did. He tells me he loves me sometimes now, but it sounds like its choking him to say it and I don't know if its because he doesn't mean it or just because he's not really a romantic type, although he was romantic in his texts to her!

I really need help please on if you can ever get things back to how it was? Please don't anyone suggest conselling because he wouldn't go and even if he did he'd just say everything was my fault

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 11/04/2012 19:26

When you say an unknown number, do you mean you didn't recognise it or that it was withheld?

Whatacrapday · 12/04/2012 12:02

Having to do this fast while hes out, no the number the text was from just said Unknown. I don't know if that means they kept it back? The number would be easy to find because I used to be on a local committee and my contact details were all over the place, it wouldn't be hard for anyone to find it if they wanted to.
Im waiting to see if any reply comes to my text, don't really expect one but I'd like to know who it was if I'm going to say anything about it, I really didn't need this as well

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Whatacrapday · 17/05/2012 13:19

Please is anyone out there who can hold my hand for a bit, only I'm feeling really rocky, stupid I know. God help me but I still have another couple of months wait before the counselling but I made an GP appointment next Monday anyway because I feel utterly desperate and wonder if he'd give me stronger ADs for the time being

OH is being a complete arse now, sorry for himself, sulking and just being really unpleasant, it's like any effort around here has got to be made by me. I know I'm being cowed and I know it's stupid, but the fact is I haven't the guts to face him down yet which is why I need some counselling. I've got to be braver somehow, to be frightened of your own OH is ridiculous but there's no point in lying on here - that's the way I feel because of what he's done to me

What I really want is to be accepted by him and have a proper conversation about all of this but any emotional talk is impossible for him. I wish I could know just what he did with anyone else but there doesn't seem much point in that now I suppose, I never found out who sent me the last text either

All the waiting for support is really getting to me - please does anyone have any advice while I wait, sorry if this sounds completely confused but that's how I feel all the time at the moment

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Whatacrapday · 17/05/2012 20:00

Oh god please, is there anyone there? Please?????!!!!!!!!!!!
He's come home tonight with an appointment to see the GP at 4.30 tomorrow because he says he's got chest pains!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I know someone said about impotence can be caused by blocked arteries so now I know he's frightened he's having a heart attack. I should be able to comfort him but I don't even know how to do that, I'm just too scared myself, I know he doesn't think anything of me except what I can do for him, but I don't know how I'd cope on my own either.
I've not been able to get counselling yet because of the waiting list ........... help what do I do now? I'm just so FRIGHTENED!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OP posts:
Whatacrapday · 17/05/2012 20:15

Bump?

OP posts:
Whatacrapday · 17/05/2012 20:30

Please anybody, please????

OP posts:
MadAboutHotChoc · 17/05/2012 20:35

Sorry to hear you are distressed. The problem is that we have already given you loads of good advice and you have ignored it all.

I think the reason why people have not replied is because they are sure what to say knowing you will not take any noticed of us Sad

You really need to read through this thread again.

AnyFucker · 17/05/2012 20:35

hello

I think people are hesitating to post on your thread because you sound very distressed (past the point of an internet board being able to help you) and it's not clear what you want

you sound desperate and I can't actually understand why

if your H is having a heart attack, the medical professionals will treat him accordingly

you, however, sound like you are having a crisis and I recommend you speak to someone in RL, like The Samaritans, or Woman's Aid

I am not trying to dismiss you, it's just that I don't know how to help you

AnyFucker · 17/05/2012 20:37

x-posted with choc

OP, choc and I are very helpful posters with our head screwed on

we can't help you, love

we sympathise massively, but what do you want ?

I can't see it Sad

MadAboutHotChoc · 17/05/2012 20:41

I think the reason why people have not replied is because they are sure what to say knowing you will not take any noticed of us

Unsure what to say knowing you will not take any notice of us - duh!

Your H is getting medical help from his GP.

