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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Why do men find girl on girl so much of a turn on?......

312 replies

oreoaddict · 13/03/2012 17:59

Hi everyone

Was just wondering really because when me and dp first got together he said that he didn't get it. Now though, he finds it a real turn on and just wondered why.

Women don't usually find the idea of 2 men together a turn on...........I think anyway.

Any thoughts? Would be great to hear from a mans point of view.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 14/03/2012 12:13

The power of the mighty cock eh ?

OnTheFreeway · 14/03/2012 12:14

There's a difference between slash and gay porn, though. Slash is usually written by and for women, so it's a fantasy, unreal version of two men having sex. Often, one or both participants is portrayed as usually being straight, and this is the exception... there can be a lot of angst, etc. Some of it (albeit not my bag!) involves romance rather than sex.

Tbh it's probably the closest equivalent of pretend-lesbian-snogging in clubs, the difference being that it isn't real people involved. (Often it's fictional characters from TV shows.)

SparkyMcSparrow · 14/03/2012 12:19

oreo I am straight! I like men! I do enjoy looking a women though, more often than not if I am out walking around town then I will notice the women. In fact I can't remember looking at a man and thinking "Phwoar, your hot" unless he was a celeb of some sorts excluding dh of course .

If a woman came on to me then I would enjoy it and if it went further then great, dh would not have a problem whether he was there or not. Maybe we are slightly odd. Hmm

I am wondering if after admitting all that, if people would think I was bi?
I couldn't have a relationship with a woman it would never be more than fun, I have had more sexual experience with men which in my head makes me straight!
I am sexually attracted to women where as with men its more long term attractiveness. Does any of that make sense. Tis hard to explain!

SlightlyJaded · 14/03/2012 12:27

Exactly AF

I am sure most men who get off on lesbiatronics imagine that it's all a bit of a precursor to the 'real deal'.

And actually they are all having the same fantasy really - that they will be the supplier of the 'mighty cock grand finale'.

AnyFucker · 14/03/2012 12:28

sparky, you are bi

is that a revelation to you ? Grin

SparkyMcSparrow · 14/03/2012 12:29

Quite possibly AF Grin

SparkyMcSparrow · 14/03/2012 12:31

Imo I am straight, maybe other people see it differently Grin

oreoaddict · 14/03/2012 12:48

Like I said before sparky, that's exactly how i'm feeling. Straight, not wanting to be in a relationship with another woman, but find myself being drawn to a very select few. God, it's like you're speaking my mind!! When you say that you don't very often find men in the street or on TV attractive, but you will occasionally notice women, that's exactly how I feel. If a woman came on to me though, although (if i found her attractive) I would be excited, I think I would see it as cheating anyway and we don't have an open relationship and it sounds as though you do, which is great if it works for you. I really wish I could just get it out of my system though. Just to see. I haven't experimented enough in my opinionGrin I'm only 27.

Goodness!! Sexuality is a complicated thing

OP posts:
oreoaddict · 14/03/2012 12:51

I wonder though, if I did "kiss a girl and like it!!"(again)Grin then actually would dp see it the same as if i'd kissed another guy?....

OP posts:
SparkyMcSparrow · 14/03/2012 12:55

Would like to clarify that dh and I don't have a open relationship. He would hit the roof if I slept with another man, vice versa him with another woman. Its more a same sex thing. And it hasn't happened yet .

oreoaddict · 14/03/2012 12:59

Oh ok sorry. Was just assuming that that's what you meant. So did you just both make some sort of agreement that it was ok to have sex with someone else, as long as they were the same sex? Wow! I've never heard of that. I wonder if i could convince my dp?

OP posts:
SparkyMcSparrow · 14/03/2012 13:07

Not really a agreement as such, we talk alot about sex stuff and he bought it up. He would love a threesome, but I'm abit worried about the consequences after. I would if we were away from home (holiday for instance) and there was a pretty good chance of her never popping up one day declaring her love iyswim. Thing is we never go away.
I would be happy for him to be with another man, but he's not into it so it won't happen.

My dh is very comfortable with all things sex, I think he thinks a bit differently to the average guy. For example. My ex was point blank against any sort of sex toy, he said "Why would you need that when you have me" Hmm . Dh says "Why would I be jealous of a bit of plastic, it just heightens my pleasure as much as yours because I can see that you enjoy it. Its not like a vibrating bit of plastic and a cock can be compared they are just different ways of getting pleasure" . I think they way dh thinks so we work.

