attracted to my dentist, what do I do? try not to laugh..!

[hisgentletouch]

I just realised that I really like and fancy my dentist of many, many years. I don't see him often, once a year usually. In Last two weeks I saw him twice for check-up and then some work. I'm a nervous wreck with dental stuff, and I was just struck how gentle and nice he was. I started thnking that I'd like his touch generally . I think there is a bit of attraction from him, he looked at my body couple of times but also we make each other laugh. He used to be married and he generally never seriously registered on my radar as I was in other relationships, even though there was always a bit of rapoprt and I liked him, he's youngish, 40s, and used to look nice but this year he looks very rundown and thin, which is not putting me off, the opposite! He's also a small guy and I usually go for tall (I'm tall). I find myself thinking about him a lot, as so many men I've been with in the past lacked this sensitivity. Suddenly it's not about looks or social confidence, I just like his personal qualities and that makes me attracted rather than obvious outward sexiness!
How do I approach it? I don't have his email address and it's not on their site. He's very busy and a partner in practice. I want to find out whether he's separated or divorced. There are no photos of the wife anymore, but I need to know for sure. I don't know either whether he'd be interested but would want to take a chance.
Has anyone got examples of this working for you, or for a friend?

[hisgentletouch]

shiny, what an enjoyable post !
Ooh, I'm jelous re gentle touch! I'd put up with backseat brushing advice (you are funny!) for that, anytime.
So you mean he still treats you? so why would care have to be transferred - is it because he couldn't do it dispassionately or something? I really for the life of me can't see another reason.
Good thing he tells you about patients asking him out, is he not embarassed treating them afterwards? I assume you were not a patient when you started dating?
Well, Plilip was also outed as the poster always thought he was gay anyway, apart from sailors card .

[hisgentletouch]

bird, yes, to think of it there is adrenalin mainly, but also the endorphins once you are past the worst. but it's only one sided though, isn't it, not for the dentist!?

[ruthlesskangaroo]

I say go for it :o The worst that could happen is a bit of embarrassment and you might have to change your dentist if you couldn't face him if he rejects you. But life is way too short.

[hisgentletouch]

well, I've just gone and sent him a thank you note, a few sentences. As you say ruth, life's too short! I feel i have nothing to lose and I won't be changing my dentist either. The only thing is, the note is tamesafe and not asking him out, but he can now contact me if he wants to and if he's single. He'd have to ask me out or hint at it which is probably a bit unfair (to put the ball in his court), but I didn't want to be blunt as I don't want losing him as a dentist if HE finds it awkward. As it is, it's not awkward, but it's a risk that he sees it just as an innocent thank you.

[shinyblackgrape]

I thiinkmcare needs to be transferred as you met when you were a patient so, if things didn't work out, you might claim that he took advantage of his position of trust to procure the relationship. Also, might be a bit awkward if you split up generally.

I met dh in a bar and he only started treating me a few years after we were going out as we lived in different cities so once we moved in and I needed a new dentist.

He's not embarrassed at all if they've asked him out - although he puts something in the notes. Just to cover himself. I think it's discussed at uni in terms of how to deal with things because like the op says it can be quite common due to the environment and the number of people they meet - rather than them all being sex beasts!

[toddlerama]

This is hilarious! I HATE going to the dentist and far from trauma bonding with them I tend to view them as my mortal enemy. Only the male ones though. The female ones I'm grateful for, because by virtue of their existence I don't have to let the male ones in my mouth! Now I think I might not be normal...

[redrubyshoes]

My dentist took my stitches out after my appendectomy. He was my boss and a doctor as well as a dentist.

Now that is intimate. We were both red with embarassment but it saved me a trip to the doctors!

Never fancied him though.

[hisgentletouch]

shiny, I find this is such PC bollocks, how could a dentist procure relationships unless the woman was interested in him?? If anything dentists are more off putting to most people because it's never pleasant. yes, she trusted him with her teeth, but he's not a psychologist working with an unbalanced patient! My God, putting this in his notes must be so embarassing to the women (they probably dont know) as then the whole pracice and the nurse know! Do you think my dentist will have to put my thank yo note in the notes too??
The poster above though did date her dentist, and he didn't mind!

[ThePinkPussycat]

It's not PC though is it? It's protection against vindictiveness and false allegation.

Don't fancy mine. And he has the worst chairside manner ever - he looks all seriously at the X-rays and then says 'don't think that one's going to last much longer' He is a good dentist tho, and NHS as well.

[hisgentletouch]

well, this kind of vindictiveness shouldn't be allowed as a basis for any prosecution, we are talking about adults, and not a mental treatment! it's sexist too, as if a woman can't make her own choices but is somehow influenced by the doctor, ridiculous. I can understand if it's a GP who sees a very ill patient all the time with some ongoing treatment, but honestly how a dentist can influence a once a year patient. Maybe in my case it would help that I've been his patient for 10yrs+ now, and he never managed to cast some evil spell before, so must have been my choice, and he wouldn't be worried?

