My DS (11) is severely disabled.....unable to walk, has severe learning difficulties. He went through major surgery last year to correct (not cure) his disabilities....was a major ordeal but he was through the worst.
In the meantime I was made redundant in unpleasant circumstances, it took me months but I managed to find another job.
So I thought that though our situation was challenging and that the stress had taken a greater toll than I even knew at the time, we were over the worst and could look forward to a better future.
But: DS has developed complications from his op a week or so ago, the site of the surgery has turned septic and we are having to rush him in to see the consultant & try to get the better of it.
In the meantime I am struggling with my new job & it is made clear that I have to be performing better in the very near future.
I feel the pressure just building up & building up and I feel I can't take any more. I wanted to do some further education....but feel there is just no way I can take this on right now. So I feel I am selling out my future as well as I have let this lapse. All around, I feel that every prospect I had of a brighter future is just slipping away.
I have had enough of everything being such a struggle. DH struggles too as he has separate family pressures as well....so he gets resentful & angry & lashes out at me.
If it wasn't for DS I think I would be far better off dead. I am on antidepressents but think there is a limit to what they can do; they can't change our circumstances. For the same reason I don't see how counselling can help. I feel I need support but it is all of the practical kind, ie. for God's sake please please take the pressure off me just for a while so I can try to come to terms with all this, and find a way to live through it and come out the other end.