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Original poster

To have texted DPs friend pretending to be him?

907 replies

JamRagRolyPoly · 11/02/2012 13:48

DP got in at 5am last night, saw a text on his phone (he was there when I was looking for texts from me) from his friend saying 'strip club round the cormer' Hmm.

I outright asked him, did you go? He said no. He knows I'm very much against them. Now I'm wondering if he can lie to my face.

While he's in the shower I texted his friend pretending to be DP saying 'great night last night, how was the strip club' so his friend could potentially text back saying er you were there mate remember?

Aibu to want to know if my DP is capable of lying to my face? This troubles me more than the strip club, because then it's like, what else?

(I know tis sounds very childish btw)

OP posts:
takingiteasy · 11/02/2012 16:01

I enjoy a bit of porn now and again... so on that basis don't see how I can object to lap dancing clubs.

There's parts of every industry that I won't like I'm sure. I've known strippers who are totally in control of their lives and making their own decisions and earning pretty good money.

No every 'do minder' is taking the moral high ground, they just don't want their DP's watching other girls, they don't trust their DP's and view it as cheating. I wouldn't mind, I do trust and I don't see it as cheating.

BupcakesandCunting · 11/02/2012 16:02

What Paranoid just said. All of it.

And the clothes thing: I wouldn't knowingly buy clothes that were made using sweatshops. If you enter a lapdancing club and hand over your cash, you are knowingly paying for services provided by probably exploited women. I don't see how you can have a good time on the back of someone else's misery. Moreover, I don't see how so many women are "fine" with this.

takingiteasy · 11/02/2012 16:04

So you know they are probably expoloited? Confused

ilovesooty · 11/02/2012 16:04

If they can agree this was a mistake, make a committed agreement about future behaviour and move on then fair enough

Sounds reasonable to me - if it involves a 2 way expectation regarding trust, respect and appropriate behaviour.

redwineformethanks · 11/02/2012 16:05

Sorry you've found out that he lied to you, and about something you perceive as very important. Don't worry about what other people think about that. Be kind to yourself and get some real life support from your sister. If you decide this is a dealbreaker for you (maybe it is or isn't, that's your call), then don't be afraid to act on it and hold out for someone better suited to you. Don't let other people tell you it's not a big deal.

EirikurNoromaour · 11/02/2012 16:05

Haven't read the whole thread but...I watched a channel 4 doc about strip clubs recently, in a fully nude one. I may have been naive but I was shocked. A woman, completely naked, with her legs spread about a foot away from s guys face, parting her bum cheeks. That is not stripping in my opinion. I would not be ok with my DH going to a place like that even if he didn't get a 'dance'

anastaisia · 11/02/2012 16:06

The strip club is almost irrelevant anyway. It's essentially about the man not having enough respect for his partner to take her strong preferences into consideration.

Like if she'd said in the past - I feel strongly about living near to my parents, then he'd gone and taken a job in another country. She could choose not to go/not remain in a relationship with him because the job wasn't compatible with her priorities. And some priorities can be compromised while other's can't. Only the individual can decide but you aren't in the wrong for having them, or for choosing not to be with someone who feels differently.

Add to that the dishonesty - he didn't discuss the fact they feel differently about this in an adult way and find a solution that they could both agree on. He went ahead and did what he wanted, then covered it up. It isn't treating her with respect at all.

AnyFucker · 11/02/2012 16:06

I do believe that many women who have convinced themselves that they are "fine" with this, don't really have much choice in the matter Sad

or that they do actually have a choice, but think that they don't so unconsciously move the goalposts in order to live with what they know is wrong

there is much rationalising goes on in many relationships, this is simply another example of it

DodieSmith · 11/02/2012 16:07

I've been to these types of places in Thailand, and me and DH tried to pluck up courage to go in Amsterdam but were too scaredy cat.

notfluffyatall · 11/02/2012 16:08

Those that are going on about his abuse of her trust are forgetting that she was snooping through his phone and went even further and used it to deceive him further. Looks like they both have a trust issue.