Confused
SparkyMcSparrow · 14/03/2012 13:09

Also that neither of us see a member of the same sex as a threat, just as a possible extension of our sex life. He knows I would never leave him for a woman because I'm straight Grin

AnyFucker · 14/03/2012 13:10

sparky, your ex was a bit of a dick, not an example of an "average guy"

not that your current bloke isn't wonderful of course Smile

SparkyMcSparrow · 14/03/2012 13:13

He was a dick AF Grin but I have spoken to a lot of men who feel the same. I don't think men feel comfortable with anything like that until they are happily settled down and secure with themselves. Possibly older men?

And yes I do love him [soppy emotion] Grin

SparkyMcSparrow · 14/03/2012 13:14

All my opinon of course

oreoaddict · 14/03/2012 13:19

Yeah actually dp gets a bit confused when I suggest we use a toy. He'll do it and he's a very selfless lover, but I don't think he gets why. But then maybe he doesn't really care as long as we're both enjoying it.

Would your dh flip if you wanted to be with another women on your own? Sorry to be asking such to the point and personal questions, I just find all this facinating. It's great to speak to someone who kind of gets where i'm coming from.

OP posts:
oreoaddict · 14/03/2012 13:21

Just for the record, all my ex's have been dicks!Grin Thank goodness I don't think the same of dp!

OP posts:
SparkyMcSparrow · 14/03/2012 13:23

Its fine, Iv'e already said a lot more on this thread than I would have liked to so wtf! Grin

No he wouldn't mind, don't get me wrong he would love to watch, but it would turn him on something silly just thinking about what I was doing. He would very much like me to tell him all the details though. Grin

PaperBottles · 14/03/2012 13:24

There seem to be a lot of comments being made here by very straight very heterosexual women. A lot of them just read to me as not a lot pass the level of "but what do lesbians DO?" in tone. Quite a lot of judging...

I'm quite taken back by some of the comments about faux lesbianism.

Erm... why is this just about porn? Or just the influence of men, rather also having the freedom to break traditional norms. The shock value aspect says as much about women as it does about men and an undercurrent of a lack of tolerance for homosexuals. Especially when its 18 or 19 year olds you are talking about. I have to say that experimenting and rebelling are both very good ways to test boundaries, explore your own sense of self, tell the world how liberal minded you are and find out your own sexual preferences too.

Quite apart from the reasons for it being also a modern day part of growing up and self exploration for young women, I don't think this 'male pleasing' aspect is as clear cut as people seem to think it is. Not if the women are getting gawkers who are both male and female (either giving approval or disapproving). It can be attention seeking, but I don't think its just about making a show to men. I note the comments on this thread about faux lesbianism in disapproving tone. Saying "i expect she'll grow out of it soon", is slightly patronising and slightly homophobic tbh. How did you rebel as a teenager?

TheMerchantOfVenom Wed 14-Mar-12 04:21:54
Noting epitomises 18-year-old-ness quite like going bi for the boys.

Or to piss your mother and father off. Or to shock your mates. Or because when your a single insecure 18 year old comfort and being made to feel attractive by anyone isn't a confidence boost? Or because its quite nice to get a snog from someone even if you can't pull? Or because pulling your female mate who you know and trust doesn't feel 'safer' than pulling a boy you don't know very well? Or because it makes you feel part of something and close to your friend? Or cos you godforbid, actually just fancy trying it... or indeed enjoy it?

Nope its cos you are doing it for the boys...

PaperBottles · 14/03/2012 13:26

Going back to the original topic - are we talking about girl on girl only or are we talking about threesomes for starters? Or both. Bit of a difference between the two. And I think its really important to highlight the part about this being a fantasy.

G0ldenbrown Tue 13-Mar-12 18:03:48
My DH does not get it either. He says there's nothing sexy about two girls you definitely can't have.
What an odd opinion to have. Lacking in imagination. Loads of people of both sexes fantasise over Hollywood actors and actresses they know they definitely can't have...

sunshineandbooks Tue 13-Mar-12 18:23:35
Well an erstwhile best friend of mine once had a night with two women. He said it was the worst sex he ever had, since they were far more interested in each other than in him. He thought it would mean two women paying him attention instead of one, and had a bit of a rude awakening.

Here was me thinking you could have crap sex with an amazingly attract girl of your dreams and that be a massive let down too, and that crap sex wasn't just down to numbers but the individuals involved and whether they were motivated and how attracted to you they were...

CogitoErgoSometimes Tue 13-Mar-12 18:07:01
Because men confuse quantity with quality. If one naked woman is a turn-on, two must be even better
Actually not a huge lot wrong except you assume that quality comes at the expense of quantity. Not necessarily. Of course two have more attraction than one at some level.