I think you need to see a GP for yourself - you sound very distressed Sad

Whatacrapday · 17/05/2012 20:42

Why ever would you say I hadn't listened to everyone's very kind advice? I'm trying my best to get some counselling from the GP but I'm stuck in a massive queue it seems, and I've been doing my best to stay calm with OH until I get this support, I don't have anyone to turn to in RL
Yes, I'm panicking now because of this latest nightmare, it just doesn't seem to end, like I said I'm going back to the GP on Monday to see if he can do anything.
I just wanted some kind of support because I'm in a bit of a state right now, but if everyone thinks there's not much point, I'm truly sorry, I won't bother MNs again

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 17/05/2012 20:48

what is your concern ?

your H is about to peg it from a heart attack ?

it's not clear from your recent posts, and not clear why you think the medical profession would allow that to happen

do you want us to help you see that your H is very likely manipulating this situation for reasons of his own ?

would you listen ?

do we think we should support you in the your quest for "stronger" anti-depressants

I don't believe in medicating someone with the express intent of staying in an unhealthy relationship

I really feel for you, love, like I did before

I don't know what else to say

MadAboutHotChoc · 17/05/2012 20:48

Ok, sorry if I came across as harsh.

Glad you are going back to your GP. Have you tried calling Women's AId etc for help and support?

You are in a no win situation - he won't change and the only way things will change is for you to get out.

Leverette · 17/05/2012 20:55

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

VanderElsken · 17/05/2012 20:59

Hello What

I understand you feel deeply distressed and anxious. Calm down. Deal with the health issue as it happens, everything else can be addressed in good time.

It's possible he's having some sort of heart complaint, you need to contact the doctor or a hospital if he has all the signs of a heart attack. Look on NHS direct. Plenty of people have silent heart attacks which, thankfully, do very little damage these days (comparatively) and sometimes are even not noticed as having happened until months later.

But really, I would guess that this is anxiety related. People who have affairs and have their relationships spiral as a result are in a constant state of stress and anxiety and panic attacks and palpitations are normal. Your partner was and still is, almost certainly, being unfaithful. You need to accept this, sit and breathe and let it sink in as a fact.

You then need to realise that it has never been addressed properly. He has not done any of the things that would constitute trying to rebuilt the levels of trust that he tore down, and you have been the one to make effort. This makes things worse rather than better as the lesson learned by him is there are no consequences except you are nicer to him. It makes things worse for you because you feel insecure and upset all the time and ultimately worthless and resentful.

Your relationship is clearly unequal and has huge problems with fear and lack of communication. The counselling is the right idea but you are in a dreadful situation and clearly desperate.

Deal with the health issues, coldly if necessary. 'Caring' for him is unnecessary as I suspect this is all related to the pressure and atmosphere his infidelity and you capitulation has built up in the home.

If you are saying any emotional talk is impossible with him, why on earth do you imagine continuing in a relationship with him at all is feasible? It just isn't. Why do you so need to be 'accepted by him' when he treating you worse than a doormat? Step back from this and consider what you'd tell a good friend who was going through this.

You seem cowed and caught in an unhealthy dominated situation where you can't even ask him in response to a text you've received, unsolicited, what the hell is going on. This is a reasonable question, hell a logical demand. This seems like an affair is reaching its head, a jealous or troublesome OW is stirring and you are clearly going out of your mind and he is breaking down physically. If you truly cannot confront him about this then you need to leave the house and leave a letter when he is out explaining that the situation is intolerable and go and stay with someone, anyone.

I mean this all very seriously, OP, and I sympathise hugely, but this cannot go on. You need to take charge and address this terrible terrible behaviour he has visited on you, or I fear your life will be destroyed, one way or the other.

Whatacrapday · 17/05/2012 21:00

God knows if its a heart attack or not, I just can't cope with any more of this bloody stress ALL THE TIME

Yes AF of course it occurred to me to wonder if any of this was a wind up to suit himself, but I honestly don't know if even he would do that and open himself up to possible painful tests and god knows what else, just to spite me.

Yes I also agree that ADs aren't ideal, but I've go to have SOME help to get my head straight, every time I try to get things calmer and get something sorted out for myself something else gets thrown at me and I'm just completely struggling

Yes I shall call Womens Aid when he goes out, he was supposed to be working tomorrow but now he's got the day off for this appointment

OP posts:
Whatacrapday · 17/05/2012 21:07

Your relationship is clearly unequal and has huge problems with fear and lack of communication. The counselling is the right idea but you are in a dreadful situation and clearly desperate

That's absolutely true, Vander, and it's also true that at the moment I feel like I'm going out of my mind. I really envy the women on here who are more able than me - doesn't everyone know that I realise how stupid this sounds? - but this didn't all happen in a day it built up over all of the 23 years I suppose

Anyway the situation I'm in is what it is today and I'm desperately trying to find a way of dealing with it. Even I can see that this can't go on, honestly I can, but I can hardly turn round and say I'm leaving right now with all this going on, can I ????

