Hello Everyone, been a bit full on in the world of my more than fuzzy wine drinkers this week!
Mouse, I have, for the first time, very ashamed to say, looked at your profile and now have a small idea of what you are going through. Should have done this a while ago, just too bloody idle. I knew you were remarkable, I have now decided you are just in that group of special people who humble me. Hope poor old dh rallies soon, can imagine his mood as well as being poorly.
Quiet, wow and double wow. My life has been a bowl of cherries in comparison! Hitting rock bottom, there is no formula, no matter what physcobabble is spouted about it. This abstinence lark has to come from your soul, it is an intangible point that you reach. Just like the reasons that make you drink too much, there are medical explanations for the effect, but not really the cause. That is what makes working with addicts so frustrating and soul destroying sometimes. I am not particularly religious, but I do believe that this about a spiritual thing rather than a physical one. With some of the most helpless cases, one lady for example this week is on her twentieth detox, she is 42 and quite beautiful, but the emptiest eyes I have ever seen, and I so wish I could bottle what was inside me and pour it down her throat, rather than the vodka. It's about the essence of you, and the courage that all of us have somewhere inside of us. My rock bottom came when I tried to drink after a long lay off, half a bottle of gin, four bottles of a really nice Fitou, a small bite of dinner, and cognac, when I was only going to have a small gin and tonic, then water. I thought I was going to die, I very nearly did. DH found me in a heap in our back hall, I had smashed my head open on a stone flagged floor, been sick, had two broken ribs and was still holding a glass of brandy, which had survived the event, always protected my source! It took me a week to be able to eat, I weighed 7 stone, and shook for three days. That was 12 years ago, and I can remember the pain as if it was yesterday. I have survived breast cancer, whether that was a consequence of heavy drinking I don't know, but it can't have helped.
NP, so glad you are a happy girl, bet you are going have a great spring time weekend, be careful you don't have too big a clear out spree. Happens alot with a fresh start, then you think damn it I liked those shoes, sweater etc.
My story, goodness. I will pm you with some of my 'stuff' tomorrow, but it was a true love affair for me. I loved drink, wine particularly, it was just like a handsome but dangerous lover, and I was his mistress for 30 years. Love is blind was never so true with me, and I went through every deception, longing, depravity, agony, thrill, desire and passion that true love leads us into. To the determent of me and everyone that loved me. But I would not be swayed ever, I hurt so many good people. I was friends with everyone who drank, and rude to everyone who didn't. But enough of me here, I am well, and if I can help anyone, anytime I will because I really do know how hard this journey is.
Be safe everyone, going to have a cup of tea.