Help i have no idea how to deal with this... Regarding dp beyond drunk, A bit gross

[Close2breaking]

Im so upset right now its beyond belief.

Bit of background, Me and Dp have been having 'chats' now over the last couple of weeks about how im getting seriously pee'd of with things around the house. Things like clean clothes and washing being dumped on the floor, shoes coats etc being dumped anywhere, stuff not being put back where it belongs. Im masssively pregnant and have pgp so ive explained things are getting much harder and more painful for me to do. He agrees yes ok fair point he will be more aware to try not to make more work for me to do then needed

Tonight. He goes out 'for a few' with friend we shall call X instead of me and him going for a meal. Thats fine in itself but i no when X and him are together it tends to turn into a few hundred drinks. Left me sat up waiting as he wouldnt be late. He left at 6 maybe and has just strolled through up to bed. Saw him getting out of the taxi walking rather strange so i think wonderful his drunk.

He gets in bed and i think wow he stinks of alcohol and well... crap. Say have you trumped? No. ok awesome walk down stairs to get a drink this smell is horrific. I find his tshirt on the conservatory floor with shit smears all over it. His jeans full of crap in the washer. Have a cry and go upstairs to get him out of bed. Stands up obviously hasnt been bothered to wash or even wipe theres now crap all over half the bed and some on myself. Im mentally breaking down at this point. His obviously sat on the sofa too as it stinks. Send him for a bath which he apparently has had and cleaned himself and i then find 'it' all over some towels. the downstairs toilet looks like both ends have exploaded and stinks beyond anything ive ever known.

Ive tried to get anything out of him like WTF has happened, why didnt he do anything about it, where the hell his boxers are, why the hell did he get in bed next to me like that. apparently he didnt know. which is bollox because if he hadnt known he would have got undressed upstairs and he wouldnt have put his jeans in the wash.

I dont know what i ever expect anyone to say but obviously i dont feel i can rant about this in RL so even if no one says anything its off my chest a little :) . Seriously where do i take it from here? What am i suppose to say to him.

And no i am not the poo troll unfortunatly this is what my sat night has become and i have name changed

It's nearly 5 o'clock FFS, if he was genuinely mortified he'd have sorted this a long time since. Now he's just confirmed by his inaction that he has zero respect.

The more you post Close the more repulsive this man sounds.

Are you really sure you want him in your life?

His behaviour...it's just so revolting, so utterly repellent and disrespectful that I can't fathom how an adult could behave in that way. How can someone be so degraded that they just lie around in their own shit..and then expect someone else to clean it up for them? Horrible!

He is a complete shit. Pun intended.

By now, at the very least, even if he was feeling like death warmed up and "unable" physically to clean up right now, he'd have been mortified and apologised profusely if he was any sort of man. He'd have told OP to stay at a hotel at his expense while he organised a specialist firm to sort it out (if he really was incapable). Any normal decent person simply wouldn't subject anyone else to this level of revolting disrespect, let alone someone who's your pregnant partner ... someone who's had no sleep. Aside from anything else it's a health hazard.

It's all very well saying he "should" do it .... well, of course he should, no doubt about that, but if he won't, and you have nowhere else to stay for now, i.e. that house is your only option, then regretably (because it shouldn't be down to you to organise) you log onto yell.com and get someone round pronto. It'll probably cost big time 'cos who'd want to deal with that, but there are people out there prepared to do it for the right money - HIS money.

Then ..... I'm so very sorry to say you need to think long and hard about what all this says about the state of your relationship. It's his reaction to what he did which says it all rather than the deed itself.

Oh yeah .... and agree with all those who say tell his parents. He's behaving like a revolting little brat so he deserves to be treated like one. You wouldn't dream of humiliating someone who's been genuinely ill, e.g. food poisoning, and even a drunken accident wouldn't be cause for public humilaition IF he begged forgiveness and ensured it was dealt with 110% hygienically and thoroughly, but to do effing nothing - expecting someone else - i.e. his pregnant partner - to sort it - is the worst sort of arrogant contempt.

Closer - go to your mums. I know you'll be uncomfortable there but it has to be better than this and it sends him a clear message that you won't be putting up with this.

And tell him that when she asks why you need a place to stay, you won't be protecting his sorry ass.

Didn't a poster upthread suggest a frank chat with DSS' mum about why the relationship ended while she was pg? That might be a good idea.

HAven't read the whole thread but just a suggestion -

Is this physical reaction likely to have been cause by anything other than alcohol? I've had some (limited) drug awareness training and some of the 'legal highs' cause all sorts of reactions in some people..?

Also, I haven't worked in a and e, but I have heard that booze can cause crapping and not just pissing...

And, I might be tempted to clear it up (just for expediency) on the realisation that he joins AA or never ever goes out on the piss again.

Sometimes these moments can make or break a relationship. There is still hope but no point in arguing when he is still out of it.

Good luck.

Can you book a taxi and go to either your brother's or your mil's? And tell someone in rl what has happened. Please.

Another option might be to go to your mums and ask if she will help you find somewhere to stay, or lend you some money, then explain why.

