So he kissed a girl....

[MomentarilyLost]

I started a thread about discovering my husband sending dirty emails to women and then going on to discover he had signed up to dating sites, singles chat rooms and had a secret facebook account.

All this has been going on during office hours.

So through means I am not proud of I have had the confirmation he has been sleeping with someone for two years. Another girl has told me they met and kissed.

I feel sick.

I feel stupid I didnt see this coming.

and do you know what..? the bastard still denies it.

I dont know how I will get through these coming days?

My poor children, I can barely talk at the minute

Any advice on how to pull myself together would be greatly received

I posted earlier as Ktmacca; just want to say exactly what AnyFucker said.
He will promise you the earth. He will promise to change. He will promise to do whatever you want. He will look DREADFUL and say only you can help him. Then when you don't cave in, he will blame YOU for what's happening. It will be YOUR fault because you didn't give him enough/love him enough/trust him enough.
Don't fall for it. Be prepared for it.
You have left him - you are no longer responsible for him, only for yourself and the DCs. And you are STRONG, worthy of MORE and on your way to becoming FABULOUS again!

I won't do it! I have come to far already in only a few day.

I cried so much the other night and instead of thinking what am I doing I want him back, maybe this is wrong. It made me all the more determined to see this through, what was wrong was that I was feeling this pain because of what he had done,the mess he had made. I don't want or need that from him anymore and that is all he will give me, more mess more pain.

I am doing this for the children as well as me. I was going about it all wrong, trying to protect and shelter them from the pain of us not being a family anymore. It was never going to get better.

I am getting it/there slowly but surely

I feel so much better not having to deal with the thoughts of how am I going to get through the agony of knowing he slept with someone else, get over the lies. I don't have to now :)

ML, it is such a revelation to finally say to yourself "I don't have to do this any more"

hold onto that, it will serve you very well indeed

See? I was right. You're getting Fabulous again already

AnyFucker, we're giving out some HOT advice tonight!!

Just checked in to see how you are doing ML.

The efforts you were making are all part of a familiar script. The person who isn't making the effort is the one who'll be unfaithful. Stands to reason really. You don't try to break something you've put a lot of effort into keeping pristine and alive do you?

For you, one of the worst things in life has happened, so the overflowing loo has given you some perspective. It's shit when stuff like this happens on top of everything else, but perhaps you thought 'if that was all I had to worry about, it would be a good day'? So you can take stuff like this in your stride because you're surviving a worse crisis and a leaky ceiling is small beer.

Agree with AF too about his hang-dog act tomorrow. You should be furious he's been irresponsible enough to lose his job (assuming it's because of his conduct and performance at work) not sorry for him. That means less money for your kids.

Try to be as detached as you can tomorrow. Sometimes it's best to stick to email contact in the early days, if seeing him is going to pull at your heart-strings and guilt you into misplaced sorrow for him. If you can't be hard-faced, don't put yourself through it. Business-like communication until you're strong enough to see him and feel nothing.

MS, with your rational brain and my beauty, we could be a brilliant double act

AF, I don't want to be rational! I want to be beautiful!

X post there. Phones playing up. I am getting it and I shall stay detached. I shall say again MN rocks!

AnyFucker - beautiful
MomentarilyLost - fabulous
Mushroom Soup- rational

Doesn't quite have the same ring does it?! It's like being the ugly Charlie's Angel!

And thank you for checking in Hatty, your insight and support has been very helpful x

Hi ML, still thinking of you.

ML, my daughters is doing GCSEs at the moment. She has had a truly crap two years and hasnt done much work, but spent alot of time smoking behind the bike sheds and boy chasing. I still have work to do with the two boys re a few more minor issues eg the middle one used always to be checking that 'I am alright', which is not his job. He is relaxing more now, but my daughter has woken up to the fact that she may have left it quite late, exam wise.

On the other hand, my 24 year old daughter has a good degree and a busy fun life.