If you are talking about threesomes, then the whole aspect of being able to attract more than one person is a confidence boost to anyone (I'm not talking about jumping into bed here. I'm talking about being asked on dates). And after that, being able to actually satisfy them both is another confidence boost. Something that is physically harder for men for obvious reasons. I'm not sure I find it unreasonable for men to fantasise about being good lovers with proven stamina. It makes sense to me.

AnyFucker Wed 14-Mar-12 10:50:09
yes, SJ, hence the catty comment about how "butch" women wouldn't be of interest at all, upthread
only young and beautiful "girls" on "girls" is the key here, isn't it ?
if I were a lesbian I would be mightily offended by the ridiculous antics of the faux lesbianators
Going to stick my neck out and make a claim that generally men do tend to like attractive girls/women more than unattractive girls/women - whether they be single, plural or lesbianating. Not really about what they are doing, being the attraction, is the point. Its about whether they fancy them in the first place which is fair enough as part of any fantasy. Fantasies are about the unobtainable or suspending reality or breaking the norm. Lets just ponder whether more women are guilty of drolling over Brad Pitt than Jeremy Paxman for a second here. Not a great deal of difference in that respect.

TBE Tue 13-Mar-12 18:08:52
I think women only having romantic relationships with other women is quite threatening to some men.
Threatening or mysterious? Don't forget we all love a mysterious film or tv programme as we simply don't fully know whats going to happen and are curious to find out.

DebbieD78 Tue 13-Mar-12 19:30:54
I think some men like it because they don't like looking at a penis.
Well quite. Even if you fancy men, lets be honest, the penis is not the most attractive part of the human body. If you are a straight man, you don't fancy men, why would you want to fantasise about any penis than your own? It seems quite logical to be more turned on by the prospect of two women doing rude things to each other imho.

oreoaddict Tue 13-Mar-12 22:26:16
I suppose really I found it interesting to hear from a males perspective to see if they really knew why, because I don't know why it turns me on when I feel like a straight woman.

Does anyone get where i'm coming from? I think maybe I should have named my thread "why are men and some straight women turned on by girl on girl action"
Because even if you are a straight woman it doesn't mean you can't see beauty and sensuality in another woman and find that attractive in them. Or be capable of imagining being with someone who knows exactly how your body works and can therefore - potentially - give you more pleasure than a man. (Fantasy is the key I think to it all) Plus as I said before penises aren't that attractive. I certainly don't find watching certain sex acts great viewing as a result.

niceguy2 Tue 13-Mar-12 22:41:05
What is it about a girl on girl which turns men on? No idea. But then I've no idea why boobs turn guys on? I mean think about it....why? I don't get it. But it just does.
Mystery and difference. Because they haven't got boobs.

oreoaddict Wed 14-Mar-12 11:56:57
I definitely agree that most men wouldn't really get anything out of watching "real lesbians" at it. Having said that, aren't we kind of assuming that "real lesbians" are always butch and masculine?.....Of course this isn't the case.
People get off on dogging. The act of watching a private act alone can be the turn on to some people.

I know someone who is shagging his best mates wife - because the husband gets off on watching someone else shagging his mrs and he trusts his mate not to run off with her!!! (I assume she enjoys this too but I've not heard that side of the story)

SparkyMcSparrow Wed 14-Mar-12 12:19:56
I am sexually attracted to women where as with men its more long term attractiveness. Does any of that make sense. Tis hard to explain!
I'm bi. I find women more physically attractive. I struggled to fancy men at all physically when in my teens and I did wonder if I was a lesbian for a long time. My attraction to men physically came later, and I don't find it as immediate and head turning as I do with women. It takes me longer to become attracted to men, but when I do I find it more powerful in a way. So yes it makes sense.

It makes sense. You sound bi with a preference for men tbh.

AnyFucker · 14/03/2012 13:29

Yes, my "she will grow out of it" was patronising, in relation to my own neice, because she will

not homophobic though...it was in relation to her growing out of the man-pleasing, not "growing out of" homosexuality which is innate, is it not ?

don't ascribe something to my comments that wasn't there, and attempt to make this a gay-bashing thread, because that is what it is not

AnyFucker · 14/03/2012 13:34

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet.

SparkyMcSparrow · 14/03/2012 13:34

Wow that took some reading.

It takes me longer to become attracted to men, but when I do I find it more powerful in a way That is spot on!

SparkyMcSparrow · 14/03/2012 13:36

I do think some women "grow out of it" though. Some do, some don't!