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Original poster

Found Out My Husband is Sleeping With Escorts

165 replies

bagpus77 · 22/03/2012 21:32

[Message from MNHQ: This thread was started in 2012. It's a zombie thread. Just saying...]

Hi all,

I am a mother of two beautiful children ad the wife of a man I adore. We have been together always and last week I discovered he has been sleeping with escorts for at least half of our married life.

He denied it until there was no way out and so last night the man who I thought I could trust told me everything.

He was paying for sex each week with various different hookers or whatever it is they are called. He said he finds me dull in bed and that since the kids my need for sex is almost not there and he didn't want to bug me for sex.

I am devastated and just dont know what to do other than cry and feel so angry. I can't look at him anymore for betraying me and my trust.

I love him but don't like him much right now.

OP posts:
KarmaK · 23/03/2012 02:48

Unknown, did you take your husband back after he shagged the escort?

Unknownmember · 23/03/2012 03:24

I did. It's not easy and we are still working through it. The bad days are being out shadowed by the good days. But I haven't forgiven him yet. He still has a long way to go before we get there

HillyWallaby · 23/03/2012 03:43

Why are we calling them escorts on this thread? They don't sound like escorts, they sound like prostitutes. And escorts are just prostitutes who dress up nicely and go on a pretend date with you first. They are still prostitutes.

By using words that make them sound less bad you are trying to make it feel less bad. But it is bad. The OP's H has had a weekly habit for half her married life and she still has small children - that is as bad as it gets.

henrysmama2012 · 23/03/2012 07:09

He is a complete a$$hole and is also a terrible role model for your kids. So sorry that you have got a shock like this, but you can't be with this man anymore - I personally think you should tell your parents & his, apply for a divorce immediately, and really use their support to get through it. There are some things that are just not salvageable!

And unprotected sex with a hooker...repeatedly...you MUST go get tested. The fact that he'd jeopardise your health like that is beyond belief.

And saying you are dull in bed? Just another stupid comment from an endlessly stupid man. I am sure he is full of stupid, banal, comments, and pathetic actions (drinking an crying when he got busted over prostitutes - I mean, come ON!) - none of which you should take any notice of. Look at the way he treats himself (like crap, tbh, with no boundaries) & he genuinely feels more entitled to attention - at HiS age - than your babies. Seriously, he is just an a$$hole. You, on the other hand, will have a great life in front of you away from this man after you have gotten over the shock of dealing with all of this. Stay strong and I hope you are ok!

ToothbrushThief · 23/03/2012 07:15

Aside of the betrayal to me as a woman/partner/wife... I could not have a man as a friend, let alone a partner, if his view of women was that he paid them to service him for sex.

It's him with the problem. He has a warped idea of what sex is.

NarkedPuffin · 23/03/2012 07:24

Changing the locks and emptying joint accounts is legally unsound, however right it might feel.

Please get some good legal advice and a medical check up. And don't take on the blame he is trying to place on you for his behaviour.

AnyFucker · 23/03/2012 07:35

how are you today, op

Goawaybob · 23/03/2012 07:37

I'm sorry but i really don't think you should tell his parents. Its not their fault that he has done this, it would break their hearts i'm sure, and to do that to score points off of him wouldn't be fair.

Now is about getting him out of your life and rebuilding.

There is someone on this thread who has taken her DH back after he used prostitutes, so don't feel that you couldnt do that - i couldn't and i have to admire the poster who did that. I just couldn't get it out of my head. We go through enough in life, to be betrayed by our partner is totally unacceptable.

AnyFucker · 23/03/2012 07:44

the problem with keeping secrets for men like this, is that you don't get the support you need and deserve

you get comments like "but he's such a good man, what is wrong with her "

"why are you throwing your family away for something minor?" (because you have to tell them something else to explain why you cannot stand him within 50 yards of you)

I would tell everybody. Make him face the consequences. Men like this have everyone else running around covering up their dirty little life. I simply would not do him that favour.

Unless of course, you would consider staying with a person who does this to you, in which case you don't tell a soul and live a lie for the rest of your life. Some people can do that.

Abitwobblynow · 23/03/2012 08:04

Bag, so sorry for your devastation. This stuff just hurts, so much.

fiventhree · 23/03/2012 08:18

There are a couple of books about this sort of thing,and the view is that family and friends should be told,so he faces it and you get the support you need.

