'I'm not doing the school run'

[Quattrocento]

Announced DH, ten minutes ago. Tuesdays are his day, and not mine. I take a deep breath, for I am booked on a 7am flight (which means check-in at 6am and getting up at 5am) which he knew all about, well in advance.

I ask him why. He tells me he does not have to explain himself. Which I think means that he has no good reason for not taking them. Before you ask, there is zero public transport, it's 8 miles away and too far to walk/cycle and all available lifts seem to be taking extended half-terms.

He is being a twat of the first order, and I have no idea why. I've booked a taxi for the DCs, so that problem is solved, despite it not being my problem to solve. But I am concerned about DH's general twattishness here.

So tell me why my husband is being a twat. I'd like to know.

I'd be more worried about the only person agreeing being Bonsoir than anything else...but the loving is a fab idea! Send him over Francewards.

You are in denial SaF.

No woman is truly happy alone. You need someone to fuss over and pander to.

Been lurking on this whole thread. Someone may well have said this already, but surely the crux for OP is not necessarily finding out why diddums had his tantrum, but for OP to make it plain that it is not acceptable? That random twattery cannot be just swept under the carpet, to accumulate until it gives her an ulcer?

During making this plain, reasons for twattery can be discovered and possibly dealt with.

I'm late to this, but astounded all the same.

My response to 'I don't have to explain myself to you' would be a very loud, incredulous 'The FUCK you don't!'

I just cannot imagine letting that go. I wouldn't be able to sleep for being so angry/bewildered.

I wouldn't put up with this level of disrespect.

You are capable of looking after your family yourself.

You both have utter contempt for each other and the kindest thing to do would be to call a halt to all this nonsense.

You/he can then move to a place where these issues of transport wouldn't arise.

I cant beleve op doesnt think this is a majorly horrible thing for your dh to do to her. I also cant believe certain posters think that she better be nice to him in case he feels upset and runs off with someone else. I am continously amazed that some people have such low standards they expect frm the supposed love of their lives.

I agree that it is the disrespect.

If he couldn´t be arsed to do the school run & said he´d send the children in a taxi-big deal!

If he´s not happy with his contribution to childcare/housework/taxiing, then he needs to discuss that with OP-like an adult & look for a solution that suits them both.

Another lurker here. Just wanted to say that, while DH did indeed act like a twat, howling about the fact that he simply shouldn't have done so will not get the OP anywhere.

He sounds like he's quite used to behaving this way and while I personally would not put up with it (mostly because the phrase 'WTF?!' comes rapidly to mind) it sounds like Quattro does not routinely confront such behaviour with probing questions that might lead to an argument. If those are the habits you've got into then it must be difficult to speak up even if others do assure you that you're right.

I think I can see Bonsoir's point about needing to sit down and discuss the situation calmly rather than having a stand-up row. I don't think Bonsoir has ever actually said 'I condone DH's behaviour' - am I misguided there? Personally stand-up rows scare me, which is why I tend to ask questions immediately rather than let myself brood and brood and get into a proper resentful state, because that would start a proper row. So far the 'ask immediately and maintain a cool head' approach has worked really well and we've never properly torn each other to bits.

I feel bad for the OP that she has clearly got used to not being able to say what she thinks immediately and instead needs to vent on internet forums. That must suck :(

Quattro, you think you will never get to the reason behind his behaviour. Does taht sound like a marriage made in heaven? How do you feel about spending the rest of your life with someone who will not explain why he bahves badly when he does, but expects you to just take it on the chin?

You may think now that you'll never get to the bottom of it, but that's because you're already porepared not to push for an answer. Change your mind. Decide that you do want an answer. You do want to know why. You do want your h to explain himself. Don't back down. Don't allow him to just sulk like a spoilt brat. Make him behave like an adult and think about what he did, why, and make him face the fact that it was unreasonable and he shouldn't have done it, should not do it again and should apologise and make it up to you properly.

Otherwise it'll go on forever, won't it? One day, you'll be so sick of it that you'll feel only contempt for him. Pfffft! Not the thread, the marriage, all gone.

You may not have aired previous issues, Mal but you hinted enough at them to make it clear there were issues and that is out of order imo. Especially when someone has name changed to gain anonymity.

Quattro - you are strong. Don't take crap from your H.

If she wants anonymity then dont post personal matters on public forums. Simples.

it's commonly understood that one can namechange for privacy on here bellstar and it is an unsaid courtesy that we don't out people when they namechange to post about a personal issue. i won't put 'simples' at the end of that because it looks dumb and PA.

meant to add a to soften that. i think i come over as really aggro on here sometimes because i don't use smilies much.

you are so bitter SaF

heh heh

SAF - you need to master the art of the passive aggressive

HTH

it's cos i don't have a live-in manchild innit? well actually i have my 4yo and i have to say he seems a lot more mature and emotionally intelligent than many of the men you hear about on these threads

mind you even he thinks we need a live in man. when asked to clarify what he needs to be like he apparently needs to play anything ds wants him to and do all the housework and cooking and then i could get lots more rest. sounds tempting when it's put like that but can't see it somehow.

Well I think we all agree he was being a twat. I think Quattro you do need to try and find out why he was being a twat. He knows you better than we do. He knows you are not one for confrontation. He knew you would just deal with it and you did. He then pushed further by saying he didn't need to explain himself. He then tried to ascertain if you were angry. He is trying very hard to get a reaction from you. Why is that?

The hotel thing is strange too. Did you ask him why he thought that would be a good idea?

Been out all day and just logged on to read this as its one of the threads I'm on - and I have to say that your postings on this thread have been absolutely freakish, Malificence. I don't recall anyone being so persistant in trying to bring up something from another poster's history. Peculiar and unpleasant imho.

But she didnt bring it out did she? she alluded to it and commented that it may explain some of the dh/twats behaviour. Op chose to not comment or explain the past history. Mal did not bring it up again-I did because I am quite frankly by the way the op has responded to this thread and to the advise she has been given on it.

Peculiar and unpleasant-is that a personal attack mnhq?-so hard to tell nowadays

No need for her to bring it up in the first place.

Report me if you like, I have no problem with that. I stand by what I said. She "alluded" to it 3 or 4 times.

I agree with bibbity - I always thought the 'done thing' was not to bring up other threads and never to do so if the person had namechanged. That would have freaked me out bigtime if I was Quattro.

I don't find the OPs reactions and responses at all odd - what is odd is seeing that I appear to have a double I would have reacted in a similar way. After 20+yrs with my man-child I would have just organised what needed to be done for the dcs and refused to engage with his games. Detaching from someone who was/is often an emotional time bomb was my way of coping with life. My man child had addiction issues and although not actively using any drug of choice his whole personality was geared around highs and lows and rushes of emotion. I'm not built like that.

I made a choice to stay - which the OP appears to have also done. In the end he chose to leave for an OW with whom he could have "passion". I wish him no malice and from what I hear he's had more emotion in his life in the last 12 months than the previous 25yrs .

If your basic personality is to be reasonable and calm then you become very pragmatic when dealing with someone who isn't. I will say to the OP though that I had underestimated the toll this was taking on me - I am so much happier now he's an exH - while i coped ok within the marriage I am far happier and more relaxed (though financially poorer) than I can ever remember.

I dont feel the need to report people-I thought this was an adult forum?

"Peculiar and unpleasant-is that a personal attack mnhq?"

that's a rhetorical question then I take it.

(sorry for undignified squabbling on your thread Quattro am going to leave it now, hope you sort it out with dh - give him what for I say)