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AnyFucker · 17/05/2012 21:09

if you truly believe he is having a heart attack, there is no other course of action

call 999

and let the medical professionals deal with him

you deal with yourself

I seriously think you are the one going to end up very ill indeed if you stay in this pressure cooker

have you even considered there might be a way out of it ?

you seem to want someone to recue you, or even kidnap you out of it

that isn't going to happen

only children get removed from toxic situations (if they are lucky)

the grown-ups have to do it by themselves

AnyFucker · 17/05/2012 21:11

*rescue

VanderElsken · 17/05/2012 21:17

Relax and take a breath. "All this" is an appointment to see the doctor at the moment. His infidelity is producing in you a feeling of going mad, which many people will relate to.

There is one thing to confront and that is, what is the nature of the chest pains he has. Firstly, they are HIS chest pains so it's his responsibility. If he seems pretty much okay physically and can wait until tomorrow, I bet it's anxiety related, but check off symptoms online if you are very worried.

That's all that needs doing right this second, and it's his heart, not yours. Yours is already fucked from him stamping on it.

So stop feeling it as a massive snowball and break it down. That's just one thing. There could be a myriad of things behind this including, I'd guess, him not wanting to go into work because something's gone tits up with the OW who he probably works with.

Stop taking on all this anxiety and madness when it's ALL HIS. You have done nothing at all, you should be outside with a fucking cocktail. He has been cheating on you and it's all reached a head. He's the one who should be going mad.

You clearly know your relationship is fucked, which is more than can be said for a lot of people. Deal with the chest pains. If he is not in a dangerous situation then you need to confront him or leave.

Whatacrapday · 17/05/2012 21:20

I haven't a clue if it's an attack or not, AF, he says he has chest pains but now that he's had them for 3 weeks and it's a "discomfort" rather than a sharp pain and that's why he made the appointment for tomorrow

And yes, of course I know this can't go on for ever or even very much longer, but like I said I've got no RL support or anyone else to turn to and so I want to also ask the GP if the counselling can somehow be brought forward. If I'm honest, the main idea of this is to get some strength to plan an exit atr last if I can, you're quite right that this is making me seriously ill

But like I said, I get some kind of calm while waiting for this and then the whole bloody thing blows up again in my face and I feel I'm staggering again

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Whatacrapday · 17/05/2012 21:25

His infidelity is producing in you a feeling of going mad, which many people will relate to

Thank you for that, Vander, and you're absolutely right about feeling like I'm going mad. You're also right that my heart is fucked "because of him stamping on it", I just hope this latest thing can somehow be sorted and then he won't be able to stamp on it any more - I honestly can't take much more of this

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VanderElsken · 17/05/2012 21:26

Right, this isn't a heart attack this is the anxiety of an affair.

I'm guessing you have no RL support because this relationship has ostracised you from others and taken over your life. You know this is a very very bad sign.

If you have family you are estranged from I would suggest you consider getting back in touch with them soon, however hard that may be, people are surprisingly kind in such circumstances often.

I understand what you're saying, and I really really feel for you. This counselling is a great idea, you see that living in this environment is making you both ill.

If you haven't the strength to confront him, is that because you fear him physically? If not, you can be helped through doing that here.

Otherwise I would seriously suggest drafting a letter to leave him and then getting out of the house, if only to explode the situation which is simmering unhealthily. He seems ready to admit.

Counselling will help but you already know that you cannot continue in this relationship.

AnyFucker · 17/05/2012 21:29

3 weeks of chest pains sounds like indigestion to me

it sounds like he swallowed a huge great ball of no good and now it's irritating his stomach lining

Whatacrapday · 17/05/2012 21:35

Yes, Vander, I've got another tab open with NHS Direct and others, and it might be angina but it doesn't sound like an attack as such to me, but like you said it's not my heart and I can't know what the pain is exactly

You're also right about the relationship distancing me from anyone else and yes, it seems to cover absolutely everything in shit. I don't have any family at all, unfortunately, which obviously doesn't help

No, I'm not afraid he'll hit me - at least not so far - he's just plain abusive and completely nasty, unless he wants something. Needless to say, he's being all sweetness and light and big spaniel eyes at the moment. Actually that's good in a strange way because it just underlines for me the way he changes only when he wants to, and yes, that's why I know it can't go on

Actually I think I like your idea about writing a letter when the time comes, it means I wouldn't have yet more distress in trying to face him down and make him see what he's done - not that he would be able to see it

OP posts:
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