Help i have no idea how to deal with this... Regarding dp beyond drunk, A bit gross

[Close2breaking]

Im so upset right now its beyond belief.

Bit of background, Me and Dp have been having 'chats' now over the last couple of weeks about how im getting seriously pee'd of with things around the house. Things like clean clothes and washing being dumped on the floor, shoes coats etc being dumped anywhere, stuff not being put back where it belongs. Im masssively pregnant and have pgp so ive explained things are getting much harder and more painful for me to do. He agrees yes ok fair point he will be more aware to try not to make more work for me to do then needed

Tonight. He goes out 'for a few' with friend we shall call X instead of me and him going for a meal. Thats fine in itself but i no when X and him are together it tends to turn into a few hundred drinks. Left me sat up waiting as he wouldnt be late. He left at 6 maybe and has just strolled through up to bed. Saw him getting out of the taxi walking rather strange so i think wonderful his drunk.

He gets in bed and i think wow he stinks of alcohol and well... crap. Say have you trumped? No. ok awesome walk down stairs to get a drink this smell is horrific. I find his tshirt on the conservatory floor with shit smears all over it. His jeans full of crap in the washer. Have a cry and go upstairs to get him out of bed. Stands up obviously hasnt been bothered to wash or even wipe theres now crap all over half the bed and some on myself. Im mentally breaking down at this point. His obviously sat on the sofa too as it stinks. Send him for a bath which he apparently has had and cleaned himself and i then find 'it' all over some towels. the downstairs toilet looks like both ends have exploaded and stinks beyond anything ive ever known.

Ive tried to get anything out of him like WTF has happened, why didnt he do anything about it, where the hell his boxers are, why the hell did he get in bed next to me like that. apparently he didnt know. which is bollox because if he hadnt known he would have got undressed upstairs and he wouldnt have put his jeans in the wash.

I dont know what i ever expect anyone to say but obviously i dont feel i can rant about this in RL so even if no one says anything its off my chest a little :) . Seriously where do i take it from here? What am i suppose to say to him.

And no i am not the poo troll unfortunatly this is what my sat night has become and i have name changed

Redwineandchocolate is right, I have ignored most of this thread, I think it got a bit off point in places, the important thing is imo, if you start clearing up his 'shit' (literally and figuratvily) he may take for granted that you will accept certain behaviour, and accept bad behaviour. He needs to know that his behaviour is totally unnacceptable, and I still think that you need to leave the house until it is fit and healthy for you to be in! I am still in full support of name and shame too! There is no way he should be able to treat your home and you like this and get away with it. If you had come back to a shiny sweet smelling home, then maybe keep it between you as he would have shown some remorse, but as you said, even the bath - the easiest thing in the house to clean - is still soiled, you can't use it, what does he expect you to do?

Have you someone you trust to stay with? Maybe just tell that person? I am not suggesting leaving him, I am concerned with yours and the baby's health.

Given that he split from his.ex.when she was pregnant (if I read it right) I would suggest the OP have a frank talk.with the ex regarding the circumstances behind the split.

Can you go to your mum's or brother's Close. This is terrible.

Ooh, good point, Winkly

Sorry choco I read your post while eating my dinner and got a bit to carried away to reply at the time now getting home sort of took my thoughts away again.

Well he has a motorbike yesterday the plan was for him to take dss home on it then leave it at his parents as we're due bad weather in the week. However the bad weather has come early so I presume he will have gone with his mum or dad in the car to take him back. Meaning mil or fil driving. Both mil and fil's car is out of their drive so that along with dp texting and the rain makes it seem true that he isn't driving his son home.

However because the bike is gone he must have drove it up to his parents. Although he doesn't get hangovers ever he would still have been days over the limit

Yes Close2 - please don't stay in that shit-smeared, filthy, unhygienic house a second longer.

He is making a pretty strong statement here.

He's not drunk, he's not out of control.

He just thinks you should clean up after him when he shits himself and gets shit all over the house.

And he's planning to bring a child into his shithouse?

Seriously?

That is really fucking gross.

