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Original poster

To have texted DPs friend pretending to be him?

907 replies

JamRagRolyPoly · 11/02/2012 13:48

DP got in at 5am last night, saw a text on his phone (he was there when I was looking for texts from me) from his friend saying 'strip club round the cormer' Hmm.

I outright asked him, did you go? He said no. He knows I'm very much against them. Now I'm wondering if he can lie to my face.

While he's in the shower I texted his friend pretending to be DP saying 'great night last night, how was the strip club' so his friend could potentially text back saying er you were there mate remember?

Aibu to want to know if my DP is capable of lying to my face? This troubles me more than the strip club, because then it's like, what else?

(I know tis sounds very childish btw)

OP posts:
BupcakesandCunting · 11/02/2012 16:15

Cross posts with Paranoid!

takingiteasy · 11/02/2012 16:16

Must be a market for certified 'fair trade' strip joints, would that be acceptable?

QuickLookBusy · 11/02/2012 16:23

OhDoAdmit- I wouldnt want to be with a partner who supported the sex industry.
We all have our standards. Its hardly controlling to object to your partner doing something you find morally reprehensible.

Agree 100%

Why are your husbands/partners going to these places?

It's either to enjoy watching another human being waving her private parts in his/someone else's face.

OR The usual excuse "I only went because my friends did" Is he 6yo?

I wouldn't want to be married to a man who belonged in either category.

Al0uisee · 11/02/2012 16:27

Point of order here: How can a woman "wave her privates" are you sure he wasn't at a circus because I've just had a jolly good shake and nothing "waved".

TheParanoidAndroid · 11/02/2012 16:30

I don't understand why you are reserving anyones right to frequent them then, ansty?

QuickLookBusy · 11/02/2012 16:31

Grin I could have used a better turn of phrase but couldn't think of one.

rubyrubyruby · 11/02/2012 16:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Newmummytobe79 · 11/02/2012 16:41

Not here to argue for/against strip clubs or in snooping in phones for that matter ... but has anyone mentioned the fact his friend had texted him 'strip club around the corner' ... therefore OP's DP has obviously asked where his mate is ... so may have just gone there as that's where all the lads ended up?

Was drunk, realised OP wouldnt like it, lied.

Could it be as simple as that?

I've Blush been in a strip club before (with 2 female friends) as it was the latest bar around.

Things I used to do for a late night drink!

antsypants · 11/02/2012 16:51

Android, because I don't consider myself a moral compass for anyone else, it's not my business if someone chooses to work in one or frequent one, all I can do is hope that I chose the people in life wisely and police my own actions.

There is always exploitation, more people have been exploited and murdered for mobile phones than porn films.

Like I have said, these are my values, and I will argue to the end if someone tries to justify it, but it's not my business to police others.

Original poster
JamRagRolyPoly · 11/02/2012 17:26

Just with my sister, feel much better for talking to her.

I'm also really angry at the money issue. I'm struggling to pay bills and he's always complaining about money, yet he magically has enough to see tits and arse in the flesh.

I'm staying here tonight, let him stew like I had to last night

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 11/02/2012 17:35

I am really glad you are getting some RL support, love

SardineQueen · 11/02/2012 17:43

That is good, jam. I think you should take some time and have a good think, talk to your sister, see what you want to do.

The money thing is really out of order.

Coconutty · 11/02/2012 17:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

detoxneedednow · 11/02/2012 17:51

I don't think it was a "disgusting thing to do" personally. I do however think it was wrong, but that's not to say I don't understand your motives.

You've already said that you thought it was an OTT reaction, so just promise yourself you wont do it again. You'll drive yourself insane if it becomes a habit.

Decide whether this is your problem or his. Ie, would you react like this with any man, or do you really not trust this one?

I think I would be tempted to fess up actually. He's bound to find out if and when he get's a reply from his mate.

