Fuck Him and his Barbour - dating chat 10

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New thread - you know what to do :)

sponge - hmmm, i can see where you are coming from, id partly want to give him another chance, but then part of me wonders how on earth did he fall asleep, when he thought he had a hot date with some woman ( IN HER HOUSE, indicating at least some kissing, or chance of...) most men would be rather excited about that, and falling asleep just wouldnt happen.
And then the fact that he left it a few days ' for you to calm down' is quite patronising.

Actually, theres your answer. you are better than that :)

also - what do you lot think of this?

Sats date asked if i would be willing to continue the date to dinner/ film/ something else, should the pub bit go well.

I said i didnt know and we would see, but i think hes taken it as green.

Then he sent me a long text explaining that if i was concerned he was looking for just a one night stand ( as we had been flirting) that he really didnt, and was looking to build a relationship.

So- overly keen and a little clumbsy?

or - trying to get into my pants asap?

Seeing as there has been no sexual comments made im inclinded to think its the first?

PostBellumBugsy, the "friends" talk is indeed a total kick in the nuts, but if we're on dating sites we put ourselves out there so we expect it. I've kept in touch with a few people I met on Oasis or PoF post the "friends" talk and as passing acquaintances it can work, just don't expect him to be over the moon at the prospect of having a new friend as opposed to the possibility of a relationship that he was hoping for.

I think I'd let that go as just overly keen, but see how it pans out from now - I had one before who made no dodgy comments, seemed really nice, then from about 24 hrs before our date seemed to be trying to get some agreement to it ending in sex. and when I spelled it out that wouldn't be happening cancelled on me

As to me, the more I think about it the more I suspect that he simply just bottled coming over here (there was definitely more than kissing on the cards, he is a lot younger than me, has had issues etc). I'm so tempted to give him another chance though, despite thinking he may let me down again - lust and stupid chemistry has a lot to answer for

watch, the short portly date from last night had tried to get me to commit to dinner after drinks. I have a good catch all for that one - which is "I'll see what I can get the babysitter to agree to". Don't declare what the babysitter agreed to until the night itself & then you can decide what you want to do.
The fact that you may not have your DC /DCs doesn't matter - he doesn't know that!!!!
I sent the "friends" email. Feel like a bitch, as I did like him. But it would be even more evil to string him along.

Ok, so email pings back that he liked my company anyway & is happy to take me out to dinner on a platonic basis!
I'm thinking yes - but stick to a weekday night. Clearly there is a free meal at an exorbitantly expensive restaurant in it for me - I'm wondering about his motives. Any thoughts?

i have no idea.
tbh - me, personally, would feel incrediably guilty with someone paying for a meal for me. I just couldnt do it. If you really want to follow the friend thing though, id maybe suggest something a little cheaper, or free! Unless he is hoping you might change your mind??

Im not agreeing to furthering the date, im a bit wiser than that, ive just said we can see how things go.

sponge - if you are ok with the fact that he might do it again, or might kiss/shag and run - and you can deal with the fall out, then yes, go for it ( damn hormones :) ) but, if you think you are likely to be hurt, then dont, protect yourself.

Watch, he's loaded, so from a financial perspective, I don't have an issue with him paying - it is what the paying implies. Shall have a think!

My babysitter thing is just a handy "coverall" because it means that you can bugger off without it being a big deal. I think you are probably more straight talking than me - so I'm probably projecting my own inability to tell it as it is, where I shouldn't!!! Back to your issue, I would say it is a keen attempt to make a full evening of it/you, rather than trying to get into your pants - specially as this is the demure you!

I'd feel awkward about the meal being paid for too, it would be more about what was implied though tbh.

Watch you're right I need to think about how I would feel if he did it again (which there is probably a chance of). I don't know what it is about him, he is very unsuitable, and far too young BUT.... I'm not going to decide yet, I can't see him this weekend anyway. Hopefully by next week the lust may have faded somewhat and hopefully not got worse

I had a lovely platonic male friend once - I suspect he might have liked me in a potential relationship/sexual way; but I made it very clear from the start that whilst I enjoyed his copmpany, this was not an option. he used to buy me dinner - not really a question of that being a kind of escorty type arrangement where I would receive goods in return for my company - it was simply that I was struggling for cash and he had a fairly healthy wallet.

