To have texted DPs friend pretending to be him?

[JamRagRolyPoly]

DP got in at 5am last night, saw a text on his phone (he was there when I was looking for texts from me) from his friend saying 'strip club round the cormer' .

I outright asked him, did you go? He said no. He knows I'm very much against them. Now I'm wondering if he can lie to my face.

While he's in the shower I texted his friend pretending to be DP saying 'great night last night, how was the strip club' so his friend could potentially text back saying er you were there mate remember?

Aibu to want to know if my DP is capable of lying to my face? This troubles me more than the strip club, because then it's like, what else?

(I know tis sounds very childish btw)

You stated "What's horrible is, he knew I wouldn't like it but still went and lied to me.

I don't know what to do"

It seems you and he have different set of morals and values. It does not matter at all what your choices are, ignore anyone on this thread criticizing you. You are who you are, he is who he is. I don't think you did anything worse than he did. And because you were sneaky, (smart I think, you had a feeling, and you do not totally trust him obviously, and for good reason it turns out) You loved a person that he really isn't. You thought loved a person who was honest and respected your view of strip clubs. But actually he is a liar and doesn't respect your opinion at all. That is what he actually is. He rolled his eyes at you...during a serious conversation about something he did that upset you terribly...he devalues your feelings.
Where you go from here, is up to you. But if I were you, I'd get on birth control immediately.

Good luck, be strong, this is your life, make good choices for yourself.

"And yeah I do find it a bit controlling and 'cringy' when woman lay down the law to their partners and tell them what they are and aren't allowed to do."

She's not asking him not to go and watch the football with his mates in the pub or not to come home too late. She's asking him to refrain from having another woman waving her flaps right in his face.

There are two camps in this argument, I think; the women who would rather their DHs/DPs didn't pay to see the giblets of probably vulnerable and exploited other women and the women who are like, so cool/laid-back with it because they want to be seen as the cool wife by their DH's mates.

What bupcakes said.

Yeah... that's why I don't have a problem with it, so his mates think I'm cool! Well figured out :o

The trust issues aside, LeQueen, I would be more pissed off that my supposedly intelligent DH had chosen to spend our money in an industry that fucks women over for the gratification of men, that he was just another cog in the works of men that perpetuate this kind of life for lots of women.

I think you were right to try to find out what he'd been up to. You must have had a sixth sense about the whole thing. Well done for discovering the truth.
As for him, the lies and the strip club combined would make me want to actually kill my DH. BOth are massive betrayals in my book. You really have my sympathy OP. I hate strip clubs with a passion but the lies are probably worse. My ex lied to me about something trivial once but from then on I could NEVER EVER trust him about anything. It was very destructive.
Women who think it's ok for their partners to go to strip clubs are idiots (even if they are in open relationships) if nothing else, they are sexist and tacky.

Idiot maybe but I'd rather he knew he didn't have to lie to me if he ended up in one for whatever reason.

Imagine the scene on stag do's up and down the country, half the men have been forbidden, the other half want to go. How many men are going to stop at the door and say 'off you go gents, her indoors objects so I shall refrain' and trot of home? They'll go and they'll lie about it. I know which I would rather.

I haven't read the whole thread yet but YANBU.

I would have texted back to tell his mate what a sad cunt he is for going to a strip club.

I should hope your DP would thank you for doing it for him!

"And, to be honest, if my aging memory serves, blokes can leer at virtually just as much exposed female flesh in your average nightclub on a Saturday night, as they can in a LDC."

That's missing the point a bit.

Men and women in nightclubs aren't generally going there with the primary objective of staring at fanny/having fanny stared at. Plus, the women in nightclubs aren't being paid to dance for the gratification of blokes. What women choose to wear to go clubbing is just that: their choice. There isn't a scary club manager insisting that they have too little flesh on show/their clear heels aren't high enough/they're looking a bit bloated tonight so they'd better think about dropping a few pounds.

I agree with LeQueen .

Although it's a bit different for women. I can't picture any female I know getting excited about going to visit a stranger's floppy cock.

I also think most me look at other women the way us girls look at wallpaper. We admire it but wouldn't necessarily want it.

I've also seen many a female flash her fanjo on a dancefloor.

If a DP was going week in week out for no reason then yeah, I'd be asking questions. A works night out or a stag do, fair enough.

Other than the strippers at a private function I know my DP hasn't been to one since we've met and even before that it was works do's etc. He's a tightwad and thinks it's a waste of money.

I should hope your DP would thank you for doing it for him!

Thank her for using his phone to stalk him?

I try to live as ethically as possible within my own moral and value boundaries, I'd hope any relationship would the on the same level of understanding, if not then it wouldn't work.

I agree with the posters reaction, not with her actions, I have seen first hand the absolute destruction the sex industry wreaks on the people in it.

But it's an individual thing, no-one else can judge really

have any of those that are cool with it actually been in a lap dancing club, seen or had a lap dance

i find it strange anyone would thinks it is ok to pay another person purely for their own sexual gratification especailly when we are becoming more and more aware of the explotation that is going on in these clubs even if you are not getting a dance why be part of something that is so horrible

Bups well, if we're going to argue morals & ethics...then I guess my DH could take the moral highground over his supposedly intelligent wife spending our money and buying clothes that have (probably) been manufactured by women in Third World countries, being horribly abused and exploited by their (predominantly male) employers

Exactly

Look how many women wear designer labels and buy other things that have meant exploitation of human beings.

Yet it always seems to be the sex industry that brings out their 'morals'

I've yet to read a thread where a woman has been in tears because her DH bought her a box of teabags that weren't fair trade.

I think its missing the point, and the "don't minders" are wilfully or otherwise misunderstanding the point of the do-minders. Its not about trusing him, or thinking its akin to cheating, or worrying that he likes the stripper more than his partner or any of that. And sure, if your man is a nasty leering type he can do it for free all over the place.
Its that we (well some of us, not all) object to the selling of womens bodies, that we find it sexist, degrading, offensive, exploitative and so on. Its about spending your money on being a sleazy twat, and giving money to exploiters of women, sometime criminals. Its about buying into an idea that its ok to pay money to have a women dance naked for your gratification.

Personally for me, its about being a grown up women with half an ounce of sense, but each to their own.,

There is a difference between someone who chooses to go out and put a show on and someone who has to in order to supply their drug habit/pimp/pay traffickers/is unable to gauge that their behaviour is unhealthy for them because of sexual abuse or a mental health issue.

Whether you agree with the sex industry or not this is primarily a thread about values and trust. What is really interesting here is the way women are called controlling for having standards regarding their partners behaviour.

It is naive to think that men and women do not have a say in how the other behaves, it is part of being in a relationship, it's called respect. If my partner wants to go to strip clubs then he can do it as a single man. If I want to follow up a crush on the guy in my office then I would have to choose to do it as a single woman. These are rules that exist by agreement in my relationship and if I choose to step outside of those rules then I am making a decision to live a single life again as far as I am concerned.

If the OP's partner and she cannot agree on certain moral values then I'm afraid they shouldn't be together and the sooner she knows it the better, especially before children arrive. If they can agree this was a mistake, make a committed agreement about future behaviour and move on then fair enough.

And how do you know which is which, antsy? You don't.