attracted to my dentist, what do I do? try not to laugh..!

[hisgentletouch]

I just realised that I really like and fancy my dentist of many, many years. I don't see him often, once a year usually. In Last two weeks I saw him twice for check-up and then some work. I'm a nervous wreck with dental stuff, and I was just struck how gentle and nice he was. I started thnking that I'd like his touch generally . I think there is a bit of attraction from him, he looked at my body couple of times but also we make each other laugh. He used to be married and he generally never seriously registered on my radar as I was in other relationships, even though there was always a bit of rapoprt and I liked him, he's youngish, 40s, and used to look nice but this year he looks very rundown and thin, which is not putting me off, the opposite! He's also a small guy and I usually go for tall (I'm tall). I find myself thinking about him a lot, as so many men I've been with in the past lacked this sensitivity. Suddenly it's not about looks or social confidence, I just like his personal qualities and that makes me attracted rather than obvious outward sexiness!
How do I approach it? I don't have his email address and it's not on their site. He's very busy and a partner in practice. I want to find out whether he's separated or divorced. There are no photos of the wife anymore, but I need to know for sure. I don't know either whether he'd be interested but would want to take a chance.
Has anyone got examples of this working for you, or for a friend?

I'm not a dentist but an optometrist and have to say that we do get thank you cards from time to time and I have never seen it as a hint that the patient would like a relationship.( Possibly because most of mine come from sweet little old ladies!) But even if I thought they would, aside from the fact that I'm happily married to my dh, I would never, ever ask a patient out. I would feel it was very unprofessional. If there's going to be asking done, you will have to do it yourself and be prepared to transfer your dental care elsewhere if he says yes.

chip - thank you. Yes, I can see that he's extremely unlikely to ask him. The possible plan was that IF he acknowledges ny mote just in a plite way, then I may ask him whether he wants to go for a coffee at his lumchbreak or something like this unpressurising. Or I could ve tried to get some talk going. As I say, I'll be moving soon so transferring is fine. Maybe when I move I should contact him and say that i moved i.e. don't have to be his patient anymore?
Would you say yes and transfer them if you liked them? or still would rather not?

*to ask me

Followed all this thread and think it's SO sweet. Back in December I put out a thread about my feelings for a well-known pop star and folk were't very kind , not in a bullying way but saying they didn't know the school holidays had started yet etc. (I said nor did I...I wouldn't know-I'm 30)!! LOL (I look about 18 though as I have an illness (and good genes ) making me like this. Just this month he follows me on Twitter and has sent me THREE tweets!, brief admittedly but still...hope is sometimes everything in life . In one he called me "awesome" and said he loved my tweets!. My point is unless you try you never know what might come of something. What's the worst that could happen?, you lose him as a Dentist?, what's the best?, you marry him and live happily together . I personally would go for it!. Life is short and if someone can find some happiness in this difficult life then why not?. I admit it's not strictly professional but we are human beings and like you say hisgentletouch it's not like it's a Dr treated a mentally vulnerable person...you're a Dental patient not someone with these types of problems. I'd tell him IF you can live with any consequences. I was inlove with a young man who worked in a coffee shop, it's a long story and it blew up in my face once he found out how I felt but looking back I don't regret telling him, despite the troubles it caused. I have a life-threatening illness and so know all too well how you should go for everything in life. He may not feel the same and if so there's nothing you can do, but even in this case, like me with the lad from the coffee shop you can always say you tried. On the other hand he might! and you'd be so glad you did it! (don't want to build your hopes up though). I'll bet you there are a good few couples out there that are Patient-Dentist, it's not beyond the rhelms of possibilty!. The one worry I do have (in any case not just Dentist) is if he's married or not, you REALLY do need to find this out. I'd personally work on that first if I were you. If you find out divorced-GO FOR IT!!. Hope it works out for you! x

Gary Newman actually met and married a fan who hung around at the back door of all his gigs. In fact I think I read that she turned up on his doorstep and bothered him until he realised he actually really liked her though I might have imagined that bit.

She is the love of his life and they are still together with three kids. Seize the day! You might at least get a good bonk and some free root canal treatment.

And a lifetime supply of floss.

