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Original poster

if you were a man for the day.....

94 replies

ninkynonkpinkyponk01 · 22/02/2012 09:40

How would u spend it ? Wink

OP posts:
SnapSnafu · 22/02/2012 10:03

I'd put child-height coat hooks in the hall. My wife would be capable of doing it but I have decided I am going to do it a certain way and if she does it her way, I will throw all my toys out of the pram. So, in order to cheer up her fedupness at the kids coats going on the floor every day, and making the centre of the house a mess, I would put the damn coat hooks up. She'd be really grateful and Make My Evening.

esperance · 22/02/2012 10:22

I would ride around on the underground and trains all day and sit down next to women.

Each time, I would spread my legs as wide as possible until my thigh was touching her (and the woman across from me had a good view of my crotch). Next I would get nice and comfy by spreading my arm out on the seat behind her.

Original poster
ninkynonkpinkyponk01 · 22/02/2012 11:09

Lmfao ! So non of u would take the newspaper to the toilet, have a nice big shit and not use air freshener and at least open a window.... then wander back to the living room whilst scratching ur nuts, grab a can of beer from the fridge, slob out on sofa with remote glued to hand, yelling obscenities at the football match that is on, telling the players how they should really play coz u obviously know it all..... then congratulate urself on the result by having a wank shower.... then proceed to head to the pub to leer at women and act like a total tosser as u get more n more pissed?? Lol

OP posts:
OneHandFlapping · 22/02/2012 11:11

I'd pick someone up for a shag and then never phone them.

Dlamis · 22/02/2012 11:15

Only 5 posts long and i'm already rofl

R2PeePoo · 22/02/2012 11:21

I'd practice weeing standing up.

And rearranging my trouser contents every few minutes

I'd enjoy the full range of arm movement you get when you don't have FF cup breasts.

I'd go the mechanic/builder's merchants/bank and enjoy not being patronised

I'd find out exactly why it takes my DH 20 minutes to shit whereas I am always up and washing my hands after 5 minutes.

SoupDragon · 22/02/2012 11:23

Surely the first thing everyone would do is have a wank. Just for comparison purposes you understand.

Then they would sit on a bus/train with their legs wide apart.

Run for a bus without the need of a sports bra.

eandz · 22/02/2012 11:27

if I was a man--I assume my husband would be a woman?

okay, if this is the case:

I would impregnate her.
I would ignore all our parents and expect her to send cards,gifts and make those phone calls every two weeks.
I would expect her to chase around our toddler and tap my leather clad foot in the kitchen and say "looks like we'll be going out to eat again!"
I would put toddler to bed two hours early so that we can have a quiet dinner +romantic time after and when toddler wakes up at 3am I'll make sure my wife spends quality time with our child.

OneHandFlapping · 22/02/2012 11:31

I'm sensing you would enjoy this eandz Grin

Original poster
ninkynonkpinkyponk01 · 22/02/2012 11:33

Am sat here laughing away to myself at ur posts so far! I think I would also attempt to multi-task just to see if it was humanly possible for a man to actually do this. I would also get really emotional about a sports match that didn't go the way I wanted, then proceed to take out my frustration on everyone else whilst sulking. I would choose a random destination and then drive to it without asking for any directions whatsoever and then blame the person in the car with me for getting us lost as it couldn't possibly be my fault. I would also heavily exercise then go on the London underground at peak time, making sure no seats were available, hold onto the rail above for stability, and make sure my disgusting sweaty armpit was in some poor woman's face, then laugh as the tube jolts forcing her forward into it...

OP posts:
TheRhubarb · 22/02/2012 11:34

I'd just wank all day.
Then go to the pub and sit on my own drinking without the slightest chance of getting hassled.
Fiddle down there in public.
Wolf whistle at passing girls whilst making sexist comments like "cor look at that MILF!" so she can go home and post on Mumsnet about how flattered she was to be noticed by A MAN!

Then I'd wank some more.

eandz · 22/02/2012 11:37

i would also, never ever ever inflict my cooking on anyone.

oldwomaninashoe · 22/02/2012 11:40

I would come home from work, (after riding on the tube with my legs wide apart) ask the Dw when she gets in (always later than me) does she have a paper?
I will read the paper, keeping her company of course while she cooks dinner. I will then ask "when will dinner be ready,?" and "Do I have time for a shower?"
After dinner I will go and sit in the lounge and watch all the things I've Sky-plussed falling into a deep sleep and snoring loudly. At about 2am I will wake up and go bed and put my cold feet on the DW, who will at this point shout obsenities at me. To calm her down I will tell her how much I love her and what lovely tits she has!

sonicrainboom · 22/02/2012 11:56

Why would you do such shitty things to others if you were men?
And why is this in "Relationships"?

Rosenkrantz · 22/02/2012 12:19

I presume they're describing their other halves, so if that's what the relationships are like, this is where it belongs.

Sanjeev · 22/02/2012 12:33

I'd have a headache AND sex, just to see if it was possible...

Original poster
ninkynonkpinkyponk01 · 22/02/2012 12:43

Because we 'could' sonicrain. And its in relationships coz I decided it would be....Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
ninkynonkpinkyponk01 · 22/02/2012 12:45

Lol sanjeev!

I would also be very smug that I don't 'deteriorate ' during the night like women do! (From experience I go to bed looking relatively normal, and wake up looking like I have been dragged through a bush backwards! )

OP posts:
Sneezeblossom · 22/02/2012 12:48

I'd pee standing up, all over the place.

I'd get paid 20% more for doing exactly the same job.

Id go out for a walk on my own at night and not worry.

esperance · 22/02/2012 13:01

Oh yes Sneezeblossom.

I too would like to experience walking around alone at night as a man. Would I have that little radar system that women have? The men I have asked say no they don't but I would like to experience this for myself inside a male body and mind.

Sneezeblossom · 22/02/2012 13:07

Radar system?

Sanjeev · 22/02/2012 13:15

Some lovely observations here, but can someone explain the 'walking on my own at night' one? It's gone right over my head, sorry. Where to, what for?

SunRaysthruClouds · 22/02/2012 13:20

I would:

  • Get up at 6am, make sure breakfast is available for my children who live with me + paying guests for when they get up
  • Leave at 6.30 to travel 80 miles to work
  • Work (+ look at MN occasionally)
  • Get back home at 7.30
  • Cook dinner and tidy the kitchen
  • See if there is any washing that needs doing or any other household stuff
  • Think about whether I should respond to my wife?s solicitor?s letter asking for money again
  • Sit down at about 10pm for half an hour
  • Go to bed

And in fact ? that is what I do ? yippee Smile

SunRaysthruClouds · 22/02/2012 13:24

Oh - and scratch my balls occasionally too - couldn't get by without that.

SardineQueen · 22/02/2012 13:28

I would do a wee standing up
It'd be interesting to have sex
Go to the pub and have a couple of quiet pints and feel how nice it is to not have anyone approaching etc

ooh ooh ooh apply for a load of jobs and see if I get any further as a bloke!