Morning. Thank you teaandcake 
.
You're all going to hate me now. The weekend was just as I expected, I was civil to him, he didn't try and go on. I wittered at him a bit when the bairns were in bed but he never even slightly got aggressive, he took himself for a walk.
Since we've got home I've spoken to the solicitor on the phone only, I can't get to see them till Thursday morning. They only have appts when I can't get anyone to watch the dc's.
But on Tuesday he got all the phone records to show me, he's been texting her frequently for at least two years. He broke down and said he's glad I've found out. It looks like he was telling the truth about the phone in his van, he'd only stopped using his contract phone a couple of weeks before I found the other one. He said i'd started asking questions about his phone again, and I think I had.
I printed most of the records off so he couldn't take proof away again, I've ripped completely into him since I've seen the amount of texts every day. I've called him a heartless selfish monster that doesn't deserve me or the children. I'm even ashamed to say I whalluped him with the rolled up invoices.
He hasn't got angry once these last few days, no matter what I've thrown at him. He just seems defeated and scared. I don't think he likes himself at all at the minute, and he says he hates the man he's become.
If he's admitting to himself that he's really like this, then I do believe that. Because the man I married wasn't like that. I'm not a complete fool, I've been with idiots in the past, and once I've seen them for what they are that's been it. It may sound idiotic coming from me, but I don't suffer fools (not wittingly at least!).
Not sure what happened last night, I know a lot of it was probably how broken he was. But deep down I do think the idiot loves me, it's hard to explain that to you all, but we've been through a lot together before all this started, and he's been a good husband and father apart from this. I do know how ridiculous this sounds. And yes I am probably being weak, but I can't help thinking if he's truly truly sorry, I should at least give a chance to try and fix this.
I'm not going to lie, I don't know if we'll work at all. I'm not happy or even slightly comfortable with him. I know they could still be texting.
But he's admitted that he never really thought about the affect this could have and was having on us these years. He knows he's been a selfish pig that's been putting himself first, when he's got all that he needed at home.
I swear any hint of anything, and he knows his belongings will be on the pavement outside, no finding somewhere to stay, nothing.
I might regret this, to be honest I'm still not sure I'm prepared to try, but I am considering it.
I know you'll all think I'm a fool, I do too, which is why I nearly didn't come on here to tell you.