Poor you.

ToothbrushThief · 23/03/2012 08:24

I agree with telling family and friends. Sometimes the problem needs other people's views to make everyone recognise it as a problem

Bucharest · 23/03/2012 08:26

What everyone else has said.

Sorry for you OP.

shotinfoot · 23/03/2012 08:29

A friend of mine was in this situation and she told everybody the real reason she kicked him out. She was very dignified about it.

If he is ashamed, them he shouldn't have done it.

Telling his parents is up to you. I would, but even if not you DEFINITELY need to tell you friends and family.

You have nothing to be ashamed of and need their support.

Good luck.

Fairenuff · 23/03/2012 08:29

I agree with telling family if they will be supportive. If you try to keep it a secret, you unwillingly become part of the problem, almost accepting what has happened and helping to cover it up.

I probably would not tell friends unless you can be absolutely certain they can keep it to themselves. I would probably say he has been unfaithful several times with different women throughout the relationship and now that I have found out I want nothing more to do with him, something like that. Everyone will understand.

The fact that he is still trying to justify himself says it all really. He's only sorry he got caught. He's only sorry because he knows what he's thrown away. It's all about him still. No doubt he will try harder yet to make you 'forgive' him. Not sure how you can forgive something he is trying to defend. Has he even said sorry? It's all my fault? Or is he still blaming you, the children and now her/them?

Chippychop · 23/03/2012 08:39

Sink away as much cash as you can secretly seek legal advice about keepin kids and house. Get angry, don't feel sorry for yourself it's not your fault you are still gorgeous. Take him for all he's got. You could do with him keeping his job though so you can extort as much cash as possible from him. Time to get tough!

BoffinMum · 23/03/2012 09:05

Definitely get it out in the open, but behave with complete dignity. (I was always impressed with how Hillary Clinton held it together, for example, and Nicole Kidman).

I think people will be very sympathetic when they realise why he has been booted out, and you'll get a lot more support in rebuilding things for your children. He may be their father but he certainly hasn't behaved like it.

I hate to mention it, but I think it would be worth talking to your GP and getting really thorough STI tests to make sure he hasn't passed anything on to you. They will certainly be familiar with this situation.

PostBellumBugsy · 23/03/2012 09:23

Oh my goodness Bagpuss - those revelations from your H are so awful. My heart goes out to you. You'll get lots of good advice on here. Big hugs to you.

Original poster
bagpus77 · 23/03/2012 10:55

Thank you so much for all your advise. I think I will take the children away for a few weeks to my parent's home in france to get away. I spoke to him last night and said the way I was feeling was that I felt violated and sick. I am going to have an Std check this afternoon but he swears blind that he always used a condom and that all escorts insist on this. I guess he knows a lot of them the filth of it.
They gave him head without a condom and I never knew this but they kissed. The mouth that kisses my children to bed each night.
unknown member: how did your husband have unprotected sex with a hooker? Why on earth would he do this? Have you been tested? Do I tell my doctor everything and shame myself?

OP posts:
greygirl · 23/03/2012 11:33

Oh bagpuss I have to say that you should get yourself tested, and you should go to a GUM clinic because you will be tested for everyhting. Gps can't do all the tests (for example for syphillis). Go and see your GP for some emotional support if you want. Tell your Gp and the clinic everything. You will not be 'shaming yourself'. What have you done?
HE has slept with prostitutes, HE has chested on you, HE has lied. HE will be shamed. You have been faithful, trusting and a good mother.

I would tell his parents, so they understand it is their son who has caused the devastation in your family, not you.

This is very difficult, I am so sorry. BUT GET YOURSELF TESTED. for EVERYTHING.

and have a hug from me.

KarmaK · 23/03/2012 11:35

Bagpus, you are doing the right thing by leaving him. I'm so sorry this happened to you!

BoffinMum · 23/03/2012 11:44

Do not listen to a word he is saying about the STIs. This man has proved himself to be unreliable. Get yourself tested anyway. France sounds a great idea.

mummytime · 23/03/2012 11:45

Just be careful about leaving your house, please get some legal advice on this.

BoffinMum · 23/03/2012 11:47

Ah yes, that's a thought ... what does everyone else think about that?

Hullygully · 23/03/2012 11:47

oh pore pore pore you