I don't like the idea of my bloke going to a strip club either. I don't think you're unreasonable for not wanting him to go. That's completely up to you to say and up to him whether or not he choses to respect your wishes or not. If my dp went anyway, I would be incredibly offended. It's not about control, it's about mutual respect. There are places my dp wouldn't be comfortable with me going and I would respect that. As long as he wasn't telling me not to go somewhere and just expressed concern. If he told me not to go somewhere, I think I would tell him to go somewhere.............and I think we know whereGrin

detoxneedednow · 11/02/2012 17:53

Sorry, i think i'm a little late coming into this conversationGrin

I only read the first page. Whoops!Blush

Original poster
JamRagRolyPoly · 11/02/2012 17:56

The thing is, I'm worried that i can't trust him with what he says now as he blatantly lied to my face.

OP posts:
FlightRisk · 11/02/2012 17:59

From your reaction to his behaviour OP I'm guessing the relationship is over.

If it isn't then I'm not too sure what you would do. I couldn't live with a guy that lied to me. I'd rather hear the truth than a lie personnaly.

If you stay with him I think its safe to say he will visit a strip club again I think trying to control that he doesn't go will just make the relationship unhealthy. (I'm not saaying its unhealthy now.

Part of being in a relationship is accepting each others flaws. You feel like you have to spy and he goes to strip clubs.

The question is, is that something you can both live with??

theincredibequeenofwands · 11/02/2012 18:14

I only think that the money thing is an issue if he paid for a private dance. Otherwise it's an entrance fee and a few beers.

Secondly the fact that the text said 'strip bar round the corner' rather than the name of the club shows that it most likely was the first time he's been.

You guys need to talk.

If you get a genuine apology and he says he won't go again (knowing how much it upsets you) then you can decide whether or not you forgive him.

I also think you should apologise for going through his phone and texting his mate, but that is up to you.

You've said he's lovely and that you have a great relationship. If that's true then there's a good chance you can sort this out.

theincredibequeenofwands · 11/02/2012 18:16

He also said that he lied because you'd be upset.

Do you think he was telling the truth?

If he was trying to spare your feelings then I can see why he'd lie. Even if it was the wrong thing to do.

GettinTrimmer · 11/02/2012 18:55

Jamrag agree with AF glad you are getting some real life support.

Good luck, hope you manage to sort it out, either way at least you know the truth and now you have a choice.

By lying to you he was trying to give you no choice and do what he wants (up to him ultimately) knowing how you'd feel.

IMO don't give yourself a hard time about the texting, some people hire private detectives!

TheParanoidAndroid · 11/02/2012 19:10

He did lie to your face, and no you can't trust him. Sorry, but a liar keeps on lying.

ChickensGoMeh · 11/02/2012 19:16

Ignoring the morality of lap dancing clubs, he lied. He lied and then gave a shit excuse about lying along the lines of 'I lied because I knew you'd be annoyed, so I had to lie so you wouldn't give me grief'. The fact he thought that was reasonable, right there, is why I'd kick his arse to Kingdom come. It's insulting in so many ways. The fact that you did the texting thing, or even thought about doing it, says to me that this relationship isn't worth this heartache. Take care.

StrawberrytallCAKE · 11/02/2012 19:31

JamRagRolyPoly hope you're ok to start off with, I can't believe the people who have been utter nobbers to you on this thread.

Your dp needs a big reality check and you need lots of wine Wine don't make any crazy decisions yet on what to do, things are always clearer the day after.

Bogeyface · 11/02/2012 19:50

I am anti LDC for all the reasons stated above, but that is irrelevant.

It could have been him spending money on something they didnt need and lying about it, or spending the afternoon in the pub watching the footie and lying about it by saying he was at his mums and so on.

Its the lying.

Liars never change, ever. Mine started with small silly lies and ended up with the ultimate "no, I am not having sex with someone else" lie.

Lies are a deal breaker for me now, the whys and wherefores are not important, I will not be lied to.

BayPolar · 11/02/2012 20:13

Jam
You are getting quite a knock-down in this thread.
I'm with you, actually.
I would have done the same.
It's important to be able to trust and the fact he's hanging out with friends who do strip clubs, well, that would be a no-no for me.

These women saying you are too controlling and so on, they probably allow their dps to walk all over them, or are being duped by their dps.