It's your decision of course but don't feel you need to collude with him by not telling anyone about this. He deserves the shame and for people to see what he's like.

As well as everything else, (which is bad enough), I can't get over the fact he has smeared shit on his son's bed. He clearly doesn't care a jot about anyone except himself. What a foul excuse of a man he is.

Sorry for ranting Close, I just feel furious on your behalf. I hope you're ok and managing to get some rest.

Can you just borrow some money from your mum and stay in one of those hotels ir get her to take you to a cheaper b&b or something ?

I don't understand why you are suggesting he goes to give you space.
Tell him clearly what you expect him to do and tell him you are going and won't be coming back until it's done.
Ring his parents and asks them to help you deal with this.

He is beyond a joke. He is a complete pig.
Stick up for yourself.

I'd stay at his parents and tell them why. If he hadn't cleaned the house by tomorrow evening, I'd get a cleaning company and move out.

He cancelled a meal out with you for this shit! You definitely don't deserve it.

Fucking hell, this is one of the worst things i've seen on here (besides physical violence). Please don't let this horrific pathetic excuse for a man ruin your life.

This pig of a man is demonstrating to OP that even when he fucks up or does something disrespectful/out of order, she is not allowed to get pissed off, challenge him, or make demands that he make amends. If she does, he will ignore, refuse, and/or sulk.

He's telling you he's the God here, so doesn't need to apologise/make good.

Your place is to clean up his shit - literally.

He doesn't like it that you haven't just rolled your eyes, given him a wee ticking off and then got on with the scrubbing.

He's trying to show you where your place is.

This isn't a nice man and this isn't a good and equal relationship. A good bloke would have been MORTIFIED, maybe groaned out a sorry in bed as he recovered a bit - but by now would be scrubbing and apologising and promising to make it up to you. With flowers and chocs!

This nasty Neanderthal is literally LYING DOWN ON THE FLOOR as a way of showing you that you do not get to complain no matter WHAT he does.

I don't think it's a coincidence that this has kicked off while you're pregnant and if it's at all possible I think I'd be asking his ex why they split when she had her eye off the ball wrt wiping the manchild's arse was pregnant.

Right now? I'd call your mum and ask if she can Hoover a room you can stay in then help you with cash for a b&b for the next night, near hers. I'd then call his parents and explain that you've left - not for the night, but until your partner sorts out the house. Tell them everything, including the fact that he's made it clear he has no plans to repair the DAMAGE to your home, and it's not hygienic to stay there.

I agree with the poster who suggested giving him the list of things that you want done and then heading to a hotel/your mum's with gas mask and Hoover. I think he is probably useless, tired and hungover now - obviously all self-inflicted but I don't think he is necessarily being intentionally disrespectful or trying to put you in your place. Give him the chance to put things right (according to the list) and then have a proper talk about it and make him understand that you do not find this behaviour acceptable and you will not tolerate it. If he wants to be a partner to you and a father to this new baby then he needs to grow up and act like a responsible adult.

tons of posts to read and my heads a bit of a shed.

we have had another chat he seems to think that this will be the turning point for good for him. however i have heard this all before.

ive sent a text to his dad as dont have his mums mobile number asking if she has a couple of hours over the coming days for a chat. she may give me some more insight i hope. he will also be mortified that they will end up knowing. they seem to be the only people in his life who he actually has massive respect for. he hates it if they find out about him messing up in any way shape or form. maybe in the long run this will do some good either for or against our relationship. i guess shes the lady that knows him best and has been rather quite nice to me when he has fucked up before saying what a fool etc.

who knows maybe she will advise me to pack my bags and run for the hills to. in which case i may be back for those links to support :)

Close in what ways has he fucked up before?

Please leave this piece of self pitying shit in his shit, it is not good for you or baby, when you explain to anyone why you need a place to stay they will take you in! Tell people what he has done, do not cover for him, he is an animal! Do not return until the house is shit free and the piece of shit is ready to apologise and behave like a real human!

Huge sympathy for you OP. I imagine you're going between boiling rage/disappointment/despair and everything in between.

Best of luck to you.

Has he seriously not cleaned up?! Seriously?! My god, I'd be beyond furious. I'd be clearing off to a hotel and charging it to his card.

his drinking has been a huge issue for me previously. i have told his parents about this before so it will be of no suprise.

he went to one aa meeting then never went back because well who knows some pathetic reason anyway. something like they say a prayer. so fair enough me the person who does not have any issue at all spent hours on the phone to different services to find any other local alternative.

found one they work more on a one to one basis offer councilling etc imo perfect for what he said. did he ever go, make contact, even a phone call no did he hell. then said he would mention it to the doctor last time he went i went in with him as requested did he mention anything nope.well he has now asked for that number again and i have given him it but we will see time will tell.

i think this has really really got to be the last chance. i said throughout our relationship i have never done anything to create such drama and mess but he has time and time again. i think one last chance for the sake of this baby having a complete family is enough. if he does anything similar again he will have to go. although he says this isnt required as there will be no more.

Please do not give him this as his last chance unless he clears his mess and apologises properly.
You know he'll just do it again. :(