Advice please if anyone's up

[losttheflickumdickumagain]

Cant believe I'm asking this, I think I know I'm clutching at straws.

Yesterday I found an old mobile in my husbands van (I never usually go I there). There were literally loads of calls made, as many as 10 a day up until 5:20 (he gets home around 5:45) I rang the number and a woman answered.

We have 3 dc's aged 5 and under. My world has just dropped from under my feet.

He's smashed the phone in temper, and he's saying someone at works been using it for the last couple if weeks. He swears he's not been having an affair.

I am clutching at straws aren't I?

Hello .

Thank you for the advice about the books, I've got the Shirley glass one, and I've ordered the mum and dad glue one.

Really hope everything's a lot better for you teaandcake. (can I not whallop h instead? )

No pp, he's come back just the same . Apparently his time away just proved to him how much he couldn't live without us. Funny, because it had the opposite affect on me. Even though the dc's have been poorly, it made me realise that I can cope perfectly well without him (financially would be another matter unfortunately).

Had a terrible night with the dc's, they're all ill now. Ds1 + dd spent most of the night being sick, and then I joined them. Timing's great. Hopefully they'll get over it soon.

Feel really worn out now, I know I'm tired and not feeling so good, but I'm feeling really really lonely. I've lost my best friend as well as my husband . Sorry, feeling a bit sorry for myself today. I'm going to go and snog a snotty child to cheer myself up.

It's perfectly normal to feel like this. The one person you used to look to for comfort and confide in you can no longer do that with and they also caused all the pain you're suffering. Take one day at a time, healing will take time x

Chin up, lost

You have us to talk to, and hopefully when you and dc's are all back to tiptop health you will start to feel a bit better x

He wasn't your best friend, honey. Best friends are far too honourable to do the dirty on us.

Hi Lost, sorry I haven't posted in a while, been away visiting very ill relative :(. Back home now and catching up. How are things going? I hope you are all on the mend. We are a snotfaced household at the moment with both dd's unwell.

I'm sorry that you are feeling lonely- it's not much fun. Have you had any thoughts on developing a good support network in RL? It sounds intimidating to do but it really is worth it.

Glad that your solo parenting weekend went so well, it is good to remind yourself how much you can do when left to it I think!

Thank you all for listening to me moaning, my life's gone to pot, and complete strangers are helping me through it. I really would've been even more lost without you all. I know i keep saying that, but i wish there was some way I could thank you all.

Hiya littlebundles , hope you're relative is improving, and your dd's. Just had ds1 + dd to the doctors , it's never ending poorlys in the house with these three! Dd is finally sleeping, I went for a drive after the doctors, so she's asleep in the car at the minute (it's on the drive, right in front of the window), first time she's slept all day, she keeps screaming her little head off. Steroids again for ds for his asthma, and dd's just a cranky pants apparently, that isn't handling this virus very well. I'm relieved, she kept arching her back last night and holding her head, scared me to death (but she does pull her hair when she's tired).

Flat has booked a relate session for next week, on a morning so we only have dd to take with us. Should be interesting . Even if it just helps the break up I suppose it's worth it.

Will somebody please stop me sending him sarky texts! I can't seem to stops self when stupid things come into my head. I do when he's here (stop myself that is), but it's easier to write it and send. Arrggghhhhh!!!!!

STOP IT!

Write it all in a journal.

Susan J Elliott who runs a big website / blog / seminar on getting over divorce in the US has some interesting thoughts on keeping things business like and no contact as much as possible and how it aids faster recovery. She may have a point I sometimes think. Google her.

You don't need a journal - write your sarky texts here so we can snigger with you.

Yes that's true you can write them here. I do find writing my thoughts out by hand and then looking back in 2 years time, like I did today, quite amazing to see how far I've come and writing them out at the time was a huge release. But everybody is different.

Thanks you lot, I'll just make a fool of myself on here . You did make me laugh then though .