MyBaby, thank you for your post and message, will pm later. Yes, I've always been of the school of thought that it's best to try and fail than not try. I often did fail, and for a while it does knock the wind out of you make you cautious. But I still find empty fantasies boring and pointless. You should continue what you are doing if he knows about you now, just don't build up hopes. Or just love him without wanting anything from him.
I do want to 'go for it' but how?? any suggestions on how to speak to him directly as there is ALWAYS the nurse there and also I can't engineer fake appointments anyway...phone surgery? izzy suggested to go off his books and then approach, I may do that, but again phone or send another (direct) note explaining that i will move etc.? So far he hasn't replied to my thank you note, I though if he did I will then be more direct, but it looks like they don't tend to reply to those according to Mumsnet medics. And that they would never see it as a come on.
As to being married - again, how to find out without paying money and spending hours on internet 9really don't want to make that much effort at this stage). I think if he's married this will be clear during my approach, so that's fine.
I could try to bump into him at lunchtime as I think he goes to nearby coffee shop but hmmm, it's a bit questionable..or do you think that's ok? Of course I may spend an hour at the cafe like a fool and nothing happens, and don't think I'll last more than about twice doing that! even then, not sure I'll have courage to ask him direct questions, plus he'll probably be rushed.
HillyW - this is a big exception though, normally celebs politely avoid (if nice) or use gagging for it fans (if nasty). It could work for a short while in a nice way, of course, but very rarely ltr-s come about!

Right, well I suppose the best thing to do would be to ring the surgery and ask for him to phone you. Hopefully he would do that from his own office, so no nurse and at least she can't hear what you're saying. Then ask him out. Sorry but I don't think there's any way of beating around the bush here, he really can't ask you out.
If he says about not dating a patient, you could then explain that you would be willing to transfer, and then maybe ask him if he needs some time to think about it and call you back.
You could try the coffee shop thing but tbh, I would be a bit put out if a patient was lying in wait for me in a coffee shop. It would seem a bit stalker-ish to me.

chip, you made me laugh (re 'lying in wait in coffee shop') just so funny, tiger-like..I know, I'd rather not. I only thought of it as the address I'm registered under is still an old one very near the surgery/cafe, so it could well be that I just went there to get a coffee. But - after sending a thank you, it might look dodgy!
You are right the best way it to phone and then give him time to think. Also if he's not single he'll probably say so right away which would help. I also thought that at least no one will hear what I say, though it sounds like he'll have to report this conversation like they report everything! are you a doctor yourself? would this be so? still even if yes, at least it's less embarassing. Will I have enough courage, hmm. No point waiting, do you think, for him to acknowledge my thank you note, which I'd see as encouragement?

I fancy my dentist - we are both married, but I enjoy flirting with him. He has quite a flirty nature though, and he knows he is attractive.
What would I do if I was single - and suspected he was? I would turn the flirting up a few notches and give him some lingering eye contact. I probably wouldn't have the bottle to do much more than that though..

kiss, it's hard to go all flirty when you just had a filling done and your face is a bit puffy - even more so while he's doing work, as I do value my teeth, plus nurse hovering. But by the end we had quite a strong eye contact in the little time there was. I think he noticed the atttraction, it's hte subtle signals. I am scared of asking him directly on the phone, pretty sure there is some reason he can't go out with me, would feel like a lemon. This is why I thought of a cafe _ much more opportunity to flirt and see reaction. will have to do one or the other. Your dentist sounds much more confident than my if he openly flirts. It may be because he knows it's safe as you are both married.

*than mine

Yes - I think my dentist is very flirty with all his female clients.
I know what you mean by the difficulty of flirting in a dentists chair - I suppose the goggles don't help either with the eye contact!

well it's kind of bad taste to flirt in the chair when he's doing work but also you look far from your best and very tense! all eye contact (and him looking at my figure) happened afterwards, though in the chair there were more tactile moments . What can I say, I just loved it when he touched my face (tmi).
Did he say anything flirty?

I come with tidings that may bring you some joy, hgt

My googling research has unearthed a case where a married dentist was slapped on the wrist suspended for 3 months for having it off an affair with a patient who remained registered at his practice during the course of their 18mth long relationship.

