attracted to my dentist, what do I do? try not to laugh..!

[hisgentletouch]

I just realised that I really like and fancy my dentist of many, many years. I don't see him often, once a year usually. In Last two weeks I saw him twice for check-up and then some work. I'm a nervous wreck with dental stuff, and I was just struck how gentle and nice he was. I started thnking that I'd like his touch generally . I think there is a bit of attraction from him, he looked at my body couple of times but also we make each other laugh. He used to be married and he generally never seriously registered on my radar as I was in other relationships, even though there was always a bit of rapoprt and I liked him, he's youngish, 40s, and used to look nice but this year he looks very rundown and thin, which is not putting me off, the opposite! He's also a small guy and I usually go for tall (I'm tall). I find myself thinking about him a lot, as so many men I've been with in the past lacked this sensitivity. Suddenly it's not about looks or social confidence, I just like his personal qualities and that makes me attracted rather than obvious outward sexiness!
How do I approach it? I don't have his email address and it's not on their site. He's very busy and a partner in practice. I want to find out whether he's separated or divorced. There are no photos of the wife anymore, but I need to know for sure. I don't know either whether he'd be interested but would want to take a chance.
Has anyone got examples of this working for you, or for a friend?

[SquashedSquirrel]

Two of my exDP's are Dentists (one is very well known/regarded within his specific field). They are both very intelligent, really nice gentlemen although one of them has major commitment issues.

Not sure if you can judge all Dentists and say they're weird? I'd date another Dentist if I happened to come across a handsome single one!

[daenerysstormborn]

[hisgentletouch]

I didn't think they were weird, but the lady dentist says that! I do worry a bit that they might be a bit dull socially, i.e. they don't have time for other interests with that high pressured job. And you wouldn't want to discuss the job!

[SquashedSquirrel]

His, when I said weird, I was referring to a previous comment by another poster. Must admit, neither of my ex's were dull, in fact they were the opposite if anything. One of them in particular is very driven and his career is clearly very important but he has a lot going on outside of dentistry.

[hisgentletouch]

yes, it's really individual. My dentist is not a super driven type though, but it suits me, as I'm not either! but I need a man who can talk about various things. Well, I'd like to find out, but will I have a chance.

[totallypearshaped]

careful... dentists are one of the top users of alcohol. His wife has disappeared from the picture for a reason, and he's looking thin and unkempt....

Alarm bells for me. I think he's on the sauce.

[UnhappyLizzie]

He might not be allowed to date you. He wouldn't if he were your doctor. I know about doctors but not dentists.

Either way, it sounds dodgy - don't know what your situation is, but it sounds like you want some tenderness and because this guy has a nice professional manner you are hoping to get it from him. Also the fact that you are MORE attracted to him because he looks wan and miserable isn't healthy. Nor is the fact that you are tall and he is a little guy who's not your normal type. I think you are projecting here. Sorry, but I would tread very carefully. Especially if you've got good teeth - don't go losing a good dentist!

[AKissIsNotAContract]

Squashed: I said 'most' not 'all' and my comment only half serious.

OP: what lizzie says above makes a lot of sense.

[HillyWallaby]

Are you assuming he is no longer married just because photos of his wife seem to have gone from his surgery? That doesn't seem a very accurate way of assessing his relationship status to me.

[AKissIsNotAContract]

Good point wallaby, it probably just means the CQC have been round and told him they were a cross infection risk.

[Yogii]

Being on the sauce makes you thin! What's this. Which ones? Diet pills and gastric bands are out, the sauce was the cure all the time.

But seriously, i wouldn't strike out an entire profession of the basis that some of them have a few. If reports are right, most middle class couples put away a couple of bottles of wine a night these days. Sad, but true.

[hisgentletouch]

Lizzie, you may be right. The fact is I didn't happen to meet gentle tender guys in the past few years, and been single for nearly a year so I'm very susceptible to a nice touch , and I realise now more clearly that this is exactly the type I like. Yes, it'd be much better if he wasn't my dentist! He's not miserable, he just got much thinner and is not as smiley as usual which actually doesn't make me more attracted, but I thought it might be a sign that he got divorced, he could get back to his normal self again, I hope! I meant it didn't put me off.
Yes, I know lots of doctors drink a lot, don't know about him, he's not dishevelled, just looks thin and less high-spirited.
Hilly, I did ask advice on how to find out if he's divorced for sure, not basing JUST on the photo, but it's also him looking different as i described.