Lost, I ould say it anyway.

You can always name change later, if you want.

I have got the most out of this board by spilling all, IMP you dont get the really useful feedback otherwise.

would!

Are you ok Lost? Thinking of you x

Hello, my heads all over the place today. We talked a lot last night, and I actually felt a bit better. But today, I know in my head all he said was still lies. More and more, things over the last year are falling into place.

Please noone think I'm a terrible mother, and I don't love my children, because that couldn't be further from the truth. I adore them, and even thinking this is breaking my heart, but I'm wondering if the best thing for them would be for me to leave. I don't want them to lose their home, their security. This will be hard enough on them. Do you think that might be the best option?

God I'm sorry, I'm a mess today .

I just want this to be as harmless as possible for them. I had a crap childhood, parents splitting, getting back, splitting, and after so long I went to live with my dad because I hated my mum. I don't want them to end up the same. I'm scared I'm turning out like her, don't get me wrong, I love my mum, but as parents go, she's never been there. An example, h went away Friday morning, the dc's are poorly, and she sent a text yesterday. I feel so alone. The nice mum from school I mentioned before did call around yesterday for a chat though, I really appreciated it, but I just made out I was okay if that makes sense. I'm not used to leaning on anyone. Sound pathetic don't I?!

Sorry Jokat, I forgot to say thank you .

O you poor dear. It occurs to me that you are most probably exhausted after coping with the dcs' illnesses on top of the rollercoaster of emotions you embarked on when you discovered that your h is a flat.

Of course your dc won't be better off if you leave the marital home; there's no way you're going to morph into your mum, honey, and if anyone's going to be leaving it's going be your h - and you've got more than enough self-respect to ensure that if he leaves, he won't be coming back.

There's absolutely no need for you to rush into making far-reaching decisions at the present time. Take it easy for the next few days and see how you feel after your first session at Relate.

Did you get yourself to a solicitor? If not, post on the Legal board for a general opinion of how the marital assets may be divided if you decide to divorce and what you may be entitled to in terms of child support, beneits etc.

All things must pass and this period of uncertainty and mixed emotions will pass too - and when it passes you'll find that you will have learned and grown from the experience.

It's not easy when you have the continual needs of little dc to attend to, but this is a time when the housework can go hang and convenience food comes into it's own as you try to grab as much time and space as possible to rest and recover your usual equilibrium.

A weekend is a long time in politics and it's a long time in the emotional affairs of wo/men too. Be kind to yourself and look forward to feeling more cheerful and settled in your mind after this coming weekend - in the meantime, put the decision making on ice and live in the moment.

No it wouldn't be the best thing.

I ended up having to go on Income Support when my marriage broke down. I made ends meet despite the financial struggle but my goodness me whilst I was trying to process my marriage break down I found it really hard.

I longed to be this perfect mum, to make everything better for the DCs and felt horribly guilty whenever I didn't reach this perceived idea of perfection. You are dealing with a lot right now. Cut yourself some slack.

I lived in PJs and the kids ate convenience food to begin with. Izzy makes some good points.

Reading what I've written, I sound like I'm trying to be some kind of martyr (not sure I've spelt that right). I'm really not, I'm just trying to explore every possibility that makes things easier for the dc's.

And I'm to say they're already getting quite used to convenience foods (delia smith I'm not at the best of times).

I have calmed down now though, when I started thinking me going might be the best idea, I got ridiculously emotional, and had to keep running off to the shed .

I think you're right. I need to stop my head for a bit, and just see happens at relate next week. I'm driving myself insane here, and that's not good for the dc's.

My mind was like a washing machine at this stage. It's hard not to think about it all. And I was so tired and grumpy with the DCs And I hated myself for it. Take one day at a time. Things will get better. You're doing the best you can x

I think your dc being better off if you left is one of the worst ideas I have read on MN in a long time

listen to tea you will come out of the other side of this, really you will