Then of course, he got a girlfriend, I was dropped like a ton of bricks and I never saw him again. He married, we lost contact. Of course, I miss him.

post If the guy wants to buy you dinner, let him. As long as there is no subtext and you clearly wouldn't feel beholden to blow him for a lobster thermidor.

watch I'm going with clumsy and keen. he'll love the 'demure' stuff.

'Clearly there is a free meal at an exorbitantly expensive restaurant in it for me - I'm wondering about his motives. Any thoughts?'

you know what they say about free lunches...aint no such thing

Watch, I would just keep to the original time slot you arranged then see him for longer on the next date. I don't think him suggesting this means he is looking for a promise.

Postp, hmm not sure. I am all for being treated but it does get a bit awkward as friends normally split the bill, it can also turn nasty. I have had experience of this.

LOL Snape - I've blown for less!!! But I know exactly what you (and everyone else) is saying. That's what I don't want to get run into. Some sense of obligation because he is going to throw money at me!
I'm also wondering if there is any point & if I'll just feel slightly awkward as adamschic has pointed out. Hmmmm, shall think some more.

watch i would let that go as overly keen (but probably also wants to get in your pants) and maybe actually wants a relationship (SHOCK HORROR)

Post i always feel guilty about anyone buying me anything, even if on a date, i always want to take it in turns, but some men are like, well i asked you out, i am taking you out, so i am paying!! I knew someone like that once. I was only a teenager though, so drinks consisted of a can of coke in the local cafe! hardly bank breaking!

One of closest and dearest friends is a young lady I met on a date. She made it clear that sex was off the menu, and we took it from there. :) It wasn't a massive kick in the plums, as she's waaaaay out of my league. :o

nickolas glad not all men are just in it for the sex. Some want more than that, just like i do! I want a relationship, NOT A MARRIAGE! But not a one night stand either!

The way I see it is I gained a really good friend. And so did she.

Nicholas, the key to this friendship is that you fancy the pants off her though. Just maybe, you are hoping she will realise that you are the one for her and not one of those other men she prefers to date. This is being typed in a jokey, whimsy manner btw I'm not meaning to be horrible.

That's good to hear Nicholas. I haven't responded to his email. I'm just going to wait & see if he gets in touch again.

Adams, I don't see it like that at all. We live over 100 miles apart now, she has a partner, and has done for at least 3 years, he is a decent sort who complements her. I am definitely not the one for her. :o I don't want to be with her because that wouldn't make her happy. That for me is the important thing.

Nicholas, that's sort of sweet.

a while ago I was e-mail friends with a guy I got chatting to on a dating site, I didnt fancy him but quite enjoyed the odd chat via e-mail msn.
I thought it would be 'safe' to be friends because he was over 100 miles away and I'd made it clear I was only interested in meeting people who were local.

But it just didnt work because he was constantly suggesting that he should drive down and meet me, then would get a bit annoyed when I wouldnt agree.
He appeared to think that because my profile had me as looking for a casual arrangement I shouldnt be too choosy about who it was with.

I have found this alot, men who think that, because I've said I'm not looking for a relationship and man will do.
Truth is I'm not interested unless I find him very attractive...mostly when I meet the bloke want to sneer and walk off
that would be horrid
but it might be better than the awful 45 minutes of mind numbing small talk

correction
'because I've said I'm not looking for a relationship any man will do.'

loves - yeah they do tend to think that. When im looking for fwb thats what i get, and im the same as you, i NEED to fancy them, problem being, i dont actually fancy many men.

postbel - decided any futher?

Sponge- buy a new vibrator :) should help! lol

I need help - ive got the jitters about sat. he phoned me last night and we had a talk,mostly ok, few quiet pauses... but got on well.Then he text me after to say that he thinks we are 'onto a winner' on sat.

I clearly have issues because nothing panicks me more. To the point of thinking about cancelling.

HELP!!!

Don't cancel, just go and see and keep it brief if you don't like him as much as he likes you. Or if you are really getting bad vibes then cancel.