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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I know what I *should* do but in shock :(

536 replies

Sarsaparilllla · 27/02/2012 09:50

So, I'm engaged, we're due to get married in August, on Sat we had a day out with my brother and his wife, and then they stayed at ours, we all had quite a lot to drink, I went to bed quite late as did my brother and my fiance and sis in law stayed up watching a film

I just had a weird feeling something was up, not right, earlier in the evening my fiance had gone upstairs to the loo, she'd been up there too saying she was getting something out of the room they were staying in, but all their bags were still downstairs, I thought at the time it was slightly odd but forgot about it

Last night I woke up at 5.30am and my fiance wasn't in bed anymore, he'd gone to sleep downstairs on the sofa, I don't know why but his phone was by the bed and I read his texts, there was a whole conversation between him & sis in law that started out her staying 'I miss you' and basically saying 'oh god, this is a mess, it was better when we pretended we hated each other, I'm married, when can we meet up' etc etc... so something did happen, and I'm in utter shock, I don't know what to do, I know what I should do, but I feel numb :(

He then woke up (I went into the bathroom so must've woke him), he came to bed, I said to him, do you have something you want to tell me? He said no, why what's up, I couldn't speak, I didn't know what to say, I turned off the light and tried to sleep, and pretend this isn't happening, but it is and now he's lied to my face as well

Help :( :(

OP posts:
EddieVeddersfoxymop · 27/02/2012 20:11

You seem so collected and calm......nothing constructive to offer as its all been said, but wanted to wish you good luck. What a horrid situation to be in, but a cool, clear head will do you wonders.

SlightlyJaded · 27/02/2012 20:21

You poor poor thing.

You've had some brilliant advice on here, and I don't think I've got anything constructive to add, but just want to stress that NOTHING matters apart from getting the truth and taking time to look after yourself in the face of it. NOTHING ELSE

Am so Angry and :( on your behalf and will be thinking of you this evening

chocolateyclur · 27/02/2012 20:30

I'm sorry. I have nothing helpful to add, but...how awful.

Adversecamber · 27/02/2012 20:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Vicky2011 · 27/02/2012 20:44

Thinking of you tonight Sars

Coconutty · 27/02/2012 20:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

eandz · 27/02/2012 20:48

I hope everything for you goes as well as it can.

LikeAnAdventCandleButNotQuite · 27/02/2012 20:52

I have been following this thread from the start, and it has stayed with me all day. I am thinking of you, OP, and really do hope that whatever happens this evening, you and your DB are able to re-build your trust in others and find true happiness in the future.

Good luck , with what I know will be a few difficult weeks ahead.

mrudagawa · 27/02/2012 21:05

Hi Sarsparilla - hope you're ok. I've just read the whole thread. Vanderelsken's advice is the best. Take it a step at a time. Don't get side tracked.

LiarsWife · 27/02/2012 22:02

Hey Sars just thinking of you

Be strong - you know it is for the best to get rid. You are lucky you don't need to sell your home ..and you and your brother will get through this x

ImperialBlether · 27/02/2012 22:07

I'm sure I'm not the only one who's been worried for you tonight. I hope you stay strong and you and your poor brother are able to stick together through this.

TheSinglePringle · 27/02/2012 22:10

Thinking of you sars

whydontwehaveasharpknife · 27/02/2012 22:17

Thank funk it's your house, so very Sad to read your OP bless you Sad
I don't have any advice just wanted to say I'm thinking of you and hoping your sil and dp reap what they sew

Overtiredmum · 27/02/2012 22:25

I don't have any advice, just wanted to say I'm thinking of you. Stay strong x

SnapesMistress · 27/02/2012 22:27

You poor thing, hope your ok tonight. :(

LadyEmmaHamilton · 27/02/2012 22:27

Thinking of you. It's not going to go well (I'm not sure what "well" would be in this situation) but I hope it's over relatively painlessly.

EmptyCrispPackets · 27/02/2012 22:30

Hmm see if it was me, and he had a iPhone I would take a screen shot photo of the texts and then forward them to myself, and then I had evidence.

I would also be sneaky and not confront him if possible until I had this evidence. But I understand this is hard.

Hope you're ok

suburbophobe · 27/02/2012 22:31

Thinking of you too.

Like the others have said - be thankful for small mercies - you had a lucky escape from marrying him and thank f*ck it's your house.....

So sad for your brother too.

The mind boggles how low some people can go....

clam · 27/02/2012 22:52

One day, in the future, when you're happily married to a different, lovely man with gorgeous children, you'll look back on this dreadful chapter and think, "thank GOD I didn't marry him."
Hold that thought.

mrstiredandconfused · 27/02/2012 23:12

Christ on a bike Sad

Thinking of you x

QED · 27/02/2012 23:39

Thinking of you

Bogeyface · 27/02/2012 23:58

I am thinking of you too. I keep looking at the clock and hoping you are doing ok, you and your brother.

xx

GnocchiGnocchiWhosThere · 28/02/2012 00:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Kellywestie · 28/02/2012 00:10

SARS, nothing to add - just wanted you to know that I'm thinking of you. Read your OP a few hours ago and can't begin to know how you feel. Really hope you have been able to get answers tonight.

MadameOvary · 28/02/2012 01:22

Another one here thinking of you. X