Sensitive question about H

[ThreeLittlePandas]

I've been putting off asking this because I'm scared of what your answers might be. I'm really evaluating my relationship with h atm and wondering wether to leave him and I think the answer to my question might heavily influence my decision.

in advance.

Dh and I rarely have sex. When we do it is rather boring but he is considerate.

The other evening I went to bed early as I was desperately tired. I was woken a few hours later my dh who had his fingers in me. I was heavily asleep and by the time I realised what was happening he was having sex with me. He finished quickly and that was it. I really hadn't wanted to have sex and feel like I wasn't given an option. The next day I felt a bit angry and almost violated to be honest.

I'm not looking for anything other than an opportunity to talk this through because it's been bothering me. This is about the third time in the last couple of years that something like this has happened.

Still reading. And thinking.

Quint, I do take medication that makes me sleepy. It always takes me a while to come round.

A relationship does not mean there is a blanket permission to have sex anytime the other party feel like it.

MumofJizz of whatever, you are hideously inaproppriate and should stop posting on this thread now if you have any decency or self awareness at all.

I think you should accept that you are not helping on this particular thread mumofjz and are actually posting some alarming and possibly damaging rape myths.

I'm sure there must be other threads that interest you and would be grateful for your particular sort of advice.

She didn't have a chance to tell him to F OFF at the time Mumofjz, she said that! She had already told him in advance not to do it. What else is she supposed to do, wear a chastity belt, stay awake all night?

Well, at least it is not him slipping you a pill.

mumofjz, you are a walking, talking ball of rape myths

educate yourself

I am of the opinion if ANYONE touches you sexually without your consent, then that is sexual assault.

That's the way the law sees it as well.

Op have you used the term rape when you speak to your dh? If he is genuinely sorry that might make him realise what he is doing.

I had an incident with my dh a few years back, he was upset and even more so when I told him it was rape, he was horrified when he realised. Nothing like that had happened again.

I wonder if mumofjz is going to recommend what a poor previous poster did who was subject these sexual assaults as she slept ?

she went to bed fully clothed

So you'd said you didn't like/want it previously, he knows you take meds, and he's doing it anyway Pandas not getting any better. He knows it's wrong. So do you.....

But if he knows you take medication that makes you sleep deeply and take a while to wake up, and he takes advantage of that to rape you in your sleep...in my view that's not a million miles away from drugging you on purpose.

Does he know your medication has these effects?

If so, do you genuinely think he's a 'good person'?

Dunno which is worse 'jz' being male or female...

How are you doing ThreeLittlePandas. It might help to get your thoughts out, even if you feel they don't make sense. There are sensible people here willing to listen, ignore the idiots.

mumofjiz, you obviously haven't read the thread properly. Thwe OP said (as did I) that when this happened to her, she was barely conscious and only came around properly as it was all almost over. Have you ever had this happen to you? It is hideous. The feeling of waking up and reliasing something is happening to your body without your consent and with no control over it. Awful.

I dont think the OP had a chance to tell her H to eff off (she was barely awake) but she DID ask him never to do it again...which he ignored. This is exactly what happened to me. My ex did it, I told him not to, he did it again, I tried to understand why he might be doing it and 'forgave' him, he did it again and again...and I left.

My ex is a rapist. I knew that when I left him, but it turns out he had raped before and he has raped since.

Stop defending the indefensible.

Agreed Wanna.

TBH Anyfucker I am actually starting to think, that what with the We Believe You campaign gathering pace and publicity, it is likely that we will see more posters who want to argue and score points on the tears of rape victims.

It's abhorrent, obviously, but something I think the boards are going to be prone to for a little while until these myths and those that blame the victims understand that this is probably not the place for them.

I think it's probably best to challenge, report then ignore them while still supporting the victims. Also that way I one won't get deleted.

x posted with wannabe's far more succint post!

you ok pandas??

yes, shirls and wannabe, post reported

AF - hope you don't mind, I have sent you a PM.

Obviously this has distressed you OP and that is not okay.

But I'd be a little cautious of everyone on here saying that its rape.

You say that apart from this he is a great guy? (Sorry, haven't read every post)

My DH often wakes up, wants to have sex and sort of 'starts' which wakes me up. It's not vicious and alarming, its more cuddly and sleepy. If i'm knackered and want to go to sleep I say no, and he stops. And other times I say nothing and let it happen, but in no way consider it rape.

Did you say No? Or does your DH feel like mine does - in that perhaps he thinks you like it?

I really really do not mean to be insensitive, but rape is a serious thing and if you really truly think that is what your DH has done to you, then follow some of the great advice you've got on here, but think first if it really is rape? Do you want to leave him?

I'm ok. Just ignoring the idiots.

H does know the meds make me sleepy.

Sorry I'm not saying much. Just reading everything and have been having a look at the rape crisis website. I might phone them but it will be Friday before I am able to because people will be here the next few days when they are open.

Don't worry about not saying much, just wanted to check you're ok.