Why the difference? My older one left home before all this crap started- the year before. Oh, and she started life in a single parent family too.

My point being that you have to get out of these messes to see things as clearly as you need to. People often worry about the effect of divorce on kids, but the insidious effects of living in a house where this sort of stuff is happening is far worse. Even when, on the face of it, as in my house, they know nothing at all of what has been going on.

By the way, you are doing great, really great. Next week, a trip to the hairdressers if you can possibly afford it will do wonders.

Thanks for that five oh and the hairdressers sounds like a good idea too,think I may be looking at DIY hair colour from now on,( why oh why did I ever decided to go blonde) but a nice cut wouldn't go a miss.
Talk with stbxh went ok we seemed to be on the same page.He then rang in the evening to talk to the dc he had had a drink and sounded upset, the dc were settled so I asked him to leave it I didn't want them unsettled before bed. He told me he was at his mums then told me in fact he was at the bottom of the our road, I have a feeling he may have come to the house because the dog was going nuts at something up the side of the house shortly before he rang but he said it wasn't him. Don't know what to believe from him. He is going to be upset and feeling lost but that's not the dc problem, he cant use them as a crutch. Why can't he put them first!
Arranged for him to come over tomorrow so we can tell the children together we are separating.
Worrying about how that is going to go. Landlord has said today they need to talk about increasing the rent. Worried that we won't be able to stay in our home now. Still worried my children are going to suffer because of my stupid husbands flaws. Worried and having a wobble tonight :(

stay strong xx
we are all thinking of you. thank you for sharing your story. i hope the meeting goes well tomorrow and just keep saying to yourself "this is not my fault" when your children get upset, because HE is the one who has caused this.

have a < hug > ML.

It will work out. Don't let money worries divert you.

tell him to not even think about being a dick re. the kids. Him feeling upset is not their problem, nor it is yours

Had a glass of wine tonight(thought it was better than the pills gp had prescribed but haven't taken yet) stbxh had started to make me feel like I couldn't have what I consider to be a healthy-ish drink because of his problems. But maybe I shouldn't have had drink because now I have just broken down at the sight of a picture of us together as a family :(
Maybe I am sharing to much here.
But I am scared and don't know where to turn

Managed to peek out into chat and had a look in lone parents tonight. Onwards and out of this mess hopefully

Cheers wafflingworrier and AF
Deep breathes and I won't allow him to mess with the children.

Just logged in to check on this thread ML.

You're bound to be feeling like this love. I said a while ago that his behaviour stopped you from feeling any grief before because he created so many dramas and crises. Tomorrow is a momentous day. Telling the children is the right thing to do, but you will feel drained and shakey afterwards. Once that is done, insist on having no face-to-face contact with him for a while, please. You're not yet strong enough to cope with his emotional manipulation. Expect tears and crumpling from him tomorrow and appeals to change your mind before telling the children. Please do stand firm and insist that you go ahead with your plans.

Afterwards, your priority while they're awake will be your little ones. Try to get your sis to come over asap so you've got someone to cuddle you throughout the aftermath. You shouldn't be on your own tomorrow evening.

Thanks Hatty.

I know I need time and the grief is starting to creep back in. And that's because it has never really been allowed to come out you are right.

Will make plans for after they are told x

Thinking of you ML

:( what a rotten day

i feel broken all over again

it was heart breaking to see my children break down in tears

i didnt know i could feel such hate, but i do

i hate what he has done to the children, i hate what he has done to me

i dont know what to do with this emotion

i am questioning if we ever had anything, i look back and our life together. the time that we had together, the moments i hold dear are just a pile of crap.
trying to find a way to ride this out but struggling
feel like all my hard work starting to put myself together has been undone today

I am so sorry, ML

just feeling so so sad right now

just had another fag and i dont even smoke

feeling very dazed tonight

Put a fag in each side of your mouth, and have a and a

cheers AF that made me :)

just poured myself a glass of as well