Woah! I can just about see how you might get in this state but to not even attempt to clear it up properly in the morning is horrendous! If he was that incapable he shouldn't be driving your DSS around! Is he always this entitled close? He literally expects you to clear up his shit?

x-posted re: driving.

I still don't see why he hasn't tried to make it up to you, if only so you don't tell people?!

What sort of a disgusting vile person smears shit everywhere and then won't even clean it up?

It beggars belief.

I think you should leave Close2, and then discuss your relationship and whether it's got any future from a distance.

His just got back. I said I think he should go again because his done nothing and doesn't seem to give two hoots. Apparently he isn't going anywhere.

Apparently he is bothered his very embarrassed. IMO being embarrassed isn't trying to sort the situation That's just feeling sorry for himself.

I just don't want to be around him right now why can't he understand that? Why can't he just go to his parents or friends. I could go to my mums she would have me albeit on the sofa. But she has a cat and hovers once a year if lucky. I'm allergic to it and since being pregnant its not just sneezing it leaves me struggling for breathe and wheezing after a hour or two never mind a day or two.

I feel horrible for my bump having to put up with me being so stressed recently and now so sad and angry. It can't be doing him any good

I cannot believe he has left shit all over your house.

At this stage I would call a deep clean company, pay with HIS credit card. Change the locks and pay with HIS credit card and tell him not to bother coming back. I would also phone and inform his parents and my own parents and I would no longer cover for him.

I spent years living with an alcoholic and believe me they ALWAYS pick their moments carefully. Times like this when your pregant and about to give birth. For me it was all family weddings or any big occasion he ruined and I realised in the end it was always going to be the same and it always was until I left.

Please don't enable him by covering for him. Find a way to seperate because if it's not now it'll be later and as much as it's not a good time now, it's NEVER a good time. He's shown total contempt to you, what he will do is literally shit all over your life, your comfort, your safe place and your soul.

Save yourself years of bolloxology.

Is he going to clean up?

If he won't leave, you should go elsewhere for the night at least, it isn't the time to argue over it.
Go to your mum's. Vaccum.

Close2breaking, just a thought but is it possible that right now your D(Disgusting?/Defecating?)p thinks that this 'incident' happened at home and you are just making a big fuss?

From what you described in your OP, at the very best this happened in the taxi (dont be surprised if the driver presents you with a bill). Otherwise this happened when your 'D'P was out in public. Your DP is probably going to start getting flashbacks as he sobers up (he will still be drunk right now). If he is remotely human it will be then that the mortification will hit.

This may take a couple of days but it will be when the hangover eases a bit that you may be able to really get him to face how badly he has behaved and how badly he has treated you.

If he was embarrassed he'd clean it up so there was nothing left to see or smell, and so the house was clean.

What does he plan on doing - just living in it?

I'm desperately wishing you had somewhere else to go Close2. This is an appalling situation.

Go, to anyone, friend? Anyone! Just get out and let him deal with his shitty mess! Grab a bag and get out of the house, then phone his mum and tell her that you think her lovely ds might need a bit of help round the house. Please just get out of there until it is clean! You can't be around those germs!

Fair enough, as you were! Hopefully MIL or FIL will pick up on his hangover and have a go anyway, I expect his shame will be palpable right now. And rightly so!

I think now is a good moment to Google house cleaners and use his paypal to arrange. I'm preg with pgp too and can't imagine how fed up and upset you must be today x

Grab the Hoover and go to your Mums!!

"If he was embarrassed he'd clean it up so there was nothing left to see or smell, and so the house was clean."

Precisely.

He doesn't give a fuck about what he's done.

He is waiting for you to clean it.

The little golden boy who thinks that women are there literally to clean up after his shit.

Close2, you deserve so much better than this.

OK guys sorry, came late to the thread, that's disgusting about not cleaning up - I thought the OP said he HAD cleaned up properly and clearly misunderstood. That's terrible behaviour. If he's sober enough to get out of the house and see his son he needs to get his fucking act together. Maybe my first post was too lenient.

You poor darling. I would be beyond furious. His treatment of you, his partner and mother of his child, is contemptible. I'd get a taxi round to his parents, ask if you could stay there, and tell them exactly why. What a disgusting pig.