I know what I *should* do but in shock :(

[Sarsaparilllla]

So, I'm engaged, we're due to get married in August, on Sat we had a day out with my brother and his wife, and then they stayed at ours, we all had quite a lot to drink, I went to bed quite late as did my brother and my fiance and sis in law stayed up watching a film

I just had a weird feeling something was up, not right, earlier in the evening my fiance had gone upstairs to the loo, she'd been up there too saying she was getting something out of the room they were staying in, but all their bags were still downstairs, I thought at the time it was slightly odd but forgot about it

Last night I woke up at 5.30am and my fiance wasn't in bed anymore, he'd gone to sleep downstairs on the sofa, I don't know why but his phone was by the bed and I read his texts, there was a whole conversation between him & sis in law that started out her staying 'I miss you' and basically saying 'oh god, this is a mess, it was better when we pretended we hated each other, I'm married, when can we meet up' etc etc... so something did happen, and I'm in utter shock, I don't know what to do, I know what I should do, but I feel numb :(

He then woke up (I went into the bathroom so must've woke him), he came to bed, I said to him, do you have something you want to tell me? He said no, why what's up, I couldn't speak, I didn't know what to say, I turned off the light and tried to sleep, and pretend this isn't happening, but it is and now he's lied to my face as well

Help :( :(

Been lurking on this thread since yesterday - hope OP is ok

Hope you and your brother are ok.

HOPE YOU ARE DOING OK

TheRhubarb I have fantasies of crashing in through the window and grabbing some of the OPs on here, kicking their OH in the teeth and running away with the OPs.

Hmm, reactions like that makes me wonder who is the control freak..

You might not like how someone is living their life, but they have to come to their own truth in their own time...

Can't take a horse to water and all that....

Well, it depends, suburbophobe. Sometimes the women are absolutely trapped by finances.

OBVIOUSLY I wouldn't be dragging happy women who are just enjoying a good moan through broken glass!

Hope last night went well, though. It sure what that would entail!

It's been mentioned here before, and I know emotions are especially hightened at the mo for you...but I must stress that financially things would be much more dire for you if you marry this person.
Please, in the long run, especially what you know now. DON'T DO IT.
Speaking from experience. x Hope you are ok in the circs. x

Yea, I get you Imperial.

I was a single mum trapped by finances too, I got myself 5 cleaning-neighbours'-houses-jobs a week...

I also get mad about women in awful situations...

But I understand everyone's life is different...

Really, I would LOVE to drag every woman out of an abusive situation (cos I've got the t-shirt, all worn out now and threw it out ).

Same here.
Hoping no news is good news (IYSWIM)

Hope you're ok

I hope you're doing well, OP. What a terrible situation. :(

I've been lurking but thinking of you ! xx

I get the impression that the weird post a couple of pages back accusing the OP of jumping to conclusions was actually from her SIL or DP, and she now can't return to the thread.

I am not expecting her back. Not to this thread. I hope she returns at some stage in case she would like to trash out her options.

We all know where we can look for her, dont we!

I hope you are OK (and your brother); what a hideous situation.

dappply that would be horrible. If so then they are clearly bullying her into accepting that what she saw was not true and that she can't do anything without evidence.

If she is still reading this - never doubt yourself, your instincts or what you saw. Whilst there are no children involved, whilst you are still free to leave, you should do so because the longer it continues, the harder it becomes to leave and the more hurt is caused.

I hope your friend who knows the truth, is supporting you and providing a shoulder to cry on. Remember, none of this is your fault, this is nothing you have done. Even if your brother reacts with anger, that emotion will not last and relationships with siblings are a lot stronger than that. Be kind to yourself, be strong and know that we are here should you ever need us.

dappply - The person who posted that, I noticed that they'd made a similarly shit-stirring post on another thread about the same time - they hadn't just posted on this one - don't know if that makes a difference or not but they seemed to me to just be a typical 'cheat's apologist' iyswim.

Posted too soon there! Just to say, checking back in here to see if any news from OP.

Hope you're ok Sars x

I would imagine she's just in the middle of it all, and updating MN is (understandably) the least of her worries. But I agree with whoever said if you do decide to stay with him, we will still be here offering support - don't feel that if you make the "wrong" choice you can't come back. We're at the other end of the internet. You're there and know what is really going on.

stealth is right. It is your situation, you need to decide what to do, not a bunch of people on the internet.

I hope you are ok sars.

Ok, deep breath

Thank you all for your support, I'm still actually feeling phyically ill

I asked him straight was there anything happening between him & SIL, he denied it flat, said nothing at all, I said I wanted him to be honest with me and gave him that chance and he denied anything had happened

So I told him I'd read the messages, and completely predictable he said that I was the one the in wrong for doing that, that I'd ruined the trust and that I shouldn't have gone snooping and that I'd clearly misread it all and it was just 'silly banter' and nothing more and that's what happens when you go snooping (damn, no icon for rolling of eyes on here) and that I probably must go snooping all the time and just never said anything before because I didn't find anything 'interesting'

I know what I read, he's still denying it, I haven't spoken to my brother yet, my friend is being really supportive, I haven't thrown him out (yet)

Only just caught up with the thread, so sorry Sars you're so brave and dignified, and he truly is scum of the earth
But as you say, you know what you saw, and if you don't think you can move past this, remember you don't need him to admit it. If he insists on being a coward as well as a jizzsock, then let him, and concentrate on the new life you're going to enjoy without him.
Again, so sorry he's done this to you, just wanted to chuck my support in there too.

Oh love. What a cock.
What's the plan now? Is there one?

Please anyone tell me before really I doubt my own sanity, how the fuck is this banter of any kind, is there any possible way???? NO

'we have a big issue, it was easier when we pretended to hate each other, when can we meet?'
'I'm working 3-11 all this week, might be tricky, Sunday?'