[hisgentletouch]

ThePink, I think it's good that he's honest, even though it's funny to read about his manner. I think mine is the opposite, I always feel he's playing everything down just not to worry me.

[hisgentletouch]

so what do you think, will he see this note I've sent as a hint? I hope so. I doubt it that many patients send him thank you notes.

[Dozer]

Suggestion for how to find out if he's single. Find a friendly and gossipy elderly woman with bad teeth and confide in her, ask her to find out. She can chat to the receptionist about "the nice young dentist" looking sad and thin, no photos of his wife etc and get the low-down (if receptionist is unprofessional). Or if she's flirty flirt with him, and if he says he's happily married ha ha there's your answer.

Of course he could be exhausted looking cos his wife's had DC, and the pics might have been taken down due to a change in policy!

I once fancied a dentist, only met him once at the dental hospital, he removed my wisdom teeth under local anaesthetic. I was batting my eyelashes and thinking there had been a spark, tried chatting him up and was feeling positive, then saw a mirror: hamster puffy face to extent that had no visible neck, blood, drool and bits coming out of both sides of mouth, bruising. And (strangely most mortifying of all) had not removed hair from my upper lip! So either he was a weirdo who liked hairy-lipped vampires I must've imagined it!

[AKissIsNotAContract]

Quite a few patients send thank you notes and occasionally send gifts. I don't think he'll see it as a come on. Yes he will need to record in your notes that you sent it, just as he would if you'd sent a complaint letter.

Shiny: I'm just like your DH with brushing!

[ThePinkPussycat]

I only meant the having to note it in the records if an approach is made as mentioned by shiny is a safeguard.

I am glad you have taken what steps you can hgt, you go for it!

I sort of enjoy going to my dentist, I have ribbed him straight out about his manner, and as he's about my age, we chat about confronting our advancing age

[hisgentletouch]

AKiss, OMG is it THAT draconian?! why would he have to put that in his notes, if not a complaint (and surely if I complained I'd do it through the practice not to him personally as he might have pretended he never received), I hope he wouldn't have to relate the note word by word as it was a tiny-tiny bit flirty, i.e. one compliment to him?
But say if there was chemistry and he did feel it (as I think is hte case) would he npt that see the note as a come on?
ThePink, do you agree with that, regarding the notes?
Dozer, was he a good dentist at all having you put in sucj a state - is this what removing one molar does!or was he too distracted by your flirting ? i take it you didn't ask each other out.

[hisgentletouch]

AKiss - so would the whole practice and the nurse look at his notes? or are the notes private unless he has to use them?

[ThePinkPussycat]

Shiny's h doesn't have to put thank you cards in his notes, I imagine, just overt come-ons from patients, shiny's words were 'if they asked him out' hope I am right shiny?

[ThePinkPussycat]

And if he did end up asking you out, I don't think that would go in the notes

As someone once said 'shy boys get no cake' and you have done what you can short of hanging round the surgery at the end of the day

[redrubyshoes]

I would try and find out his interests rather than approach him as a patient. Maybe he likes photography or art or cars etc.

Join a club that he belongs to (but don't come across as a weird stalker)

[shinyblackgrape]

No - I think he records everything. He gets millions of boxes of biscuits from old ladies at Christmas and records that too. It's just another patient interaction I suppose. I think it's only one line - and the bare facts. Not "omg - hisgentletouch asked me out today but I said no cos she's a minger and then my nurse and I pissed ourselves when she left!"

I think you just have to wait and see now. Chill out - let him do whatever he thinks is appropriate re his notes and taking this further!

Akiss - that brushing thing runs deep!

[AKissIsNotAContract]

It's not draconian, it's to protect patients and protect dentists. If he received a complaint he couldn't just ignore it, there is a formal complaints procedure he would have to follow. Yes the nurses and receptionists will have access to the notes but they will have all signed confidentiality agreements so they won't be able to discuss details with people from outside of the practice. I wouldn't worry, I'm sure he'll be pleased that you took the time to thank him.

[Shoutymomma]

At least you have an excuse for drooling.

[hisgentletouch]

AKiss, I fully see the point of lodging a complaint, though most people would complain to the surgery officially. But 'thank you' notes are nothing to do with protection, are they? do you record them yourself? As to the nurse knowing, that's awkward! I hope she doesn't routinely look in his notes.
shiny - you do make me laugh (that "omg she asked me out")!
I'll chill now, if nothing else I wanted to thank him anyway as I never really do that in surgery, being in a zombie state.

[hisgentletouch]

redruby, I have no way of finding out! also I think that would look stalkerish, it would be ok in a small town or village to bump into him in his club etc., but not in a big city.