As for the strip club, I couldn't care less if my DH went to a strip club, it's his choice as an adult and even if it was against my own values why should we automatically share all our values just because we're in a relationship.

JaneMare · 11/02/2012 16:08

No every 'do minder' is taking the moral high ground, they just don't want their DP's watching other girls, they don't trust their DP's and view it as cheating. I wouldn't mind, I do trust and I don't see it as cheating.

woah there..! that is a terrible thing to say, i'm a do-minder, but this has fuck all to do with trusting my DH or not!

takingiteasy · 11/02/2012 16:08

Don't have a choice? Are you for real?

Yeah, I'm battered into saying it's ok for my DP to go to a strip club even though he's never been to one in the past 10 years...

crystalglasses · 11/02/2012 16:08

I don't think this is a viable relationship as there is a lack of trust and understanding on both sides.

AnyFucker · 11/02/2012 16:09

keep trying, dodie, your ambition will come to fruition in the end if you just put in enough effort Hmm

LeQueen · 11/02/2012 16:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CuriousMama · 11/02/2012 16:09

EirikurN I watched something about strip clubs recently too and was also shocked. Dp's workmate saves for ages to go to one and told him what they do. I'm not naive either but didn't realise it was so graphic.

takingiteasy · 11/02/2012 16:10

That's why I meant to say NOT every do minder is taking the moral high ground...

takingiteasy · 11/02/2012 16:11

Dobie we went to a sex show in Amsterdam many moons ago, it was hillarious!

JaneMare · 11/02/2012 16:11

didn't want to have to join this thread again taking..it's veered way off the OP, who has said she minded, it's about her after all...

DodieSmith · 11/02/2012 16:11

Not an ambition. Just a passing fad.

essexmumma · 11/02/2012 16:12

I am sorry but have you OP ever been in a strip club? Or do you have this vision on what they are like from your imagination!??

I didn't like the idea of them at all and DH isn't overly bothered but dutifully goes on stags dos etc rather than judge these places, the women, the men I decided to go with a group of friends to see what they were REALLY all about. I was completely surprised - you can't go near the girls unless you pay for private dances and even then you can't touch!! It really made
me realise there was nothing to fear. It's ok to say it's wrong morally but most women wouldn't not attend a night out if a male stripper was there or butler in the buff for example. I thought they would be creepy places full of pervy men playing with themselves - not the case at all and lots o women in there too.

I don't think you should had text his mate as it's just childish, I don't think he should have lied either but I think this is hyped up in your imagination. He isn't doing it weekly I bet. Stop over reacting and take a breath!! He didn't touch anyone.

TheParanoidAndroid · 11/02/2012 16:12

Well, I need to wear clothes, its illegal to go out without them. No-one needs to go to a strip club.

redbunnyfruitcake · 11/02/2012 16:13

Gosh ladies PATRIARCHY has done a great job on us - divide and rule eh!!!

BupcakesandCunting · 11/02/2012 16:14

Clothes are a necessity pretty much, LeQueen. We can try and make wise choices i.e not setting foot in Primark etc and we can strive for better working conditions for workers making the clothes but there is no escaping the fact that we need clothes.

We don't need to go and watch girls getting their flaps out for small change. It doesn't enhance the world, it is not a required service. All it does is keep women down and line the pockets of the men controlling them. Obviously there will be a few exceptions but I would wager a fair amount that most of the women working in this industry aren't doing it to pay for their post-grad/scurrying off to their naice little house with a tidy wage in their g-string. We can't tell who is exploited/who is not so best to avoid, IMO.

antsypants · 11/02/2012 16:15

Paranoid: my post was in response to something Lequeen had posted.

I can only go on my own personal experience around the sex industry and say that it was a rare find (that I never found myself) that a woman had chosen to be involved for her own empowerment, in fact when you look in depth chances are its myth that anyone does.

Instead I met a lot of very damaged women who were in a circle of exploitation they had no means of escaping and it is funded by jeering idiots who think it is a laugh.

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