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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Fuck Him and his Barbour - dating chat 10

999 replies

watchoutforthatsnail · 16/03/2012 10:00

New thread - you know what to do :)

OP posts:
adamschic · 30/03/2012 22:34

Time :) x

TimeForMeAndDD · 30/03/2012 22:35
Smile
lovesineffable · 30/03/2012 22:42

yep..screw your courage to the sticking place woman! :)

MyLittleMiracle · 31/03/2012 08:58

Have to agree, life is a risk every day, even when you dont realise it! But thats life for you so go for it, enjoy it and be prepared to get hurt, pick yourself up, dust yourself off and try again......if at first you dont succeeed.........

I am, trying all over again, starting from scratch! And guess what, today i find out when i can actually move into my new hone Grin Grin , so happy!

Tollysfolly · 31/03/2012 09:27

little miracle.. you were right about where the blocking is. will he know I've blocked him? do I just disappear from his conversations now?
the date I'm meeting up with after easter has put a diff picture on. I'm not sure I like the look of him in that one! but we get on well in our daily emails; so I may just be being a bit superficial ?

MyLittleMiracle · 31/03/2012 09:53

Nope notsuperficial at all. The chap i was supposed to be meeting has text me this morning to say he has met someone. :( Great, life is such a bitch just as i thought everything was going right!

watchoutforthatsnail · 31/03/2012 11:35

rob- i agree with time. AS ever, she speaks perfect sense.

jarvis - what did yoiu decide to do, i like the idea of replying, not saying its you, and gaining some insight into what hes thinking before confronting him. Mind you, it would put me off dating him anymore, so its up to you if you think its even worth it.

MLM - fab news about the house. Sorry about your date, BUT, as we have all said before, yoiu cannot be exclusive before you have even met someone, you cant know what their intentions are, depsite what they might tell you, and there you were calling him every day, using up your mins, when he was claiming no credit, when in fact he was boffing someone else. Dont let them to it to you. Keep your guard up, dont trust what they say until you get to know them. I dont want that to sound horrible, but its only because we have all been there before, which is why we keep telling you, and will continue to keep telling you. You thought you had found someone who wanted more than just sex, when in fact he couldnt have cared less and shagged someone else. Harsh, but true. Protect yourself from men doing this to you, and dont let it happen again.

OP posts:
Milkandlotsofwineplease · 31/03/2012 12:20

Morning all,

I may be in need of an internet Brew. Last night I was incredibly -stupid brave, and asked out the manager from my local that I've been panting over lustfully admiring from afar for months.

He turned me down Sad So bloody humiliating, and I feel like utter shite today. Maybe I am hideously ugly, and nobody has got the heart to tell me? Worse thing is I love going to that bar. It's mine and my flatmates favorite place to hang out. I'm going to have to get a bag to wear over my head when I go there from now on.

samhaircin · 31/03/2012 12:57

Milk that was brave of you. You should be proud of yourself that you took a chance. I don't think you need to be embarrased. He is probably complimented. There could be a lot of reasons he said no. DONT ASSUME THERE IS ANYTHING WRONG WITH YOU. You might just not be his type, or he might have his eye on someone else, or he might just be out of a relationship and want a break. It could be anything.

MLM I know you must be dissapointed but at least he told you. I think it is better not to invest too much time or emotion before meeting someone. Even if they are not lying they might not be what you expected, or you might not be one anothers type, or you might turn out to want different things, or there is a million other reasons it might not go anywhere

Internet dating can be a bit fickle and people on it can behave like unreliable flakes so unfortunately having one's guard up and erring on the side of caution, and not getting too hopeful at the beginning, seems safer in the long run. I think it is better not to assume anything much before meeting someone, and even then they really need to prove they are trustworthy over time.

I know you are moving and hope you can get out a bit and make some friends there, as I think there might be a danger if you feel isolated in your new place that you might become too reliant on dating to fullfill friendship needs as well. This might lead to a lot of heart-ache (as every dating situation gone south might feel like a big blow) but also there might be a danger of putting up with bad behaviour if you feel too reliant on a relationship for company.

I felt a bit with my own life I could become overly reliant on a relationship so I decided to take time out from dating and work on a few other things in my life (including nurturing some new friendships) and will get back into dating once I have sorted out my own life out a bit more.