It would therefore seem that there is no bar or risk to his professional standing should your dentist succumb to your lust advances providing you have registered with another practice before doing the actual deed he surrenders to your charms.

Now it's a question of you accidentally on purpose bumping into him out of hours. On the basis that he might call in for a baguette and java to go, I suggest you nix the cafe idea.

As every medic I've known, including those that are on-call over the weekend, can be relied on to be easily located in a hostelry near to their place of work towards the end of the working week, I suggest you lurk near his practice on a Thursday or Friday evening to see if your victim dentist makes his way to the nearest pub.

Don't despair if he drives off in his car note the colour, make, model, and reg number and try again at a later date.

It's probable that he lives within striking distance of his practice - have you got his home address? If not, please feel free to pm me for tips on how to access this info.

Btw, in the hope that lurking covert surveillance pays off first time, wear flats

I'm not a doctor, just a lowly optometrist! But I think the general ethics are much the same.
at izzy, you are a bit scary!

izzy your input is priceless! here I was, gloomy of a Monday morning, but now in fits of laughter!
you are spot on really about cafe - I saw him coming back once with a takeaway coffee etc.(although there are always queues in the area at lunch so could've had a chance to chat in a nice slow queue). I do wish this wasn't central london, as he probably uses nearby tube to go home rather than go to a nearest pub, hmm maybe I should join him on the tube? still who knows, he may be desperate for a drink straight after work..Your plan does require tenacity but could be worth it, haha.
Flats, oh yes, I'm already taller even in flats! I wore them to last two appointments so that he might see it as a realistic option and not think of me as too much above him in both senses . I think I only need to take myself off books after this potential encounter, not before (in case he's married and nothing will happen, at least i will keep him as dentist).
I must say 3 months wasn't that bad considering, I wonder how did they found out about the patient? can't imagine hte patient would have told.
I don't know where he lives as he may well live outside of london. He'd need to be v.rich to live near the practice (I know he was married before so he'd have to have a big place), of course if he is divorced now he wouldn't have stayed in family place, and may be flatsharing. Still I think most doctors tend to live in/towards the better suburbs. There is nothing on the free page of 192 and you have to register for more, plus his name is not rare. Address info would be useful only if he is local to surgery, really, as anywhere else my presence would def look stalkerish.

chip, so would he have to report my phonecall if I did that, and everything i said to him?
izzy, I take it you are not a fan of the idea of being direct on the phone? too much of putting him on the spot?

If he is not on 192.com then he must have opted out- if you are searching the right location. It usually shows who lives where and who else is also in the house.

If you are keen to know, why not pay the few quid and do a search?

Have you tried the other usual places to find people- Face Book, Friends Reunited, etc etc.

A friend of mine tried a ploy once with a dr who was treating her mum- but not her! she phoned his secretary and asked for his address , and also if she ought to address the "invitation" ( all fictitious) to his wife as well. I think they said he wasn't married.

Worth a go- you don't have to say who you are- you could make up any old kind of ruse for wanting his details.

amelia, he may be on 192 as there are a number of people with his initial and surname - but how on earth do I know which one is him? and I can only try London. this is just looking at the page that comes up without registering.
Did it work for your friend with that doctor? what did she do with his address? I think the receptionist was a bit unprofessional giving her his details, she really should have asked him first (and told him who phoned), in this case they are not chatty/informal and they wouldn't I'm sure. And what would I do with his address? I might try to get info from my hygienist whether he's divorced, when I have my next appointment (very soon) though again there is a number of staff and they may not be on personal terms.

just had to say to akiss i am a dentist and i am not weird. so there. that is all.

sorry for the non helpful post op!

I don't use FB, again looked at first page that came up, he wasn't there, otherwise need to register. Can't imagine he'd have time for all these sites like Friends - for one, he needs to rest his eyes after doing treatments all day! All this still doesn't help approaching him - I don't want him to think that I went to all these lengths just to talk to him online on FB or other ones, it'd be very odd for someone he knew as patient for long time.
it has to be a one-to-one approach, either by phone or izzy's plan!
being married is less of an issue meaning that he can tell me at once when I approach. Though I will try to ask hygienist too.

yummy, you can write anything !
would you have to report a phone conversation if a patient asked you out on the phone? (if they said they will stop being a patient if you decided to go out)