Fuck, fuck & shitting fuck

[justsofuckingsad]

Had a thread last week about DH & me & his control & my sadness & how bloody small & horrible I feel.

I t gave me strength, there were so many inspiring woman there, I decided to grasp the mettle, tell him & wrestle some control back so on Thursday I told him I'd had enough - we needed to change, he dashed back from work, all ears, was conciliatory & I thought we may have a chance.

Friday we went out to supper at a friend's house, came back & I could feel then tension building, he started jabbing & picking at me, my friends hate me, I'll end up fat & bitter, no-one will want me, people just pretend to like me & on & on.

I just ignored him, he was drunk, I didn't want to engage, so he threw me across the kitchen & punched me.

Our daughter came in, I hope to God she didn't see much but fear she did - ohh fuck, fuck, I took her back upstairs & went to bed to get away.

I woke up about an hour later, being fucked, told him to get off, he didn't.

& the fucking, fucking worst thing is I had a thread in the Summer where a very similar thing happened - I was locked in a car by him & it ended in him raping me & I didn't listen to the very good advice I was given (different name - had the thread deleted) - I thought it was a one off & I could make it better.

It turns out I couldn't.

I don't even know why I'm telling you this - I can't tell anyone in RL - they all fucking love him & think he's the best thing that ever happened to me & I'm a strong, articulate & assertive woman.

Truth is, I'm a fucking horrible mess.

valuable

Please don't fight about semantics on this thread. Op's life is upside down and she came here for much-needed support and advice. Anything else is inappropriate.

Thinking of you Just. How are you doing? Have you heard from wa?

You are so strong and so brave, i'm utterly speechless at what you've gone through . Words cannot describe the vile monster that is your husband.

You've had some brilliant advice from MNers and tbh I have nothing new to offer. But I do agree the most who have advised that your actions could "label him as a criminal". Darling he is a criminal already, there is nothing that you could do to change that fact.

You need to do what is best for you and your babies. You are an amazing woman, you obviously love your kids more than anything, you're patient and kind. And you have been used in the most dreadful way.

This is your time, your kids time, to be free and safe and away from this filth that calls himself a man. None of this is your fault, and you are not responsible for splitting up - he is the one who has caused all of this.

Sending you (((((hugs)))), if there is anything at all i can do to help please let me know (I am going to pm you where I am)

For the record i didnt say op woulf be responsible for other women just that it was a part of the reason to report him. Its op's decision i was just saying why people would be keen for op to report this man/animal

And i agree this thread is not an opportunity for a bun fight this lady needs support

I agree that reporting to the police would be very hard and agree that it is not the OP's responsibility to prevent the rape of other women.

However, telling someone in a rape crisis centre would be easier. People who answer the phones there are there only for rape victims. That is all they do and they have volunteered and been trained and are committed to be there for you.

Also, that feeling that you at least retain some control while you keep silent is not your friend. The illusion of control is in fact your enemy.

Reporting this to someone anyone is very important and I wish you courage to make the call and say the words, Justso.
Could your friend make the call for you and speak on your behalf? Would you let her talk to your gp or to the rape crisis line?

Oh OP, what a huge amount you have suffered and survived. You have immense strength. And you obviously have a wonderful resilience, to be able to pick yourself up after the last atrocious assault, and get on with life. And to have even an ounce of compassion for the evil fuck that did this to you?

With this strength, resilience and compassion, think of the wonderful life you could build for you and your children away from this man. Do what's right for you, but please start to create some 'official' record of what has happened to you (e.g. GP if you can't face the police). It will help you enormously in the future.

Hello, just to let you all know I'm still here, sorry I haven't replied to any individual posters but I have read every word you've said and listened to your experience & advice and value your support enormously.

I spoke to WA they gave me some very good advice & I'm glad I did, I'm going to the GP tomorrow & my friend is helping me find somewhere to stay - I think I just have to keep putting one foot in front of the other at the moment.

I feel much better today - I'm not shedding any more tears, I think now is the time for practicalities & me dissolving in a snivelling heap isn't going to get anything done.

I've also poured all the alcohol in the house away & have resisted the urge to have a bloody giant glass of wine, tempting as it is, I'm know I'm not going to find any answers there.

My friend's coming over again tonight to help me make some plans, I've got somewhere to go to immediately if I need to & access to enough cash to keep me going for a while.

I don't want a long-running saga, just to get on & do what I need to but will update you on what's happening.

Thank-you all so, so much, I think I'm going to be ok, I KNOW I'm going to be ok.

Anyway - got to bath those small people - life goes on.

Well done. You are so very brave.

Putting one foot in front of the other is not 'just' anything. It is the most courageous and the strongest thing anyone could possibly do.

I am so glad WA called you back and that you spoke to them.

Let your friend take care of you.

So glad to hear a positive reply from you. Best of luck to you and your dcs.

You have done really well (hope that doesn't sound patronising).

Hurray for you

Hello, been reading your thread and just wanted to congratulate you on the way you have conducted yourself through this terrible ordeal. You have shown enormous strength and bravery. I am so glad you have good support, and are going through the right channels to get yourself and your dc somewhere safe.

All the best to you OP. I really hope this will be the beginning of a positive change in your life. xxx

Just - you're amazing. Utterly amazing.

Sending (((((hugs)))) and a massive

These are the first steps towards a better, happier and safer future for you and your children
I am approx 18 months on and I have never looked back. He is not in control any more and you have support that will help you through.

you will be ok and so will your children, because you are doing the right thing by them and yourself.

i am so glad that you have found the strength to stop this. really i am so glad. I thought of you often following that thread where you got locked in the car.

your husband cannot be saved. You can. Your children can. I wish you all the best, dont lose sight of why you are doing this. The reality is that your husband is a pathetic, pathetic man who has to use violence and rape to get keep control of you. Kick that fucker to the kerb. You deserve so much more and so do your children.
Listen to your friend, she does indeed sound wise and supportive. I am rooting for you. Every woman on here is.

Wow! Well done! You are so incredibly brave, and the best mummy ever!

OP, we are all here for you, let us know if you need anything?

So glad to see your update. This is very good news.

Oh Just you brave woman. Read through I don't think anyone's mentioned the NCDV? (apologies if so) Basically they provide free legal advice and help to get injunctions and things (bit beyond my scope sorry). Anyway they are completely brilliant and lovely to boot their number is 0844 8044 999

Take care of yourself.

So good to know you are ok and feeling better.

Wishing you all the best in this new journey.

You and your children are what matters. I'm sure you'll all be much happier on the other side. :)

I've just read this thread and applaud your bravery. It will pay off.

You've had fantastic advice here.

Keep going, one day at a time x

JSFS you are such an amazing, brave lady. I wish I could reach through Mumsnet and give you the biggest hug.

take care x

JSFS I have so much respect for you. I hope it all goes to plan and your new life starts soon, I'll be watching for updates.

Your children are very lucky to have such a strong amazing mother.

If you are near to me i will gladly help in any way.

x