I think this will make the dating less frustrating as well. If dates are a disaster I have people to laugh about it with, but more importantly I will be less inclined to put up with any shitty behaviour if I have some solid friendships to lean on (and ones that can point out if they notice I am getting into a bad relationship). Sorry if I am projecting my own issues on to you here, but i can just see the potential danger of being a bit overly reliant on relationships for friendship and socialising if you are in an isolated situation socially.

lovesineffable · 31/03/2012 13:02

well done Milk for having the gumption, I guess men must have to deal with it all the time, if they can cope so can we:)
If you had the guts to do it I'm sure you have the guts to front it out and act like it didnt happen/didnt matter.

As Sam says you have no idea why he declined, most likely it's nothing to do with you so try and put it behind you:)

samhaircin · 31/03/2012 13:03

PS Poppa Rob, that one sounds like a bit of a head-wrecker. I wouldn't give her too much benefit of the doubt but maybe meet up with her to talk to her and tell her she is sending you confusing mixed signals? If she keeps it up after that I would bin.

Milkandlotsofwineplease · 31/03/2012 13:14

Thanks loves and Sam I guess it was brave of me really, but I can't help feeling like a right berk in the sober cold light of day.

I guess this is what happens when you set your sights on really beautiful men though. They usually turn out to be knobbers! Sad

He didn't even say "No", he said "Maybe", WTF is that even supposed to mean? Worse of all his friend came over to say goodbye to him whilst I was talking, and went "Wow, she's gorgeous". So I jokingly said, "See, your friend thinks I'm nice, so that means you should definitely let me take you out". To which he just kept replying "maybe". What a tit!Angry

Milkandlotsofwineplease · 31/03/2012 13:16

Oh, and great last post by the way sam Your approach to dating is very sensible. In fact, I may have to put some of your wise advice into action in my own life.

lovesineffable · 31/03/2012 13:34

'maybe'!!
wft??
he had his chance and he blew it
sounds like an arrogant tosser who thinks he can string you along.
If I was in your shoes I'd consider my offer to be now withdrawn

Milkandlotsofwineplease · 31/03/2012 13:48

I know loves, I couldn't believe it! I would rather a straight no to be honest. I felt like I was begging him by going "Well is that a yes or a no?"

On reflection it wasn't the best of timing. He was working, and I was pissed as a newt somewhat merry. No excuse for him being a dick though. I would be really flattered if somebody was brave enough to ask me out like that!

It's all just very disappointing reallySad

lovesineffable · 31/03/2012 13:51

being pissed is the perfect excuse, you had 'beer goggles' on!
had you been sober you wouldnt look twice @ him, being as you are way out of his league Wink Grin

Milkandlotsofwineplease · 31/03/2012 13:54

If only that were true loves. Sadly I've been eyeing him up for months, and he is also beautiful in the cold, sober light of day.

Unfortunately he's also a bell endAngry

lovesineffable · 31/03/2012 13:58

..and you just know he'll be rubbish in bed, a man who thinks women should worship him is no use to anyone..so no loss really :)

Milkandlotsofwineplease · 31/03/2012 15:01

loves, I would have been happy to train him up Wink

Ok, another question. Before the total debacle of Mr Maybe last night there was another (hot) guy who came over to talk to me. He was clearly an utter player, but probably good for a shag night out, and he seemed very keen. He gave me his business card (SmoothWink) with his mobile, and email on. Do I get in touch or not? I'm not sure if my ego can take another bloody rejection at the minute. On the other hand I still can't help thinking nothing ventured and all that.

Opinions gratefully received.

ParsleyTheLioness · 31/03/2012 15:24

If he gave you his card, he wants you to call him...

Milkandlotsofwineplease · 31/03/2012 15:26

You would think that Parsley, but the way things are going currently I will probably get a reply going, "I can't remember you" Sad

ParsleyTheLioness · 31/03/2012 15:39

Ok, then. Email?

ParsleyTheLioness · 31/03/2012 15:41

Email template, adjust as you see fit.:Hi,we met in Posh Bar Location last weeken (because you are going to leave it a few days aren't you). I'm the one with dark bobbed hair. Fancy going for a drink sometime?

Milkandlotsofwineplease · 31/03/2012 15:45

Yes that could work. Possibly with a picture of myself attached to jog his memory Grin

Yes, I will definitely leave it a few days either way. My ego isn't up to another rejection at the moment.

ParsleyTheLioness · 31/03/2012 15:51

I was thinking about not looking too keen!