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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I know what I *should* do but in shock :(

536 replies

Sarsaparilllla · 27/02/2012 09:50

So, I'm engaged, we're due to get married in August, on Sat we had a day out with my brother and his wife, and then they stayed at ours, we all had quite a lot to drink, I went to bed quite late as did my brother and my fiance and sis in law stayed up watching a film

I just had a weird feeling something was up, not right, earlier in the evening my fiance had gone upstairs to the loo, she'd been up there too saying she was getting something out of the room they were staying in, but all their bags were still downstairs, I thought at the time it was slightly odd but forgot about it

Last night I woke up at 5.30am and my fiance wasn't in bed anymore, he'd gone to sleep downstairs on the sofa, I don't know why but his phone was by the bed and I read his texts, there was a whole conversation between him & sis in law that started out her staying 'I miss you' and basically saying 'oh god, this is a mess, it was better when we pretended we hated each other, I'm married, when can we meet up' etc etc... so something did happen, and I'm in utter shock, I don't know what to do, I know what I should do, but I feel numb :(

He then woke up (I went into the bathroom so must've woke him), he came to bed, I said to him, do you have something you want to tell me? He said no, why what's up, I couldn't speak, I didn't know what to say, I turned off the light and tried to sleep, and pretend this isn't happening, but it is and now he's lied to my face as well

Help :( :(

OP posts:
Hidinginthewoods · 28/02/2012 09:25

I hope you're ok today sars
Thinking of you, so sorry you're having to go through this Sad

Dillydollydaydream · 28/02/2012 09:26

How did everything go last night? Hope you're ok

TheCrunchUnderfoot · 28/02/2012 09:28

Love the idea that texts discussing their secret attraction and how they can meet up behind their partners' backs counts as 'lack of information' Grin

TheCrunchUnderfoot · 28/02/2012 09:29

That grin is more of a toothy snarl, ok jshm2? Suggest you read the thread...

PeppermintPasty · 28/02/2012 09:49

Wishing you strength Sars

Finallyfinally · 28/02/2012 10:36

.

TheRhubarb · 28/02/2012 11:06

Well I guess if I was going through this I'd probably have more priorities than updating Mumsnet, but I do hope she comes back soon as she's been on my mind all day too.

lazarusb · 28/02/2012 11:06

Have been thinking about you all morning. I hope you got some answers last night. I hope he is sorry- and out of your house. Hopefully your friend is able to offer you some support today.

catinboots · 28/02/2012 11:23

I hope you are okay OP. Keep checking this thread to see if you've returned.

Take care x

AbbyAbsinthe · 28/02/2012 11:33

Hope you are ok, OP - have been thinking of you today x

QuintessentialyHollow · 28/02/2012 12:12

Even if we all say an unanimous "leave the bastard", with the exception of the lone voice of jshm2, dont feel you cant come back and talk to us if you DO think you might want to forgive him. You have the support of mumsnet whatever you do, even if we disagree with your course of action. Do come back and talk to us, you might want to talk to us especially if you decide to keep the bastard him.

Byeckerslike · 28/02/2012 12:59

Well said quint :)

lazarusb · 28/02/2012 13:00

Quint I think you're right. This is an exceptional and complicated situation. I hope the OP feels she can get some support and strength here, even if she decides to let him stay.

At the very least though, I think this wedding needs to be postponed indefinitely.

TheRhubarb · 28/02/2012 13:07

Or she could invite us all and then just before they say their vows, we all rush in waving our rolling pins and wielding our stilettos before kidnapping her and placing her safely in the bosom of Mumsnet Smile

Don't you wish you could do that for many posters who are constantly shat on? Just scoop them up and run away with them?

Northumberlandlass · 28/02/2012 13:07

Just checking in Sars, have been thinking of you. x

MaryPoppinsMagic · 28/02/2012 13:26

Been following ur thread op. Really hope you are okay and that your hopefully stbx has confessed to you! Let us know how you are

ljgibbs · 28/02/2012 13:32

Hope you're ok Sars.

TheCunningStunt · 28/02/2012 13:38

Just read most of this thread...op hope you are ok. How horrid!!

GnocchiGnocchiWhosThere · 28/02/2012 13:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lazarusb · 28/02/2012 14:21

Absolutely Rhubarb. Depressingly often. Sad

Chrononaut · 28/02/2012 14:25

hope your alright sars :( hugs

TheCrunchUnderfoot · 28/02/2012 14:29

Yes Sars, be assured that folk on here know how complicated real life is. You'll be coming to conclusions that none of us might understand fully - because we don't know the ins and outs of YOUR life. Whatever you decide to do, people will be here to help you work your way through it.

verytellytubby · 28/02/2012 14:36

Another one that hopes you are ok.

MyNameIsntFUCKINGWarren · 28/02/2012 14:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

kissthepuppy · 28/02/2012 15:02

I'm wishing you and your brother all the best xx
Obviously, I don't know you - but just reading your posts I get the impression that you are a warm and loving person. You deserve so much better than this.
You are under pressure with a wedding planned - but please think about your future, and your own instincts when you think about a future with this man.
It's not easy with emotions raw - but please think of what is best for you in the long term.
You have had a dreadful shock - you will be reeling from that. You will get over it. if you can focus on the future. Easy for me to say I know xxx