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Original poster

To think Dh is totally out of order?

564 replies

Geordieminx · 05/03/2012 08:03

Wil try and be brief.

Trip to shopping centre yesterday lunch time. Dh who was been there as many times (dozens) as I have gets into wrong lane, starts stressing, I try and tell him (not very sympathetically) which lane, he gets cross, I apparently (not sure) spoke to him like crap.

Anyhoo, he tells me to fucking shut up, in front of ds (4). I tell him to apologise, he refuses. I get ds out of the car, and tell him to give me a ring once he has calmed down as ready to apologise for speaking to me like that. He tells me if I get out of the car he is going and I can make my own way home.

Thought he would calm down, things would be frosty but it would be ok. Only not. He didn't come back, rang him once, no answer.

So ds and I had to make our own way home. (didn't even have any house keys), bus then train then lift from friend, in the rain without any coats. We managed though.

He rocks home at 7.30, goes straight to bed and has made it clear he isn't speaking to me.

Argument aside I can't believe he just drove off and left us. Not quite sure what he expected us to do/get home/in. Thankfully my friend has a key.

Just seems like a total shit house thing to do, esp to a 4 year old who was totally aware of the situation and kept asking why daddy had left us, why he wouldn't come and get us Sad

Did I deserve it?

OP posts:
Original poster
Geordieminx · 06/03/2012 18:50

Take away and bottle of red for 1 I think.

I'm fine. I tried. Can't do much more. Just gonna busy myself this week, try and do some nice things for me.

OP posts:
desperatenotstupid · 06/03/2012 18:50

Geordie you know things are bad when you are watching hollyoaks! Love, you've tried, he's thrown it back in your face - i wish i knew what to say but its not looking good. The only thing is, this stalemate has to be broken, one way or another for your sons sake. I honestly think my next suggestion would be to say to him, if he isnt willing to talk then there is nothing more to say and would he please just leave you to get on with your lives. I was just Shock when i read that he was ignoring your DS, absolutely disgusting behaviour from a grown man. Hes not worth it

And yes, i have totally changed my tune given all the facts

QueenCess · 06/03/2012 18:53

Geordie what exactly are you getting out of this relationship?

QueenCess · 06/03/2012 18:54

carer have you managed to move your situation on?

RhinosDontEatPancakes · 06/03/2012 19:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PooPooInMyToes · 06/03/2012 19:17

So is he actually ignoring your son op?

Original poster
Geordieminx · 06/03/2012 19:18

Ds has gone to my parents until the weekend (pre arranged)

OP posts:
diotima · 06/03/2012 19:37

OP You did the right thing in trying to find a way back. That was brave and didn't deserve to be rebuffed. You guys have got some serious problems between you. At some point you're going to need to talk. Hopefully the gesture you made will percolate through his mood to his brain at some point! How do these things usually resolve themselves? I think you both need help. It's pretty unclear whether he and/or you want to continue the marriage. Either he does and you don't, you do and he doesn't, you both don't, you both do or neither of you know. Presumably at some point he'll return to sufficient sanity to realise this question needs answering! When he gets to the point where he's ready to discuss the question, it sounds like you'd better head off to Relate to get it settled, agree bottom-lines and work out how to make what you resolve happen.

PooPooInMyToes · 06/03/2012 19:47

But was he ignoring your son before he went?

redwineformethanks · 06/03/2012 19:51

Still stand by my comment earlier on this thread, that a comment about driving shouldn't lead to this level of tension in a normal happy relationship

MrsCampbellBlack · 06/03/2012 19:56

Geordie - I sort of hope this gives you the impetus to make the big decision that you probably do need to make.

Good luck Smile

pictish · 06/03/2012 20:21

He'll be holding out on you, waiting for you to break and apologise for snapping at him in the first place.
Then he can take the moral high ground, and if he's feeling generous, might even admit he may have overreacted himself....but ONLY after you have taken responsibility for the incident and begged for forgiveness apologised first.

Either way, it'll be a long time before you dare snap at him or critisise his driving again.

All well worth it from his point of view I think you'll find.

Wanker.

Original poster
Geordieminx · 06/03/2012 20:32

So... I'm in the kitchen, baking. Minding my own business.

He comes in... "the physio... Where is it?"

So I tell him (next village)

"whereabouts"

Honestly it took every ounce of self restraint not to kick his face inGrin

OP posts:
fedupofnamechanging · 06/03/2012 20:36

I don't think you should have held back Grin

Sulkers piss me off so much, I want to come round and do it for you!

pictish · 06/03/2012 20:37

The silent treatment is evil.
It's bad enough for an hour or two - but days of it is really nasty.

Vicky2011 · 06/03/2012 20:42

You realise that was probably him trying to be nice Geordie?

Original poster
Geordieminx · 06/03/2012 20:45

No, it was him asking for bloody directions instead of helping himself... Expecting to be spoon fed.

I honestly don't know how he dared. No thank you either, or bye or owt

OP posts:
desperatenotstupid · 06/03/2012 20:48

How did you stop yourself from telling completely the wrong direction??

DoingHouseworkHonest · 06/03/2012 20:51

Not read all the replies (sorry but it's 13 pages long and can't be arsed tonight Grin ) so sorry if I'm repeating what others have said or if the topic's moved on!
So let me get this straight. He shouted 'shut the F up" and refused to listen to you.
YOU not only got out of the car, but instigated the getting out of the car thing in the first place and telling him to drive off and come back when he's calmed down.
He retaliated when you were STILL AT the car by saying "I'm going home if you get out."
You did it anyway to call his bluff.
Why get out of the car in the first bleedin' place if you know you had no way of getting home?!
He's also out of order for throwing a tantrum and for swearing in front of your ds.
You both sound as bad as each other to me, sorry.

ChippingInNeedsCoffee · 06/03/2012 20:56

Well done for maintaining the high ground.

He's a monumental twat.

Why are you still with him?

PooPooInMyToes · 06/03/2012 21:04

Why did you tell him where to go!? If he can't be bothered to talk to you why should you give him directions.

Spuddybean · 06/03/2012 21:13

geordie do you love him? if so why? he sounds really awful. Sorry, i would hate someone to say that about my DP (and people on here have) but seriously, what pleasure do you get out of being with him? Why are you still there?

I don't think i could bear it. I feel so sad for you.

I think i would be suggesting divorce now.

QueenCess · 06/03/2012 21:15

I think I would have told him where to go......as it were.

carernotasaint · 06/03/2012 21:34

QueenCess the problem i have is that there has been no sex or affection cuddles etc for 16 years.
Cut a long story short i did have an affair a while ago and after that DH told me to do what i need to do but just be careful.
DH is more of a practical man. I believe he is asexual.
However he does NOT do what Geordies husband does.
DH tries to make up for it in other ways. He would never see me go without anything.
So in that sense i am luckier than Goeordie. My rant upthread was because i was angry on her behalf.
Our situations are similar rather than exactly the same. What geordies husband should be doing is making an effort in other areas like my DH does not being passive aggreasive and abusive.
My DH can be verbally aggresive at times but that is in part due to his disability. He has ATBI (Acquired Traumatic Brain Injury) caused by ischemic heart disease which has shot his lungs to shit basically.
He stopped wanting any sexual contact ten years before the heart attack though.

Archemedes · 06/03/2012 21:36

Has this not been resolved yet?

Are you doing any housework for him, cooking washing etc if you are stop now.

If I were in your position, I would write down what I wanted to say, stating how unforgivable it is for him to be ignoring your son. and without a word back up me and my son and go and stay with someone.

But thats just me.

Out of interest, what was your parents reaction to his behaviour???