[hisgentletouch]

'to liking a nice touch'

[FateLovesTheFearless]

My dentist is seriously hot stuff! Enjoy the distraction of lusting over him instead of being frozen in fear whilst he sticks a needle in your gob! I have to go see mine on wednesday...hurrah!

[hisgentletouch]

on the subject of 'types' btw: I bet most tall women think their type is a tall man, but quite a number end up with a shorter guy. I think visual types are very misleading, in my case they didn't prove to be keepers in the past, so I don't have a type anymore. Personality is crucial though, and chemistry. I did always like him as we have similar humour, and he looked nice, it's just i wasn't single then and didn't focus (and he was married of course! i think it's nonsense that framed photos aren't allowed for fire risk, he always used to have photos by the computer).

[hisgentletouch]

Fate ! it does help for sure, even though I'm still frozen every time, but I couldn't stand if dentist was heavy handed or grim personality!
I had a woman hygienist once, God, she was like some fury, needless to say I left for another one.

[FateLovesTheFearless]

I think its fairly normal to develop crushes on people in positions of trust. I would not act on it though, you might go for it and he not be interested, then you might have to change dentist out of embarressment and that would be a shame as it sounds as though he is a good one. Just perv on him instead!

I had a battleaxe for a dentist once. Man she was scary. A dental nurse friend told me the battleaxe once did some cover for friends dental practice and lasted two days because she was so horrible. Needless to say I changed pretty fast and got the hottest dentist ever. It was fate I tell you, fate!

[Pippa5l]

I once went out with my dentist. His name was Phil and I called him PhilMcAvity.
Anyway a Valentines card went to my parent s address one year many years ago. I didnt recognise the writing and just left it. Six months later a reminder appt letter went to my parents house and I recognised the writing. I had always thought he was gay and was very comfortable with him. We ended up going on a couple of dates, absolutely no physical contact. He then went on holiday to San Francisco and sent me a card with very camp sailors on the front.The whole thing fizzled out and many years later I saw him in Greenwich Park with a woman and he was pushing a buggy. All very strange.

[hisgentletouch]

Pippa, thanks for your post, at least someone did date the dentist! Maybe he was bi but did want a family so eventually got married. It's strange though going on dates and no physical contact! but this means that they are not scared to date patients, and honestly I can't see what's wrong with that, especially if a patent is seen once in a blue moon!
Did you actually bring it up after you recognesed the writing? or did he ask you out?
Seriously, I'm thinking of a thank you message, which is safe as if he's not interested it will be seen just as a thanks, and I won't be embarassed, but it will give him a chance if he wanted it. I'm not due to see him now for a year, so I think it's a good timing.

[hisgentletouch]

*recognised

[toucancancan]

I'd write him a thank you message, and include your address or mobile number. You don't have to invite him on a date or anything, but if he's interested then he can get in touch with you.

[hisgentletouch]

exactly toucan, thank you for encouragement. that was my thinking too. Though phone number maybe a bit too obvious? I was going to put my e-mail address (printed on top as if ahem happened to be there). Maybe it will still be obvious that I'm after something, but at least it can't be embarassing to me.

[shinyblackgrape]

My DH is a dentist and he's not that weird! dh has plenty of interests as he starts and finishes work much later/ earlier than me as he has pretty fixed hours of which I'm very jealous. I'm a lawyer so if/when we have dc, he'll be doing all pick ups etc! All dentists I know though are obsessed with cars though!

He does have a lovely gentle touch I must say - tmi alert!

He concurred that care would hav to be transferred. One thing I would say though, maybe it's just me, but I have to plead for appointments now! Also, he's quite obsessive about brushing and even if very pissed can be heard crashing round the bathroom at 3am doing the regulation 2 minutes. I try and avoid brushing my teeth in front of him now as I can't bear all the back seat brushing advice. On the plus side - I do have a very nice electric toothbrush, bleached teeth and an unlimited supply of mini toothpaste!

No it quite sure how you could ask him out though without it being mega cringe if he says no. I would just go for it. Dh has been asked out a few times by patients and apparently they've just gone for it. Good on them. He's only had one patient who's never returned after!

[shinyblackgrape]

Loving the fact that Philip mcavity has been outed as bi on choice of postcard connected with later sighting on Greenwich