Fuck Him and his Barbour - dating chat 10

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New thread - you know what to do :)

he does sound like rather an anxious puppy!

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Urgh to needy texters - so dull.

yeah - he hasnt text me today though, so may have pulled it back :)
OR - may have vanished - lol

Hi all,
Looking for a bit of help here.
Haven't dated in a few years and want to get out there!
MLM - you mentioned "the code" can you tell me where to find it?
Also anyone who has met someone nice recently, can you tell me how - internet dating, intro from mates, bumped into them in a pub/supermarket etc?
I'm not a spring chicken but not past it either! 40+, , chatty and friendly, own house and car, bit overweight so have lost some of the confidence I had in the past. I've a 15 yr old DD so babysitting not really a problem.
Most of my friends (and of theirs) are all coupled up so no single men in my immediate social group.
BTW there is someone I kind of like but I don't want to put all my eggs in one basket. We have mutual friends on FB and meet through a particular group now and again (every 6 mths or so), but it's definitely not at the stage for me to make overtures yet (could be very awkward as there are a lot of mutual connections). Perhaps if I have something else on the horizon though I might get the confidence to make a move?
Anyway you all talk a lot of sense so I am going to make you my dating Yodas!
Thanks!

Ok team... my recycled Oasis/PoF person has gone quiet, but she has a good excuse... an old medical problem that she thought was sorted - but her latest smear test showed that it isn't. She had an appointment with her specialist on Wednesday, I sent a text that morning: "Just saying a quick hi and that I'm thinking good thoughts for you". She responded with "Thanks. Going to bed. Talk soon." I texted her Thursday with "Hi gorgeous. Hope you're ok. Talk if/when you're ready?" Her reply last night was "Sorry Rob. Not feeling well. Talk soon."

So the question is do I send another text tomorrow or just leave it up to her to her to make contact again? My daughter is of the "Treat 'em mean - keep 'em keen" school of thought and says leave it to her to make contact. Two weeks ago I had nothing, then I/we had some good days... take it as a bonus. Having been in the position of facing terminal illness I know at the time part of me wanted to talk and another part of me wanted all the well-meaning pricks who were going to live while I was going to die to bugger off and leave me alone. So without going all Griffin and Phoenix we have illness as well as the usual crap that goes with this being her first potential relationship in 10 years. Pennies for thoughts team?

I'd say dont treat her mean!!!
she's ill
perhaps just a short friendly text in a day or two, to let her know you care and are there for her if she wants to be in contact? :)

Poppa personally I would leave it a bit longer. You've shown concern, and she's said 'talk soon', so that would say to me she will get back to you. Just my opinion mind.

THE DATING CODE!

1. Never date a friend ex partner.
2. Never meet someone you dont know remotely (its okay once you know the person though for cheeky antics)
3. Make sure someone knows where you will be, what time home, or expect a text by x time to say your okay.
4. Make sure its familiar territory to you, so if needed you can get out quick and know where you are going.
5. Never let them walk/drive you home.
6. Never give them the opportunity to follow you home.
7. Dont diclose addresses etc, keep it loose, ie south east london, not too far from greenwich in my case (about an hour and a half when i move )
8. Dont expect too much from a date.
9. Be choosy with who you give your number too.

10. Sometimes nicknames can be less traceable 11. LIVE LAUGH LOVE! 12. Dont tell the ex! EVER EVER EVER In my case!

News as to me.....well none as such OTHER THAN MY DIVORCE PETITION AHS COME THROUGH. YAY!!!!! finally a fucking free woman no more shit I feel good about it and I seriously did not feel smug it was me that done it

That's good MLM you're a free woman now!

I know and free to date! So happy. Actually i am not free, i am completely expensive and well worth it. LOL.

Congratulations MLM!

Thank you snape

How is the dating world going for you?

MLM thanks a mill - I particularly like no 11!

hi, so I went out to meet first ever person from POF. he was nice enough although no chemistry / clicks (do you feel chemistry straight away?) he wasnt bad lookinate just didn't fancy him! at the end he asked if we could meet again and I didn't dare say no to his face! he keeps on messaging me multiple times throughout the day and I don't answer as I've said im at work ( I could reply but dont)
how do I get out of this one? I told him I didn't know when I would be able to get out again for second date and I'd let him know.
do I need to toughen up a bit?!
thankyou :-)

Hi Tollys. From a male perspective it's better to get a short, polite, unambiguous message saying there won't be a second date than to be left hanging and hoping.

Well my last date, like i said he was lovely, but nothing in teh sort of sexual chemistry department, although i feel it was mutual anyway, and we agreed on friends, we still message each other, though not often on msn and an occasional text, but we know we arent really right for each other.

I would rather know than be left hanging too, i dont think its nice whether you are male or female. Maybe just message him saying that although you felt no chemistry, you would like to remain in touch and see where things lead to. I put that actually on my profile,that i wanted to meet someone new for friendship and see where it leads. You arent misleading him that way, you are saying that you like him as a person, just not sure whether it can ever be a relationship. Everyone knows where they stand and no one is getting led on.

Says she who must remember to take her own advice if it ever happens to her! Which lets face it probably wont, cos lets face it i always fancy them more than they do me!

tolly, i find it hard to say no to someones face!
I usually say, i'm not sure, i'll get back to you.
Hopefully the fact that i've avoided flirting with him will have made him realise i wasnt interested.
If he texts me afterwards i'll tell him politely that i didnt feel any chemistry and prefer to leave things.

I do hate being put on the spot like that tho..but thye pretty much always seem to do it :(

A sure sign is at the end of the date when they shake your hand rather than even a peck. :(

Poppa, leave it a little longer. I hope your friend gets better.

Tolly, I'm a coward and don't like being so direct so usually just stop replying to texts.

Onthebottom, I'm dating someone nice and we first met in a nightclub 20 years ago, then a fews years later, then bumped into each other 2 years ago.

Tollys- kick him to the curb. No point in wasting each others time. :)

No news from me, I'm firmly in a cba phase. If someone glorious messages me, i'll respond, but I can't be bothered fishing just now. :)

Update: She texted me tonight. Turns out she'd picked up a chest bug and has been sweating it out on antibiotics for 3 days but she's on the mend. No mention of the other health issues. Exchanged a few texts and they were all very normal and chatty so I'm quietly confident things are ok. I spent the day with my daughter and my disfunctional stepson and his two infant offspring so I got nothing done but it was an ok day.

All i have done today is text and packing and a little shopping this morning. I am a bit of a chicken with feelings too, and rarely tell anyone how i am actually feeling,

Can I join? I've been dating a guy for about a month and could do with a pep talk sometimes I think. Separated from my ExH in October 2009 and this is the first guy I've dated since. I have a habit of over thinking things

Hello Tea nice to 'see' you!